The Count of Three Card Monte Cristo got nothin on this boy. I've spent the last two years digging my way out of the White House basement where I've been held captive by large white men wearing only Dick Cheney masks and leather from hardcore gay bars where more than just toes are tapping! Worst of all, they made me wear the same thing! AAARRRRGGGHH!
Your white man gear is way TOO SMALL for my black man equipment!
Day after day I've been surrounded by evil laughter, mocking me in hideous delight as they read the daily paper to me of Barack the Pussy, Republican bitch. They howled as all their wet dream policies of fucking the poor, debasing justice, gutting the environment and endless unnecessary wars came true. You can't imagine the agony!
That's NOT my Daddy!
NOBODY WAS CATCHING ON!!! THAT'S NOT REALLY ME AS PRESIDENT!
It's one thing not to expect unicorns, but dang! At least give me credit for being sane!!! This boy got a brain! What you're seeing is a Controlled Republican Android Plant (CRAP). How could you people fall for that CRAP??
But that CRAP robot has got everyone so convinced that's me no one believes me whan I tell them I love them! It's like when Napoleon escaped and they put him in an asylum where EVERYBODY thought they were Napoleon. That's not me. Those aren't my words. You haven't heard an honest word from the real me since they kidnapped me just after the campaign, since then it's all been CRAP!
Look at this today! I'll fix it so you can see the truth!
During a Monday press conference addressing Standard & Poor's downgrade of U.S. debt, President Barack Obama reaffirmed his commitment to raising taxes on the wealthy [That's CRAP! Stupid bot will NEVER raises taxes. Don't trust it!] But as he pushes to get the rich to pay more into federal coffers, Obama is also urging Congress to approve a trade agreement that would cement a key tax avoidance tactic deployed by some of the richest Americans. [See! Always a trick! Pull the plug NOW!]
"What we need to do now is combine those spending cuts with two additional steps: tax reform that will ask those who can['t] afford it to pay [more than] their fair share and modest [murderous] adjustments to health care programs like Medicare," [CRAP] Obama said during the address, referring to steps the U.S. should take in addition the cuts agreed to to raise the federal debt ceiling.
See??? Doesn't it make sense after I've corrected their foul programming of my android lookalike? I would NEVER talk like that! It just gets crazier after that!
Just two days before, during his Saturday radio address, [CRAP] Obama urged Congress approve three trade deals, including one with Panama that would permit Americans to easily stash assets in the Central American country, a notorious tax haven for the wealthy and American corporations.
"It’s time Congress finally passed a set of trade deals that would help displaced workers looking for new jobs," [CRAP] Obama said, "and that would allow our businesses to sell more products in countries in Asia and South America -- products stamped with three words: Made in America."
Panama? Who gives a fuck about Panama? Let's kick some Chinese ass! They got all the money! You really think I'm so stupid I don't know that?? Do you need wires sticking out of its head to know that's not me??
But Panama's entire annual economic output is around $26.7 billion a year, according to The World Bank -- only about two-tenths of one percent of the U.S. economy -- making the effect on jobs minuscule at best. Some economists expect other agreements with South Korea and Colombia to create net job losses in the U.S., as corporations ship American jobs overseas to take advantage of cheaper labor.
See? Even a wussy journalist figures it out. And they're the biggest ass kissers in the world! That CRAP robot is so easy to figure out if you lazy heads would just dig a little.
It may not have a large economy, but Panama does have some of the most stringent bank secrecy laws in the world, making it extremely easy and inexpensive for U.S. citizens to set up offshore corporations and bank accounts. Establishing the corporation and bank account costs less than $2,000, and any money that Americans stash in these entities is not taxed. Bank secrecy laws and extremely lax corporate registration standards make it very difficult for the Internal Revenue Service to track transactions transferring funds to these Panamanian destinations from the United States. Small surprise, then, that Panama is home to nearly 400,000 offshore corporations, more than any other nation except Hong Kong.
"A tax haven . . . has one of three characteristics: It has no income tax or a very low-rate income tax; it has bank secrecy laws; and it has a history of noncooperation with other countries on exchanging information about tax matters," said Rebecca Wilkins, senior counsel with Citizens for Tax Justice, a nonpartisan nonprofit dedicated to improving U.S. tax policy. "Panama has all three of those. ... They're probably the worst."
They programmed that damn thing to think only billionaires exist in this world and everything needs to revolve around their damn asses. It's crazy obvious! No real human talks like that. Somebody hack that thing!
The trade agreement with Panama would effectively bar the U.S. from cracking down on this activity. The U.S. would not be allowed to treat Panamanian financial services transactions differently from transactions in nations that are not tax havens. It would also be unable to pursue some standard anti-money laundering techniques in Panama. Combating tax haven abuse in Panama would be a violation of the trade agreement, exposing the U.S. to fines from international authorities.
"It directly undermines Obama's putative domestic agenda of job creation, cracking down on tax havens and collecting revenue from tax-dodging corporations," said Lori Wallach, Director of Public Citizen's Global Trade Watch. "The [free trade agreement] would forbid future use of existing policy tools to combat financial crime."
Ask her, I bet she knows that's a fake up there! She better watch out! They'll kidnap her too and get an android talking out of both sides of its mouth just like they did me.
"Thanks to the leadership of President Martinelli, there have been a range of significant reforms in banking and taxation in Panama," [CRAP] Obama said. "And we are confident now that a free trade agreement would be good for our country, would create jobs here in the United States."
But the tax enforcement agreement amounts to little more than a gesture, relying on a decades out-of-date framework that is not very effective at recovering lost tax revenue. Thanks to the TIEA, American tax officials can now obtain tax information on U.S. citizens stashing money in Panama. That's great -- if they already know which citizens are using Panama-based schemes to dodge U.S. taxes. But, of course, the IRS doesn't actually know who is doing this -- if it did, it wouldn't need to gather bank account information in the first place.
Come on, peeps! You really think the real me can't figure that out when even a lowly journalist knows what a freak show this is?? You're killing me! They are doing this every day. The economy, healthcare, wars, everything - it's all being run for the Republicans' benefit! Just open your eyes ONCE, please!
They got the secret Secret Service out looking for me, trying to track me down. I heard the guards talking. They need me alive. After I'm out of office they will destroy the robot and then I can "go Jimmy Carter on them all he wants". But you've got to help me NOW, while there's still time and I can do something to save America. Please, please, whenever you see CRAP on TV, shout from the rooftops: "THAT'S NOT THE REAL OBAMA!"
You've got get the message out! The dogs are closing in!!!