pretend_farmer

pretend_farmer
Location
Scottsdale, Arizona, United States
Birthday
March 04
Title
Maker
Company
Rancho Laurena Rustic Arts
Bio
A wanton young lady of Wimley, Reproached for not acting more primly, Answered, "Heavens above! I know sex isn't love, But it's such an attractive facsimile."

MY RECENT POSTS

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Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 18, 2010 11:00PM

"Hell's Kitchen NIGHTMARES Iron TOP Chef Cafeteria THROWDOWN

Last night, the often hilarious, always controversial South Park aired its season finale, a satirical and very blue skewering of Food Network, its celebrity chefs, and food porn (literally). As someone who watches my share of cooking shows, whether they're instructional, travel-based, or reality (Top… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
MARCH 2, 2010 12:52PM

To Soufflé or Not To Soufflé,

 

 

 

Cheese-souffle-m 

 To soufflé or not to soufflé,

 

That is the question
Whether 'tis simpler for the gut to suffer
The preservatives of microwaved Stouffers,
Or to take whisks against a saucepan of butter and flour
 And, by gyrating, mix them. To warm, to heat
Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 25, 2010 11:57AM

Backyard Chickens, Part One

In my addled mind, chickens occupy two distinct roles, the ones I buy pre-packaged at the grocer for eating and the ones I feed every morning for loving and eggs. And never the twain shall meet although I do get the question all the time: 

 

“Do you eat yourRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 5, 2009 10:02PM

Live-Blogging Top Chef Masters Finale Part Deux

 

Typically, our esteemed Liz Emrich guides the OS foodies through the first season of Top Chef Masters, a spin-off featuring celebrity chefs competing for charity and ego.  Yet, this week Ms Liz is off playing with the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) at Pennsic and I graciously offe… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 25, 2009 10:26PM

We Were "Thrilled"

 

Thriller 

Stillwater, OK, December 2, 1983.  I am 20 years old and gathered in a nondescript three bedroom/two bath ranch rental house with a group of fellow Oklahoma State students and co-workers.  To set the college scene, the big event was preceded by a blindfolded beer tasti/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 11, 2009 6:09PM

My Name is Lauren and I am a Pediophobe

I made a mistake today; I skimmed Gary Justis’ post.

 

Okay, to clarify, I lurve Gary.  He’s a great writer, great storyteller, great all-around nice as pie guy.  But today, he wrote about dolls.  This was over 30 minutes ago and my pulse hasn’t quieted yet.&nbRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 5, 2009 3:41PM

The Paintings from Multiple Brushes

A lot of things in my life could, or perhaps, should have killed me. 

 

At four, I broke a glass milk bottle, slashing my wrist, in a botched attempt to make myself cereal early one weekend morning.  My quick thinking father, who ripped my favorite green and… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 30, 2009 10:40AM

Superbowl Chili Two Ways with Bonus Cornbread Recipe

Gramma Dorsee (nee Kroneberger) was a force of nature, tall and big-boned with the work ethic of ten men.  She was also one of the many blessings of my life.  When I was a young child, I spent just about every weekend with her, eating her homemade applesauce, playing Uncle WigglyRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 9, 2009 4:07PM

Oh, Shit

I just received the following email from the Rio Verde Horseman's Association:

Hi Neighbors,

 

Just want to let you all know that there have been several sightings of mountain lions here in the vicinity of 162nd to 164th and from Rio Verde Drive south

Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 7, 2009 10:57PM

They Dump Horses, Don’t They?

horse  

 

Here in rural northeast Scottsdale, we have had an epidemic of abandoned horses as of late.  The local Rio Verde Horseman’s Association email alert system has been full of horses found and the rescue societies have begun waving their adoption fees in order to o/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 31, 2008 3:05PM

Wii Fat

 

Today, in order to get a jump on my one and only New Year’s Resolution, Good Health, I threw the kids off our new-as-of-Christmas Wii and began WiiFit.  Archetype wrote about some of the humiliation involved in this program.  In order to begin, one stands on the &ldq… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 30, 2008 2:21PM

Porcine Levity

Sent to me via email by our local Rio Verde Horsemen's Association:

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY ...........
 
 pig
HEY, EVERYONE GO CHECK YOUR YARD OR BARN.  IF THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A POT BELLY PIG OUT THERE AND THERE ISN'T, IT'S BECAUSE IT'S OVER AT FRANK TURBEN'S.
Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 28, 2008 12:15PM

New Year's Eve from a Drone's Perspective

The active New Year’s Eve population can be divided into two segments, the drones, or worker bees, and the revelers, or cheap silly hat wearers.  Until a few years ago, I always fell into former category, early on as a babysitter up for the highest bidder (because a babysitter on New… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 22, 2008 2:16PM

Where is Home? Heart vs. Mind

 

 

Anthony 

This morning, I woke up sad.  Although we had a great time on our trip, a berry, berry great time as The Child of Four would say, I wasn’t ready to leave.  My mind told me of all the tasks still in need of completing before Christmas, a… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 9, 2008 2:37PM

lpsrocks Christmas Card Contest - Our Entry

Christmas 2008

lpsrocks was dead on with her post about annual Christmas cards and the lengths people go to portray themselves as the perfect photogenic family.  And every year we fall prey to the keep-up-with-the-Calvins pressure, trying to take a photo of our spawn which shows them in their… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 8, 2008 4:02PM

We’re Going to Lose Him Soon

Zorro and Marshall   

Marshall fell in the pool today, into the deep end, and could not get himself out.  If not for a fortunate coincidence, my husband getting up from his desk to stop the stove from boiling over and noticing the commotion, he would have drowned.  He was clueless how/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 26, 2008 4:05PM

Thanksgiving Dinner in Progress - 2nd Update!!!

Berry Galette

 Drag yourself off that couch.  It's time to cook some real food.  No canned fillings, no prepackaged gravy, no tin-shaped cranberry sauce, no lowfat.  Lots of flavor, lots of goodness.  We're cooking the no-fake-stuff way (okay, I'll let you off the hook for Pepperid… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 12, 2008 6:44PM

Muy Delicioso

chicken tortilla soup

Here I am, a day late, a dollar short, and a brain cell missing.  Although Foodie Wednesday doesn't have that clever ring to it, we do eat on days other than Tuesday and today I cranked out a masterpiece worthy of sharing, Chicken Tortilla Soup.  

I have always been… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 4, 2008 12:10PM

Good Omens - Double Yolker Eggs and Mythological Figures

As has been typical for the last couple weeks, I did not sleep well last night.  Today we deliver a very large baby, one we worked hard to conceive and did all the right things to keep healthy.  Now, we are in a labor of sorts, unsure how long it will… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 3, 2008 4:04PM

My Saturday Evening in Republican Country, Greasewood Flat

dancing with Anthony  

 

Living in the boonies as we do, we don’t leave the farm often, at least at night.  This past Saturday, however, my father-in-law, who I love with all my heart yet disagree with his politics almost as passionately, visited from San Diego and we ventured to Greas/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 23, 2008 4:44PM

Ron Howard, Opie, Andy, Richie, and The Fonz

As a child of these television shows and a fan of Ron Howard's work, I love this video from Funny or Die.  I thought I'd share.

 

Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 20, 2008 8:57PM

Fleeced! Shearing Day on the Farm

Darby being sheared

 Saturday was shearing day on the farm. Always a group effort, it was led by the illustrious Papa Ernie, a 3rd generation shearer who has also taught Sons Ernie and Robert, 4th generation shearers.  To avoid the omnipresent heat which still reaches an unpalatable 90+ every day, we g… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 13, 2008 10:17AM

Communicating with the Other Side, En Familia

Spartacus eating 

 A good portion of my family are dyed in the wool Republicans, the few exceptions being my mother and a few cousins.  I thought we had a detente of sorts, I won't talk about how wonderful Obama is if you don't proclaim your undying love for Sarah Palin.  Plus, you… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 9, 2008 10:05AM

Debate Hounds

debate watchers

 

Taken shortly after McCain's "that one" remark, all the dogs were truly turned off.  Cordelia continued to watch, but Marshall became apathetic and Millie could not hide her disgust. 

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 27, 2008 4:41PM

In Memoriam - Raindrops are Falling from my Eyes - Updated

Paul Newman

I fell in love with this man the moment I laid eyes on him, my eyes on those beautiful blues.  I loved him more when I found he was unattainable, a devoted husband to his now-widowed Joanne Woodward.  I loved his movies, his off-screen personality, but most of all, his… Read full post »