I posted a blog recently about my struggles to teach James Joyce to my students where I teach. I got an answer from someone who joined OS just to respond to my blog, accusing me of racism, elitism and imperialism, which, if that person had gone back and read my older blogs, would have realized how absurd this is to accuse me of such. I was homeless and lived in a shelter in 2008 and I am the last person to be an elitist. I live in 2 rooms with no car and my daughter helps pay my rent, thank God or I'd be homeless again.

This person also told me over and over in his/her comment what a "poor teacher" I am. I love teaching and I am not only good at it, but sometimes I am even great at it. I just got a card from a student from last term who praised my for my passion for literature and giving her new things to read and think about. I am very passionate, funny, engaged and even entertaining in the classroom. I never meant to accuse our wonderful students of being less than the stellar beings that they are, but I also experience tremendous frustration and even agony trying to fill in the gaps and make up for the deficit that other educators created for these people. I am not responsible for the fact that they have no historical, social or literary, cultural context, but I believe their parents and their previous educators are. Yes, I did grow up with a tremendously fortunate and wonderful household fillled with music and books and culture, but I am doing my DAMNDEST to spread the joy I feel for all of this to my students! Everyday!

I cannot convey how difficult it is for me at age 61 to work this hard to share the joy of my life only to have one or two of my students ridicule me,  back-talk and humiliate me--who think that my standing up there talking about Joseph Campbell and the Hero's Journey is a Load of Crap! I want them all to embark on their own hero's journeys and I am trying to empower their minds any way I can! I will not accept mediocrity or dumb my classes down, or accept whining and complaining about how hard it is! Education is worth the struggle and they ARE bright enough to carry it! On the other side, I am always overjoyed when I see that I've broken through to someone who has been fronting an attitude of angry cynicism and jaded sarcasm, or who sleeps in my class, surfs the net or texts on his or her phone--when one of those students actually shows some interest, I am suddenly feeling that the effort is worth all the pain! And believe me, there is a lot of pain. If someone had told me I'd be doing this at my age I would have never believed it. 

If "southside", the person who joined OS ONLY to post on my blog and has not posted anything of his or her own, would like to attend one of my classes and see just how engaged I am with my students I would welcome it with open arms. I have students who have suddenly woken up to life because I am a great orator and speaker, I think fast on my feet and I have a lifetime of study, knowledge, reading and insight that I can share. I am a passionate lover of life and culture. I transmit this daily. I do not think I am better than anyone else, I don't divide my world into races or ethnic origins or religions--I identified our students as southside educated because that's primarily where they come from. This is not a slur on their being African American or anything else. If anything, it's a slur on our entire culture that we would allow a section of the great city of Chicago to neglect the education of the minds and hearts of an entire future generation. It's not only unsanctionable but it's a crying shame and I am doing everything I can not only to fill in the gaps in their learning, but to excite them about the possibillity of enriching their minds. Sometimes I get smart answers back and people ask me if the Hero's Journey or the understanding of Existentialism will help them get a job, and my answer is, who knows? But it will help you become a deeper and a richer human being and that is all I can offer at this point.

I deleted the blog. I am suspicious that this person works at my institution and I do not want this kind of accusation floating around because I am not a "poor teacher" and this is not a reflection of me or my integrity as a human being. I love my job and perhaps it was ill advised for me to post a complaint or a whine on the blog, but this wouldn't be the first time! Those of you who follow my blog know that I often vent about my life and this has been a forum to do it in a way that I thought was safe. However this anonymous commentator, who joined OS only to accuse me of things I am not and never have been, worried me about the safety and privacy of my posts and I have decided to be circumspect about what I share in the public forum from here on out. 

"Southside" has an open invtiation to attend any class I teach at any time. He/she only has to email me privately and  I will make the arrangements. 

In the spirit of self forgiveness,

Poet of Logan Square