A Pilgrim on the Path

Tales and ramblings from a humble(d) seeker of truth and beauty

Kim Childs

Kim Childs
Location
Boston, Massachusetts,
Birthday
January 28
Bio
I'm a writer, singer, and teacher of Kripalu Yoga, The Artist’s Way, and related personal growth classes and workshops. I also play the djembe for fun, and I'm forever a pilgrim on the path to greater joy and peace of mind. Thanks for reading. May all the good you do come back to you, with interest.

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JUNE 13, 2012 12:38PM

Losing My Ambition

Rate: 12 Flag

As I approach my personal half-century mark, I find myself in strange territory. Having successfully climbed a few career ladders in my life, I am currently, apparently, without ambition. It doesn’t feel like a bad thing.

I’ve lived in big cities and charming towns and traveled the world from Alaska to Zimbabwe. I’ve interviewed celebrities, been interviewed on TV, hosted radio shows, co-written books and hung out with politicos and hip hop pioneers in New York, New York. I’ve sung to crowds at Boston’s Symphony Hall and the Hatch Shell. I even swayed and clapped with fellow gospel singers behind Mariah Carey as she belted out “Make it Happen” to thousands of fans at the huge TD Garden. (That was awesome.)

I’m not trying to brag here so much as note the highlights of a life lived pretty fully so far. I’m sure I’ll be up to more adventures eventually, but right now I’m satisfied with the ones I’ve had.

The evidence of my contentment, if that’s the word for it, is mounting:

A few weeks ago, as I sat in the waiting room of a Toyota dealership, I scanned the table full of gossip rags. I realized I had absolutely no interest in anything that any celebrity was up to that week. This, from someone who used to devour People magazine from cover-to-cover, watch Entertainment Tonight religiously, and fantasize about being a big somebody some day.

Always a fan of comfort clothes, I now find myself primarily dressing in a style that can best be described as casual bordering on frumpy. Most days you’ll find me in sensible footwear, yoga pants, and no-iron tops. I cannot recall the last time I put on a pair of pantyhose or high heels.

I recently ran into a former yoga student of mine as she prepared to give a talk on European flower shows. When I asked her if horticulture was her business she said, “I do it for fun. To tell you the truth, I’m kind of a ‘kept woman.’” To tell you the truth, that sounded pretty good to me.

What happened to the teenager who wanted to be the next Barbara Walters, the public radio reporter who planned to host her own show, and the yoga teacher who thought she’d sit across from Oprah one day, gabbing about her spiritual awakening and helping millions to achieve their own? She’s the same person who walked away from a career in broadcast news at age 35 because her soul beckoned her elsewhere. She’s the passionate creativity teacher who recently said, “Yeah, I wanna be a ‘local somebody’ too!” upon hearing the clever phrase from a student. The current me delights in coaching others to live fully expressed lives, writing articles for a local healthy living magazine, selling the occasional personal essay and blogging for beloved readers.

When it comes to amassing a fortune, well, I always worked in non-profit but now I seem even less concerned with profiting. I pay the bills, enjoy a simple life, and follow a work schedule that leaves me with adequate free time. If time is indeed money, then I’m rich. So is a former student who echoes my sentiments as she writes, “Sometimes I feel I should be doing more and leading the kind of busy-productive life I admire in others, but my unscheduled time is so precious and essential to my peace of mind. I'm grateful to have it, because I know not everyone does.”

Author Daniel Pink recently said that this age of abundance and prosperity has liberated but not fulfilled us, leaving more people searching for meaning instead of megabucks. Last year I heard an NPR story about MBAs who were becoming farmers to live more sustainable lives, and last month I learned about the Junky Car Club, in which people drive old cars in order to have more money for charitable contributions.

Like these folks, my highest ambition is to be a better human being. I also want to spend more time with my family and friends while we’re all still around, keep using my skills to help people, and savor my blessings.

Crowding 50, I have no advanced degrees, no property in my name, and no record of civic involvement apart from some volunteer work and the local garden club. Still, I’m happy with the person I’ve become and I love my life. There was a message on my tea bag the other day that said, “You can run after satisfaction, but satisfaction must come from within.” I think I’ve stopped running.

Back in high school I thought I was too cool when I wrote my yearbook quote in French. Today, it’s the sentiment that impresses me. “What is success?” I wrote, in the English translation. “It’s being happy with what, who and where we are in life.”

More than thirty years later, I find that to be true.

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Some forms of ambition are good to lose--it's a mystical truth. A timely reminder for me. Super post!
You've earned the chance to do what you damn well please. Long live Chico's AND the Artist's Way. Am a devotee of both.
Sounds wonderfully relaxing. More power to you!
R
Really nicely done, Kim! I know what you mean about celebrity magazines. I can't even stand to look at them anymore. Who cares? Enjoy your journey--you've got the right mindset!
Thanks, y'all - glad the words and theme resonated. Forgot about Chicos - yes - comfort clothes forever! And I should confess that I don't even know half the "celebrities" in those rags anymore - a sign of my aging or the watering down of what constitutes a celebrity anymore? Both...
Another millionnaire in terms of time here, happy with where I am, who I've become, and what I've done. Oh, there's still a lot left to learn, but I know I'll be picky.

Celebrity? What's that? I'm glad you're happy too.
R♥
One of the great things about aging is that you accept who you are and don't have to struggle to be someone with more success, more money, better looks, or a different personality. It is really freeing.
Sounds wonderful to me.
Ambition is a funny word. Most people only associate it with cut-throat competitiveness. Dictionary.com defines it as:

1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment

2. the object, state, or result desired or sought after

3. desire for work or activity; energy

Two out of three definitions relate to what you are doing now: driving to discover yourself for yourself. I say go for it. And go for that Masters...I hope to and I am 51, just finishing my undergraduate. And about those clothes...here's my helpful hint: wearing frumpy clothes with wrinkles helps deflect attention away from OTHER wrinkles and sagging parts... Fifty can be fierce! Grab it with both hands.
What an inspiring post. Money doesn't mean a thing if you don't have the time to enjoy life. As long as the bills get paid, who cares what you wear, how you spend your free time, and with whom you spend it? Good for you.

-r
Kim, I never thought I had ambitions..I always though of them as needs..and it is funny that sometimes in the same instant what exρands us(our dreams,our ambitions) also confines us.This is a very liberating work rated with thank you for sharing
I lost *that* sort of ambition when I learned how you had to play the game if you wanted to win.
I love how this essay is resonating - thanks for the thoughtful comments, everyone. I wanted to send the OS editor a courtesy thanks and I don't see a way/place to reach him/her...used to be Emily...? Also, anyone know why, no matter how many times I directed my links to "open in another window," they won't?
c'est tres forte, ma petite jeune. je comprend bien la selection! a sante! c'est vrai. est-que dit ... a sante mental et emotional! merci!
Because this is an excellent essay; very well thought out and well said. Glad I was directed here. R
Be the next Barbara Walters? Lobbing softball interviews at politicians and celebs? I'm glad that you set your sights much higher than that.