It started with a small spot on his head, something he couldn’t get a good look at in the mirror, and, as he was wont to, he scratched at it and fiddled with it and didn’t have it looked at because he was a busy and unselfish guy with a lot of responsibility in his lap. He ran a multi-national corporation and frequently traveled throughout the Far East, Korea, China, Japan, and Indonesia before returning to his home base of Hong Kong. Since he had taken the helm, productivity had risen over 300% and the Board of Directors considered him the wunderkind that they had long sought.
A few months later, he noticed a small growth under his arm and this time decided to go to the doctor to have it checked out. The diagnosis was a terrible one for himself, for his family, for the company, for everyone who had ever known him. Melanoma, metastasized melanoma. He and his wife immediately flew to New York’s Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, considered by many the best in the world, and began treatment but the prognosis was bad. It is a difficult cancer to control. It travels throughout the body in a way other cancers do not. They gave him a year to live, a year for a man of 51 who had many dreams still unrealized, the dreams he had postponed while he had worked hard to be a success in this world, the books he planned to write, the mayoral office he planned on campaigning for in the small town in which he planned to retire.
Within months, the man had surgery to remove a football-sized tumor that had grown in his abdomen, obstructing digestion. He had the strongest chemo available, chemo that he hated yet managed to write funny little ditties about to his friends. He invented the term chemo cocktail before it became a well-known phrase and told tales of the other regulars bellied up to the bar. He was always funny, joking through the entire process to stop his circle from knowing how bad he truly was. Each successive MRI revealed a new growth, in his liver, in his lungs, throughout his lymph system, in his beautiful intelligent funny brain.
On his last visit back to his native Baltimore, he sat in his mother’s wing chair looking like a character out of an old Humphrey Bogart movie. He was completely bald and had put on at least thirty pounds from the heavy steroids he took to prevent the seizures caused by both the tumors and the chemo. His friends and family surrounded him, some knowing they were saying their final goodbyes, some not yet ready to admit that truth. Between niceties, his mother asked him to wrap a package for her, actually for his daughter, her granddaughter. And he couldn’t do it. The Duke engineering major who previously could fix or figure out any puzzle, any challenge, sat in front of a 12” square package and couldn’t for the life of him decide how to make the package portable for travel. Eyes shifted throughout the room as he rubbed his hand over his bald head and face repeatedly, unwilling to give up on the task at hand and unable to complete it.
It was then that the still-hopeful among his friends and family knew he would not make it. Later that evening over blue crabs and corn on the cob, his daughter, unable to cope with her emotions, drank to excess, broke down in tears, and, in a state of utter lack of control, spilled an entire pitcher of beer on one of her father’s oldest friends. Her daddy had been her world and her world was never going to be the same again.
A month later, he died. A year later, his company, Tyco Toys, was bought up by Mattel and thousands of employees lost their jobs. They still remember him at Toy Fair in NYC, the smart, funny man whose loss marked the end of a company.
As you probably realize by now, this man, Robert Edmund Dorsee, was my father. I have written of him before and I still think of and miss him every day of my life.
I share this story with you now because the same disease that killed my beloved father is the same disease John McCain has battled for years. Say it, MELANOMA. It’s mean and cruel and uncaring of its victims. If just one melanoma cell is floating within John McCain’s body, and he is elected president of our country, chances are very good that a hockey mom, small city councilwoman and mayor with 1.5 years of experience as governor of the least populace state of our union will be our president. Think about that. Think about it hard. And say the word again in case it’s not borne into your brain as it is into mine. MELANOMA. It’s a killer I know; it’s a killer that, given time, we may all know very well.
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Comments
The point you are making by this obviously painful personal disclosure should be considered by all who plan to cast a vote in November, but I'm afraid it will not. Far too many American voters will take the stance "ignore it, maybe it will go away."
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and your candour is appreciated.
But pulling this story to make a political point? AGAINST someone else? Especially as a theoretical?
That is a step too far, methinks.
Yes, his age and his long-term battle with melanoma may be a decisive factor. On the other hand, presumably, that is what a good VP candidate is for. The presidency would continue; America would continue. It wouldn't be the greatest disaster ever to befall the country.
More to the point: since when has ageism become an acceptable trope in place of racism or sexism or any other -ism? The Democratic Party cannot play the discrimination game without sullying its name.
The same can be said, though with admittedly less force, about McCain's cancer scares. On the one hand, as I said, it would be depressing--but not Earth shattering--for a president to die, and it wouldn't in any case invalidate the dead president's political programme. Assuming his is the programme of choice for the electorate, then there is no reason the VP couldn't fill in and complete it.
On the other hand, discriminating on someone's previous health record also seems a bit faulty to me, in itself. Maybe that's just me, but it smacks of desperation.
We can, and have, undercut his policy proposals other ways. Undermining him for his age or his health chart is a bit too rich for my taste.
So, if, heaven forbid, Obama was assasinated, I have utmost confidence in Joe Biden's ability to govern the most powerful nation in the world. His experience is legion and adds to the ticket.
If, on the other hand, McCain died (and not once did I mention his age in my piece, only his cancer scares), I have no confidence in Palin's ability to run our country. She has no foreign policy experience, zero, zip, nada, and 1.5 years in a state office. Like juvenile English kings and queens of old, her power would be usurped by the men in grey suits and our country would suffer for it.
I am not discriminating over McCain's health record. I am taking it into account. Everyone does this or president's physicals would not be made public each year. The difference is that I trust Obama's VP choice and do not trust McCain's. Pure and simple.
RMC, I don't think it's discriminating on age, it's just elevating the importance of the VP. And for both candidates. I think it's fair to say that statistically Barack has a much higher chance of getting shot than most (he got SS protection a year before everyone else, or anyone, ever), and McCain has a much greater chance of dying of natural causes than most presidents.
So their VP picks matter more. They're more likely to come into play.
And I'm with PF: I'd take Joe Biden any day.
Let's also not be so rash. Governor Palin wouldn't just let 'grey suits' run roughshod over her. That's foolish. She's a woman of middle age--not a child. If we want to stop saps like Lieberman from making too much of Obama's youth, it doesn't really help to compare Palin (of comparable age) to a child king.
And no, p_f, it's not pure or simple: your post made not a single mention of Gov. Palin. Your calculus hedges on McCain's health, not Palin's readiness.
Dave: likewise. Both to the better choice, but also to pointing out the absence of Gov. Palin's in the post above.
I loved your story...I don't know what RC's deal is. Not sure he's ever lost anyone--RC--I find your insensitivity callous (redundant) and I feel YOU are using PF for your own meandering blogging purposes.
Back to you PF--beautiful story. Your father was so young and this is a beautiful tribute to your father and a tragic story. You are also bringing up the very important and accurate picture of melanoma.
Melanoma is deadly. Melanoma has the high potential to metastasize. It is a horrible disease with a mind of its own. Living in Colorado, I go yearly to the dermatologist to be checked for this and keep an eye out for it myself.
This needs to be brought up because the American public has the right to know that McCain has been diagnosed with melanoma...which can spread at any time.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this.
Looking at responses around the world, I see that people are tremendously impressed with the fact that Palin has matching X chromosomes rather than that formerly all-important Y. Her agenda, her politics, and the path she would likely lead us down? Those don't figure into the comments I've seen around the world, so far.
My niece is 44 yrs old and with melanoma, she's seriously on the bubble. So is McCain, maybe more so since he's so much older, but somehow health never came up until now, just jokes about his age.
Finally, a young, unknown, radically under-qualified VP on the ticket has brought up the genuinely scary "what ifs." Thank you, L, for starting this biggest of all discussions.
RC - A step too far my ass. McCain has an illness that could devistate him physically in a very short time. If you can't see that it's a valid concern that's your problem.
Yes, raving loons could "pop" Obama and that would be tragic. but at least he has the foresight to choose a well seasoned VP to take the helm.
In summary I think it is very "pure and simple". Whether Sarah Palin was male or female...the lack of experience is laughable.
As the primary purpose of the VP is to take over the presidency in the event of the president's untimely death or incapacity, the likelihood of that happening, and the readiness of the VP, are completely legitimate considerations.
With respect, Farmer's post was not inappropriate.
"Yes, his age and his long-term battle with melanoma may be a decisive factor. On the other hand, presumably, that is what a good VP candidate is for."
Yes, if he had chosen a good VP it might not be as concerning. The republicans (along with Hilary...) are trying to discredit Obama, making him seem "inexperienced" and then McCain turns around and chooses a VP who is a novice on the world scale. Yes, she is a governor... but of Alaska? It has a total population of around 660,000 barely the population of Charlotte, North Carolina. The death of McCain would push her from representing 660,000 to 303 million, 500 times what she is managing right now.
"since when has ageism become an acceptable trope in place of racism or sexism or any other -ism?"
Since people die of old age. People don't die from being black or being a woman, they die from being old. Age-ism as you call it is not being prejudiced, it's common sense. The older you get, the more your health deteriorates, the more chance of something going wrong with you increases, and the chance of you being able to fight it decreases.
"discriminating on someone's previous health record also seems a bit faulty to me, in itself."
Have you ever been on a roller coaster? Almost every one has a warning at the beginning, that people with a history of heart problems should not ride. That is discriminating on someone's previous health record, are you saying that's wrong? And further, I think most people would agree that being the "leader of the free world" as it is so often put, is much more stressful than riding a roller coaster. Since your emotional/mental and physical health all go hand in hand it is reasonable to be concerned and judge people based on their PREVIOUS HEALTH RECORD. Gee you know, someone had cancer in the past, cancer likes to resurface, that can lead to death, do we want a dead president? NO! So we will judge as we wish.
"We can, and have, undercut his policy proposals other ways. Undermining him for his age or his health chart is a bit too rich for my taste. "
Yes, making him seem like less of a person because of his health is wrong, but that is not what we (at least on this blog) are doing. We are bringing up a valid point that it is a concern that the person running for president has had major health issues in the past, he is old and at an age where it is average to die. I'm not dissing on him mentally, I actually like him quite a bit, I just think his policies are outdated, like himself.
And McCain has turned his VP pick into a gimmick.
The county I live in is larger than the entire state of Alaska population wise. As much as I love my County Chairperson, he's been in office 10 years and I don't think he could step into the Oval Office (Congress, yes....Oval Office, no). She has absolutely no interest in foreign policy and yet is a heartbeat away from having her finger on America's entire nuclear arsenal.
And I wouldn't pay much attention to the views expressed by a callow youth whose life experience is limited, to say the least.
How's that for ageism? ;>)
RCMoya612 said :
We can, and have, undercut his policy proposals other ways. Undermining him for his age or his health chart is a bit too rich for my taste.
Oh, I strongly disagree with you. McCain's health is very much an issue. The health of a presidential candidate is ALWAYS a concern, for the very reasons Lauren mentioned. The American people would have been in deep shit had Bush the Elder suddenly died - who the hell wanted Dan Quayle as president?
Let's be real, please. You don't have to like the post, you commented as such, and that is fine. No need to continue berating the author simply because you disagree. I disagree with many of the posts made here, both the political ones and some of the personal ones. As an adult, I simply choose not to read those that I don't like.
What little I've read about Palin does not sound good. Wants to teach Creationism alongside evolution in biology class. That's a moron's position, plain and simple. About certain things, we say that "intelligent people can disagree". But not this thing.
Amazing what remark can do to a person's reputation.
Now, for the sake of a (respectful) discussion: a little calm, please?
Is it that unfathomable for one to find the use of a personal tragedy to so cuttingly dismiss McCain's credibility for office unpleasant? Perhaps it's a bit too much, but I just couldn't help but notice the contradiction between what I've been accused of here and the sensitivity I tried to present on the issue. I apologised upfront to the blogger, as I meant no disrespect, and then proceeded to describe how I thought her POLITICAL--not personal--point was off-putting.
I explicitly said: '...pulling this story to make a political point? AGAINST someone else? Especially as a theoretical?'
I was referring to the direct comparison between the story and the political point. You may disagree, with all due respect, and that is your prerogative. But calling me cold? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so frightfully rude, but shut the fuck up.
I hedged my secondary remarks by stating I was making a devil's advocate point. But I guess most readers committed the shocking mistake I made in relation to p_f's oblique mention of Gov. Palin, by not reading what I had said.
One good turn deserves another, I guess...
Whatever. This is probably the worst reaction I've seen on OS to a comment that was meant to be anything but offensive to the blogger.
I stand by my original gut reaction...that the initial comparison struck me as cold. But sorry, marytkelly, if I didn't begin by outlining my personal tragedies to lend weight to my airy-fairy sensitivity.
What an utterly contemptuous crock.
But what would I know, youth and morality don't mix.
And for what it's worth: Rich, totally with you. It's depressing creationism has made such inroads...
I won't lower myself to your language and attacks and I don't delete comments. i think keeping them allows the general OS populace to get a true feeling of who you are.
And Stellaa, I expected better from you. Biden hasn't had an aneurysm since 1988.
Yes, I took a chance relating my father's experince with melanoma. What I was trying to do was highlight what an insidious disease this is, how quickly it takes lives, and what impact it has on the populace, in my father's case a company, in McCain's potential case, an already fragile country.
From RCMolina: "Yes, his age and his long-term battle with melanoma may be a decisive factor. On the other hand, presumably, that is what a good VP candidate is for. The presidency would continue; America would continue. It wouldn't be the greatest disaster ever to befall the country."
Excuse me, but I don't see a good VP candidate on the McCain ticket, making his argument mute. And further proving that he did not properly read my post.
PF, you've got to see that any political statement--especially those of such gravity--can, should and often do invite challenge. Not because we mean to harm those who make them (I'm not in the business of denigrating others when I feel intellectually cornered) but because one feels they go against what one believes is the right approach on such matters.
Can we disagree? Yes, and your posts and those of others make that decidedly clear. I accept that.
But to question my character and my personal disposition? I'm sorry, PF, but that's being frightfully unfair and demeaning.
At no point have I made even the slightest attack on you personally, even less on your experiences. If you can't accept that, then fair enough...it's not my business to defend anyone's character but my own.
Farmer, darlin,' you've written before of your dad and I think he inspires you to heights of eloquence as few subjects do. I don't find it distasteful at all to use your personal story as a means of introducing the topic of melanoma, nor to use that disease as a means of calling into question McCain's suitability as a candidate for president. I had not known of his melanoma and while I already had rafts of reasons to find him a horrible choice for that office, his serious health issue makes him even more scary to me. And finally, to repeat, his choice of Palin puts him, um, beyond the pale.
I've already tried to address my having skipped the part about Palin, the indirect reference and all. I apologise, again, for not having caught that, I made a mistake on that. I'll refer, again, to what I said previously:
'I guess most readers committed the shocking mistake I made in relation to p_f's oblique mention of Gov. Palin, by not reading what I had said...One good turn deserves another, I guess...'
But do tell, since you're apparently so keen on playing hard ball (your shock at my rather bland critique of your post notwithstanding):
* What does McCain's parroting his POW experience have to do with ageism? Suppose he were 45 years old, and he were running for president, and he had been a POW during the First Gulf War. Would his POW experience be any less relevant because he was less old? I fail to see how his 'extreme old age' is of necessity tied to his having had, at some point, been a POW. That experience would have been just as valid were he 20 years younger. (Or am I missing something my awfully undeveloped mind is missing?)
* Why yes, I did use the word 'fuck'; but having already used the word 'cunt' elsewhere I'd be far from restrained in employing the English language to its full effect when accused of having acted quite contrary to my intentions.
* And finally, perhaps you in your wisdom would do well to go back and read a bit from our enlightened Forefathers. For if you did you'd restrain yourself from making intellectually bankrupt correlations between the opinions of the majority and that which is right and just. Put another way: I may be in the minority, love, but that says nothing as to the strength of the majority's arguments.
Any more patronising? Because we're really reaching amazing heights with those you've spouted already.
Why?
Enough said, at this point, I'll agree to disagree. Just realize the amount of OS posters and readers you are disagreeing with and perhaps take some time for self-reflection. Over and out.
Nothing you said should lead one to Stellaa's conclusion either, when she says: "this would preclude from the job anyone with previous health conditions. He could go from other things. Other people can go before him from sudden illnesses." McCain's illness does not preclude him from being a qualified candidate. What it does do, as PF explained ad infinitum, is require a realization that there is a greater likelihood that his VP could be required to assume presidential duties than another candidate's would. EVERY VP should be highly qualified, but the VP of one with McCain's actuarial characteristics should especially be. Palin isn't.
(Not the Freaky, cake-loving ones.)
Wayne, disagreement doesn't harm anyone. We disagreed, PF and I, and there was a gigantic misunderstanding on the part of both of us. That doesn't make me a troll. It simply means I reserve judgement. An open mind wouldn't hurt, mate.
Again, PF, I'm sorry you took it that way. I've enjoyed your previous posts, and I hope to continue enjoying future ones. I'm sorry if you ever got the impression I was mud-slinging at the memory of your father...
Stories told this well are rare. So I think what happens is that they touch EVERYONE.
But what happens next is that not everyone knows what to do.
Maybe they don't even know they were touched. But of course no one would really know that but them.
So folks retreat into what they do know. Take a scissors to the political point and start snipping. Attack. State a policy. Start an argument. Repeat a cliche about the way the world works.
For me; most of that falls flat and ends up being kind of boring.
What brings the political points ALIVE are the stories.
You want a religious argument? Dip your hand into the Bible and yank out a point that does NOT include a story. What you will be holding in your hand will be one of the rules for living that routinely send many, many, many of us running from the church in pure terror. Same is true if we sever the connection between politics and REAL LIFE stories.
Stories are what connect us. For better or worse. And that can be even more terrifying than one of those bible rules.
But when stories are as well told, heartfelt and true as yours---they leave political policy in the dust of boredom. Flat, lifeless and not a whole lot of fun.
Fun like Tyco toys. (How cool is THAT!)
I'll bet your Dad would be very, very proud.
I've been gone all day and just checked in here.
I don't have time to read too many posts but when I do have time I read yours....they always empress me.
Thank you for sharing about your father.
It touched me very much!
He died much too young....I'm sorry for your loss, but his memory must be a blessing to you.
Your post was spot on.
Malanoma can kill.
It killed a close friend of mine...she died within a year of getting the horrible cancer.
John Mc has melanoma and he could very easily lose his life to melanoma.
Gosh, so many comments here....your posts always attract the best of the best....for the most part, anyway.
Hope you have a great Labor day weekend.
Be kind to yourself and have fun!
All the best to you!
Margie
Melanoma has no friends, that's for damn sure, and that's an eye opener that Palin is that close from governing a state with 683k to governing a country with 304 million.
Your story is heart-breaking and a difficult read but thank-you for putting it out there and adding relevant context to the issue.
Lauren - beautiful and touching story about your father. What a heart-wrenching ending to a remarkable life. Your courage and honesty in writing about him is inspiring.
RC - I think you were misunderstood here and I feel badly for you. Please ignore anybody that might have referred to you as a troll - I thought your opinions were interesting and I agreed with several of them.
I'm confused about melanoma though. My understanding is that as long as the skin lesion is less than a defined thickness, then removal of the lesion nearly guarantees that there will be no spread. The disease is not terminal at that point. I know that Senator McCain (disclaimer: NOT my candidate) is checked more frequently for these tumors than anybody reading this site. The guy has dermatologists swarming around him at all times. That probably won't be what gets him.
Lauren - I think you might owe Stellaa an apology.
However, *raising* an issue is not the same as *settling* the issue. And I think that RC Moya is the opposite of a troll - he stayed engaged, he argued eloquently and effectively, and he apologized repeatedly when he misunderstood points being made. Trolls don't do that.
I am all for intelligent dissenting opinions. I would prefer that he had been more sensitive given the painful personal context you presented your points in. Mixing the personal with the political is tough - emotions become inextricably linked to the issues, which of course makes it impossible to argue a point by separating emotions from the issues.
I hope this doesn't discourage you from writing more posts like this - I think it was one of your best ones ever.
She is callow and inexperienced. Biden can certainly not be called either of those things. He also has a long record of (especially in retrospect) good decision-making on domestic and foreign issues. I've almost always like Joe (there's a few things he's done I don't agree with, but that's to be expected since he's not me!), and I would feel perfectly secure with him as President should something happen to Obama. I genuinely like and respect both those candidates. But Palin? Please. The little town she was a council-member and mayor of is the same size as my hometown. I would never want any of the prior councilmembers or mayors of my hometown to be 1st in line for the presidency should something happen to the President. Her 1-1/2 years of governorship of a very unpopulated state does nothing to make me feel that she can, indeed, perform as President.
Chances are good that if the nation had known of JFK's Addison's disease and his multiple addictions, he never would have been elected--and Addison's is not (when treated appropriately) a fatal disease. The fact that McCain has had multiple recurrences of melanoma--a history which makes additional recurrences much more likely--and that melanoma frequently is fatal, is certainly something that should be taken into consideration by voters.
That said, I still think McCain's history of melanoma is an issue that needs to be considered and that a strong VP pick should have been a must for him. From what I have seen thus far, he did not choose well. Time will tell.
Ann, you have more knowledge of medicine than I do obviously. The spot on my father's head was small and not thick; it was uneven. Yes, I realize McCain is surrounded by dermatologists but I also realize that melanoma is one of the most misunderstood of the cancers. My father was no sun worshipper. He sat at a desk the majority of the time. Since his passing, I have seen four others go from the same disease, some baked, others did not. There is something insidious about this disease that gets past the experts and once it metasticizes to one's liver or lungs, forget it. Cynical, I know but I lived it and still feel the repercussions to this day. I will always, always regret my sons not knowing their grandfather.
A few of you have brought up JFK's health problems. Ironic and sad that they had nothing to do with what killed him. That may very well be the case for McCain, wherever his career leads him but I wanted to make the point that it could happen and Palin is not qualified to take his place.
Finally, Stellaa, if I offended you, I am sorry.
That's the end of my mea culpa. If you notice my next post, you will see I am weary of it all.
Again, PF, I'm sorry you took it that way. I've enjoyed your previous posts, and I hope to continue enjoying future ones. I'm sorry if you ever got the impression I was mud-slinging at the memory of your father...
A gracious and kind comment RC and your willingness to stay engaged, and your comment above, speaks well of your temperament.
But cancer does so often return eventually, and although there are wonderful exceptions, everyone knows it. And this is a very different situation. Delicacy is misplaced. National and global well-being obviously trump the usual burial of misgivings, and here, no denial is healthy. People really need to stand up and put this issue clearly on the table. If they truly want to take a very real chance that this woman will have the presidency, OK. But this is no time to pussyfoot. I salute your shout-out, and direct message. And I hope that others will do the same. No one wants to remind another that their lifespan is uncertain and their hopes perhaps a little fragile. But hospice workers spend every day walking that line, and here we had better know when to speak the truth very clearly. Thanks.
In a case where such strong emotions are evident, it is far better (especially in a community like this one) to err on the side of sensitivity, than to trust the objectivity of a devil's advocate will be welcome, but I would agree that RC is not necessarily a troll based on this one comment thread.
I still remember voting for Paul Tsongas during the primary in 1992. I thought he would be a much better candidate/president than Clinton. It was not to be, though. I don't know how many people decided not to vote for him because he'd already had cancer, but it may have played a role. And, as bad luck would have it, he did die before Clinton's first term was up (IRRC).
Farmer, your father was certainly an amazing person, and his death was a loss not just to your family, but to the deeper & wider world. I had no idea...
I must come down firmly on PF’s side thought. Obama and McCain both had obligations to pick VP candidates, for different reasons, that could run the country should the worst happen. Both these men had better the usual chances of needint o call on their VPs. Obama may very well someday cross paths with a white supremist who is not on meth, and McCain ain’t no spring chicken and has several instances of cancer. It is not ageist, racist, healthist, whatever to acknowledge certain realities. Neither one disqualified them from the highest office, but it does make it imperative that they plan for the worst. As one of my friends once said, “Vote for the VP candidate you like best, neither one of these guys is a lock to survive.”
So who did they pick? Obama picked an experienced, respected person whose credentials provide a complement to his. McCain picked a callow, inexperienced token whose credentials are roughly equal to my dog’s. It does call McCain’s judgment into question that he picked someone who is so poorly qualified after spending so much time telling us that Obama is not qualified. Then he picks someone even less so. Hmmmmm