WHY I CELEBRATE MY PERSONHOOD THIS DAY
In my family's dynamic, nobody is considered a valuable player unless he or she is willing to play the game the way their elders believe it should be played, and with no relief or calm caring. This game might include women giving power away to a male entity whose wisdom goes no deeper than his superficial code for indignity to others.
Thus, for me, there can be no Father's day worth celebrating within a family context. I had to find my fathering influences outside of family life altogether. The teacher we all should have while our powers to discern may be yet upgraded, the elderly comrade with a sympathetic ear and a wise shoulder to cry on, have held me together when family didn't. These had their advantages over an empty familial feeling that praises no one for any real achievement.
We are scandalized when others challenge us to believe such a story, yet it is an all too commonly mistaken conception, how everyone gets the same chances at a successful life. This is not unknown to the public, merely being passed over for the more easily resolved issue. And there are those whose lives were traumatized or undermined in ways those with steady income or family background would find hard to identify with. Yet, it is the same story everywhere.
My life experience has led me to know many a woman whose life could not be imaginable to those with ordinary lifestyle and stable family background. Their strife can be summed up so easily to some as being a fault of character or some other such lacking quality. "Perhaps if she had applied herself," some might say. That undervaluing tone is quick to ladle the blame over everything one is taught to endure in childhood. For some people, it is like being enchained to the system, for they will never be released from its yoke.
A woman whose life plan included a happier marriage than she was given, a tribe of children and grandchildren worth caring for, a household held together as a cradle is for an infant so that family life may go forward in its self-supporting fashion--these are the women we would vilify for not having taken measures to be stronger in the world. And perhaps their goals had been too small or otherwise objectionable in the eyes of society. Yet, somehow it can be a mighty burden trying to carry on without the requisite skills or education, in particular when one is past one's prime and may have other pressing concerns to juggle.
Then, too, we might not recognize the potential of such a woman whose family life did not give her at least some modicum of worth in it eyes. The woman must first believe in the family system in order to believe she had any value while in its care when younger. The woman we would believe in readily most likely will already have had every advantage we deem viable. She would not need the help of others to exceed her family's reach. For her, with a little challenging effort, life will be better than it would be for the one whose father beat her as a daily consequence to her rising to be more herself. She would also hold better societal position at outset, being mild enough in mood to be further appreciated once out of the nest or on her own. Further, she will have chances to recoup should more challenging circumstances arise such as a divorce or spouse's death, a major illness, or loss of some faculty. Even our underinsured patient with a decent enough family to count on will find she can have further advantages over a lone woman of lowered value according to a family's worth for her.
The people who count most in a girl's life are those whose trust she would enjoy. What happens to her if there is no trustworthy advocate ready to nourish her Soul and give her peace? Every breath she would take must be a worry, and every sigh not one of relief. A woman soon loses her sense of pride when downtrodden. She may continue in this way for some while, hardly recognizing it herself. She may not be awakened to her own true worth enough, or even at all. A woman's worth, then, cannot be held against her when the chips are down and she must struggle. A woman's worth is to be prized above riches, although we are hardly equipped to give her the better feeling.
For the fathers, we are taught to spend a day honoring what they will obligate themselves into, even though our coarsest concepts of what that might entail seem better over the backyard barbecue grill or picnic table.
It is not that I mean for anyone to merely take pity on those whose fathers were the worst influences for them to endure. I want us to remember this day how millions of women suffered that do suffer yet from abuses of a variety it would be hard to describe in so small a format. The family worth bases itself first on the mother, and how she might be valued in her son's eyes is often a work of the husband she has chosen. And, if he turn out to be any better advocate for a peaceful household prospering to its own, then so much the better. For a woman to remember she is valuable despite a lack of sympathy or ready feeling in family life might take her whole adulthood to achieve. Or, it might remain an unresolved issue that is burdensome for any official to believe in or even merit as worthy of a lasting commitment of the public resolve on her betterment.
What a woman wants from her husband is generally protection with encouragement, or even that respect we deem worthy. Without her selfworth intact, she might choose another abuser to father her children, and this might make for a further selfesteem drop for her to contend with later in life. It may even mean she will neither care for herself nor respond when others are genuinely caring toward her, for she won't know their offerings to be genuine.
When a child knows her family is secure, all's right with her world. And this is true straight across the board, whether here or abroad. The mothering influences meant to start us off in life will be further augmentable by the true worth that is given them in a father's eyes. Given that the many households I know of will not venture that far in the improvement of their own worth, it is an oddity to find one happy child, let alone a blessed student, out of the fold they would provide.
So today, while fish are being caught, and hymns are sung in praise of fathering, when excursions may be made into the great outdoors toting every cooler or picnic basket laden with the goodies to be enjoyed in celebration of Dad's day, I will neither join in nor find it anything of consequence for my own worth.
Instead, today I will honor the woman in me who fled in order to have her peace of mind restored, the mother whose every conscious effort got undermined by a school system with little concept of what a single mother might be enduring, the wife whose misery ended a marriage in chaos to be emburdened by low support, the woman in me who was led to believe squalor would be the only value given for her time on earth as legal citizen who would violate no code for assistance nor view herself as somehow a lesser form of entity for having asked for that assistance she would finally be granted. And I will remember how I was misled into thinking I had no worth whatever to a family's lifestyle or future, how I was held as mere example of how not to be a "good daughter," simply because I could see that very evil all must be aware of sitting opposite me at the family dinner table.
I won't be scandalized anymore by these stories worth reporting. The number of women I've met who've been willing to share such stories are to be lauded for their attentiveness to what is real. They must not be squelched nor turned down if ready for our applied activity in response to their need of our help.
Let it not be forgotten today, then, how we meet those challenges we are handed when young only as society would allow us to. Let us also never be forgotten again, even though there may come yet another war or some other terrible consequence.
Let a woman be a woman who is valued only as herself, not for anything she would become, and everyone's thoughts would turn to the value inherent in others.
It is time we embraced our real value together.
It is time we were brought together as one gigantic national family, ready to take on new challenges for each other.
Let this be Family's Day, a day for reflecting on how families affect the greater political freedom we would all prefer. And let there be peace in the American family.
Thanks for the read, people.