It's not that I haven't had anything to say. I've shamelessly blogged my way through several major life transitions; maybe it's in the nature of the current one to be different. In any case, I'm not making any promises.
Briefly, the news is this: I've decided to become a physical therapist. It's a doctoral degree that will take me five or six years to complete, including prerequisites. Although I've got two bachelor's degrees already, they're--surprise!--virtually useless. I recently sent for my transcript, and its dominant theme is 'Course Of Study Undertaken By An Adolescent Mind.' People under twenty-five should not be allowed to go to college, I swear.
What this means is that I will be broke and working my ass off for the foreseeable future, which will not be a big change. What will be a big change is that when I'm done, I will be employable at a solid middle-class salary for the first time in my life.
This could not have happened if I hadn't become thoroughly and irremediably disgusted with the state of the art world. It should come as no surprise to anyone that I am an idealist--stubborn, possibly naive, certainly foolish. Art represented part of an ideal to me, and I invested a big chunk of my soul in it, along with considerably more money than my actual income.
And 'art,' as practiced by the self-styled elite of the global art scene, is a giant confidence game. I used to think I could either change it or create a niche for myself within it; now I think that my values are incompatible with its founding principles. Continuing to sacrifice my time, money and attention to this cynical game doesn't make me a dedicated artist, it just makes me a chump.
I've long been aware that I have three vocations--artist, writer, and healer. For the last couple of decades, I've been weighting the 'artist' as the primary part of my identity. Letting go of that is a wrench to my ego, but necessary to my soul. I will have a studio again, I will paint again, but maybe not for a good long time. Now is the time for exercising my lazy but adequate left brain, and taking the adventure that comes.