A POST-MORMON LIFE

Life after leaving the Mormon Church

Rachel Velamur

Rachel Velamur
Location
Texas,
Birthday
February 15
Bio
Born and raised in a strict Mormon family. I write about what life was like as a Mormon and what my life is like after leaving.

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JUNE 28, 2012 9:24AM

A Frugal Education

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I am a rare specimen; I am a person that graduated from college without receiving financial assistance from my parents and without taking out student loans.  When my classmates were taking out loans to afford on-campus housing and meal plans, I was living in the sketchier area of town, wearing thrift-store clothing, and getting creative about locating free food on campus.  I attended Cornell University, where my frugality was outside the norm.  Most of my classmates were either from the upper middle class or the wealthy 1% and lacked the perspective of growing up without money.

Even the students that didn’t have the money to cover their costs had no compunction about taking out loans to finance their lifestyle.  One of my friends, the daughter of a professor, was attending college for free as part of her father’s tuition benefit.  Even so, she graduated with more than $40,000 in loans; she didn’t want to live at home, her father didn’t want to pay for housing, and she spent her summers studying abroad instead of working.  When she told me about her loan situation, I stared at her in shock.  I couldn’t fathom spending money you didn’t have and taking out loans you didn’t need.  But this friend of mine was hardly outside the norm; I met many students who admitted that they didn’t mind taking out extra loans, if these loans ensured they had a fun college experience.  “Avoid unnecessary debt” was a mantra drummed into me from both my parents and my religious up-bringing.  

I was very lucky; I was accepted to a university with the financial resources to provide a generous aid package.  Since my parents didn’t have a lot of money, my tuition was covered by grants.  Living costs were harder to cover; I had to work during the school year and during the summer.  I also had to take a couple semesters off to work as a full-time lab technician.  There were a lot of times, especially towards the end of the school year, when my bank account was hovering around $0.  I ate a lot of pasta and eggs, to the point that one of my roommates instituted a ban on eggs in the house out of concern for my health.  

Sometimes I regret not having a more laid-back student experience.  I missed out on some valuable college experiences because I was always either working or studying.  But I was raised by parents that taught me to be frugal and to live within my means.  My parents are examples of hard-working people that fought their hardest to keep their heads above water, all while raising a large family on a very limited income.  Sometimes my parents had to get creative; for years, my parents raised cows, chickens, and pigs in order to feed the family.  And there were times when my parents had to rely on public assistance and church welfare.  But my parents never gave up.  No matter how dire the situation got, there was always the self-assurance that we were doing everything we could to make ends meet.  

I am grateful to my parents for the lessons they have taught me.  Now, post-college, my husband and I are free of student loans, free of credit card debt, and we were able to afford a 20% down payment on our home.  I also had the privilege of studying at a wonderful university, one that taught me how to question and to think critically.  My college experience was one that I treasure, as my education taught me to push intellectual boundaries.  There were times when I had to struggle to make ends meet but in the end, I discovered my own strength and resourcefulness.  

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for teaching me to always live within my means.  

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well don't forget the alumni and the government for those grants which I am sure you deserved but there are many out there who deserved but did not receive grants with significant tuition debts.
Kenneth: I know. And I am really grateful for the opportunities I did get and I recognize that not everyone else can have the same opportunities. But I do think the important aspect to remember is that whatever your financial aid situation is, there is still a lot you can do to reduce unnecessary debt. I don't have an issue with taking out student loans if you have to, but I have seen a lot of situations where students take out loans just to avoid having to sacrifice a little in terms of lifestyle.
Pmg, your post was a joy to read. We raised our two sons the same way your parents raised you -- to live within our means, even if that meant eating a lot of pasta and buying secondhand. We knew many impoverished years when our kids were small. I had quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom, and my husband wasn't earning much money. Our fun was whatever we could do for free: visiting the library, hitting the bike trail, picnics in the park, etc. We made homemade gifts for relatives, for Xmas. We didn't have a lot of "stuff", like other people, but I believe we were more close knit because of that. When our oldest son graduated from high school, he was already working part-time and paying for his own car, a used Chevy. He didn't get handed a car at graduation like so many of his friends, he had to earn it. He went to a local community college and lived at home for his freshman/sophomore year, then transferred to a university, but worked hard and managed to graduate with a B.A. after only one and 2/3 years at university, saving us money in tuition and housing. We had to take out a loan for that 1 2/3 years, we didn't qualify for grants or aide, but the community college route, with our child living at home, saved us a ton of money. Our younger son is doing the same thing. My older son learned from our hard work and frugality, and he is now 24 years old, working as a film editor in LA, living in his own apartment, paying for everything himself. He loves the feeling of earning and saving and making his own way in life. The only help we give him is the gift of finishing the debt on his college loan, which is now under 10 grand. We chose to continue driving our two old (2000, 1996) cars and not buy new until we pay off the college debt.

Sorry I went on so long, Pmg, but I can really relate to your story, Many thanks!!!
This is AMAZING!!! My goodness, what an incredible story!!
The first line hooked me...and it delivered until the finish!!
That is great! Some lessons from our parents are well learned. Grants, scholarships and aid are great, be sure and pay it forward if you have a chance too.
Sheila: We are. :-) My husband was only able to study because of a scholarship - he went to college in India, where student loans aren't even an option. So we are now in a position where we can sponsor two college students a year through the same program, which really means a lot to us.
I've seen students here do the "loan to support my lifestyle" thing- I don't get it. I was only $10K in debt one time and I had to be bailed out by my parents- $40K would stagger me. I do have a mortgage but the payments are only $400 per month.

That's cool that you sponsor those scholarships. I need to find a way to give back. But every time I donate money to someone they sell my info and I get flooded with requests. Highly annoying.
Thanks Phyllis! And I get what you say about the annoying phone calls - I'm really glad for this particular scholarship fund because I know exactly what it can do. Although when we get a little more money, I would like to start donating to Cornell. The irony is that Cornell was the only school I could afford to attend - all of the other schools I applied to couldn't offer much in the way of financial aid!
I had a similar experience, though I did live in the dorms and I did have a small amount of student loans. One of my "jobs" was to locate and apply for scholarships every year. Lots of local organizations had this money and for many of them it wasn't even really a competition - if you asked for it, you got it. I had a work-study job (part of my aid package at a private university), and of course I also worked every summer as I had since I was about 14 and had regular babysitting jobs. In my senior year I was $800 short, and I was advised to ask the alumni association for it - I wrote them a letter telling them about myself and my plans, and they gave me the $800. After I graduated and my loans came due, my grandparents paid them off at the bank and gave me "interest free" loans with a smaller payment amount. I also took time off, in the co-op program where you take a paying internship job in your field, and the money from that helped too. (Having job experience when I graduated also gave me a leg up getting hired!) I do realize that like you, I'm lucky that I attended a school with a good aid package and that I received so many academic scholarships. But I also rarely went out for food (always ate at the dining hall) or concerts (we had a campus bar that had bands). I would not have had it any other way.
catnmus: It really does teach you to be resourceful, doesn't it? And that is a priceless lesson.
Some of my son`s friends didn’t mind taking out extra loans because they knew that their parents are going to pay for them, they wanted to have fun in college and this was possible with these loans. After they graduate and want to Earn a Higher Salary they realize situation is not as they thought it would be, nobody hires you if you cannot prove you are worthy.