Rockford, Illinois, USA
February 05
I'm a regular middle aged guy, living in a regular middle class neighborhood, in a regular middle-sized community in the middle of America. I am an expatriate Texan transplanted to the Midwest, and wondering how I got here, and where I'm headed.

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APRIL 29, 2011 9:40AM

I Am Not an American, Oh No!

Rate: 16 Flag


Well, I predicted it.  A few days ago I commented on a post  by OS’s own star blogger, designanator, in which he stated that Obama’s release of the “long form” birth certificate would finally put the entire birther “controversy” to rest.  Only half jokingly I said that the true believers would not be ameliorated.  They would not consent to the authenticity of anything Obama would release.

In today’s Chicago Tribune, we have an article with the following headline: 

Despite proof, “birthers” won’t let issue die

You see, what Obama released is not a “Birth Certificate”.  It is a “Certificate of Live Birth”.  Says Sharon Guthrie, an employee of a Texas state legislator who has introduced birther legislation in that state, “What I’ve seen online, what they produced today, still says ‘certificate of live birth’ across the top…We want to see 'Birth Certificate'”.  Ms. Guthrie also states that the type writing on the certificate is too perfect to have been produced before computerized word processing came into being.  She says the document Obama produced simply could not have been produced in the early 1960’s.

All of this has me concerned.  Why?  Because apparently my own birth certificate is fraudulent. I presume Sharon Guthrie, like me, is a native of the state of Texas.  Since she is so certain that a legitimate birth certificate would actually contain a header saying “Birth Certificate”, I must make the assumption that she holds this belief because her own state of Texas uses that terminology.

Guess what?  My birth certificate from the state of Texas does not have the words “Birth Certificate” anywhere on it.  My parents must have been part of a conspiracy to fake the circumstances of my birth since my certificate must, according to Texan Sharon Guthrie, be a forgery.

What’s more, whoever produced this document of my alleged birth was a very good typist.  So good, in fact, that they must have been using a computer, not a standard 1958-era typewriter. 

Oh, how I wish my parents were still alive.  I would confront them with this disturbing evidence of their treachery.  All this time I thought my father was a mild-mannered professor or Hellenistic Greek, and my mother a high school English teacher.  Little did I know they must have been some sort of radical Islamists or Marxists.  My whole Id is under siege!  Who am I?



birth cert




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I'm in the same boat as you, my friend. I can't even check out my birth certificate since the cave wall on which the event was recorded has since been flooded by Lake Livingston. It was right next to a stick figure rendention of dad slaying a saber-toothed armadillio.

I could well be one of them godless terrorist....or maybe even a democrat! :-)
This could have been an EP rather than that stupid, mindless post of Bill Beck's to which everyone here flocked and rated.
Steve, thanks very much for the wonderful mention here and like you said the other day the issue would not be put to rest!!!

I guess it goes with the 'territory' that this will go on and on and on! If Obama had been part of a swift boat detail in 'Nam we'd be hearing about the purple heart that he did not deserve to receive. The country is moving towards being second in financial power to China and these people engage in this continual nonsense--it's little wonder the U.S. is edging towards becoming a basket case!
All hell will break loose when it is revealed that Obama is a Japanese robot assembled by the Defense Department to assure their budget is maintained. The birth certificate, of course, was manufactured by the CIA. Child's play.
:) I can see the EP - feels good to see it here. Sometimes they take it off in the morning and so I wanted to come and acknowledge it now.
You are hilarious. That's what you are. As for who you are? It's up for debate. ;)
Well, I have not one, not two, but *three* birth certificates. Oh... wait... one is a "Certificate of Birth" issued by the hospital I was born in, another is a "certificate of birth registration" which certifies that "a birth certificate has been filed for (me)" issued by the NYS Dept. of Health, and the last is a "Certification of Birth" also from the NYS DOH issued in 1991 (when I was 22) when I needed a Birth Certificate and couldn't find the other two certificates. I am certain this would lead birthers to say I am not an American, unless I promoted some serious "rob from the poor, give to the rich" legislation, thus redeeming my right to be called a "patriot".
This morning one of my Facebook friends posted that he'd hoped the whole birth cert. thing had been settled, but - oh no - here was a u-toob by some geek demonstrating that the whole thing was a forgery. I am happy to say he immediately got stomped on (including by me) and took that down, substituting a piece by a woman featured on Rachel Maddow on the whole ugly history of black people being required to show papers (Why Obama shouldn't have had to 'show his papers'

P.S. - As others have observed elsewhere, I have a perfectly legal and valid birth certificate showing me to have been born to people to whom I am not, in fact, related (I was adopted). Oh wait a minute, maybe I'm arguing against myself here. Excuse me, I'll just go watch some royal wedding...
Ah HAH! Just another on the long list of reasons why you're such a great guy!

This whole discussion is so absurd, that it's hard to write something both original and entertaining about it. But you pulled it off.

You pinko commie you!
I think absurdities in your tag describes it rather well. Sometimes I wonder how your country ever excelled with all the crackpots you have. Can I send you a few more from Canada? You won't even notice them. How about I send you back Ignatief?
The Terminator went back in time to slip that certificate into the files.

What could be more obvious?
Steve do you think the President had a teacher who remostrate that anything he did poorly would be on his "permanent record?"

I never got to see my permanent record?

I always thought Vital records were 36-24-36. Who knew?
Since it's Texas, I must ask -- did they spell everything right?
Mine says "Record of Live Birth," which is indisputable, since it's a record and I must have been born alive.
Uh oh. Ike and LBJ were born in Texas. But more importantly, can we get the votes in the national election from Texas disqualified? (Nothing personal, by the way.) I know there's a big push by Republicans lately to have stricter voter registration measures in the states...
There is an absolutely marvelous review of a new book in this week's New York Review of Books that goes into Obama's African lineage. It make you proud to be part of a country where he was able to rise to the height that he has. His father also went to Harvard with the assistance of American donors that included Jackie Robinson. (Yes indeed, you can't make this stuff up.)

I wonder if it can be estimated what the impact his ancestry has on this nation's relationship to the people of Africa today and in the generations to come.

Nice post as usual Procopius
Same here. We found our marriage license not long ago. It is labeled Marriage Coupon. I guess from the state's standpoint it was just a matter of revenue. Wondering whether it is redeemable...
Hah, pretty funny. I would point out that what you have is not your original birth certificate either. It's not the original or a copy of the original like the one that Obama's people just released this week. That's the authorized short form that you can get at pretty much any Dept. of Health in the state. In the picture you posted it is actually dated as issued in 1997, too. Heh. The short form still looks like that, too. My wife had one issued last year to get her DL renewed.

I'm yanking your chain, but my point is that I'm actually curious as to what the actual originals say also.

Also, you make a funny point. The birther's have big time failed, so they are making a really silly and sad and illogical case by misunderstanding semantics.
Torman, I always had my suspicions about you.

Rolling, thanks for stopping by for my little rant.

d, it would be hilarious if it weren't so sad.

Jan, you may have figured it all out!

Belinda, I'll tell you who I am if you tell me who you really are.

Terry, admit it, you are a Brezhnev plant.

Myriad, maybe you have figured out why we're so drawn to a silly wedding overseas. It distracts us from all our domestic nonsense.

Chicago guy, I prefer to be called a Red, not a pinko.

Peggy, PLEASE don't send us anymore crackpots. PLEASE!

another steve, wow, you just may have figured it out!

sheepdog, all this time I thought the "permanent record" was a hoax. I guess Trump has proven me wrong. I wish I could find Miss Winston from middle school and tell her I'm sorry!

John B., yes everything is spelled correctly. I was born before Texas became governed by fruitcakes. Well;, maybe not, but at least back then they were harmless fruitcakes.

High Lonesome, are you sure it's not a forgery? Have you really investigated whether or not you are, in fact, alive?

Kent, Ike was a Commie plant, didn't you know that?

Ben Sen, you bring up some serious points. I'm not sure if our African-American president will have a long-term impact on relations with that continent or not. I think they have bigger problems to contend with than the ancestry of our leader.

Rodney, if it's a marriage coupon, did you at least get 10% off the bill?

Wade, the truth is, I (and I suspect most Americans) had never heard of a long form before all this nonsense. And of course, it's embossed by the state seal, so I can't imagine anyone would question its authenticity. But perhaps I give my compatriots too much credit with that statement.
not if you read this piece and understand the significance of lineage in African society. Only Americans rarely know who they come from, and it doesn't matter as much as many other cultures. If in fact we cared more about the past, as you so often reminds us, I'm not sure we'd be as stupid about where we are going.
Ben Sen, I hope you're correct, and that there is lasting good in that continent that is long overdue for it. Thanks again.
Both my parents were "Colored" people!

OMG! I was "Colored" too!

But now, I'm an old, cranky Black woman who uses "African American" as an alias.

Some joker in the Air Force changed all my records to "Other".

What do I do? I'm a criminal! I have no proof of identity!
Congrats on the EP. Well deserved.
xenon, don't feel bad -- when I was born, I was colored, too. Pink. Now I'm kind of a pasty tan.
@John - "Since it's Texas, I must ask -- did they spell everything right?"

Let's see. We have UT, SMU RICE, TCU, Baylor and more. And public grade and high school systems are good enough that few people even consider private schools.
And the Austin area it right up there with Silicon Valley
with companies like IBM, Dell, Ebay, Motorola, Sun, TI
and many other .coms. Why are they located here. Because there
is talent here and we don't pay any income tax compared to
the 10% you idiots pay in CA.

Yes we are all jut stupid around here. I find it amazing all you liberals vilify conservatives for any cheap shot but you don't mind taking one do you.
Exactly what did your statement add to this blog. That;s easy. the same as most posts. To get your silly approval from all your Salon friends. What does it do for you. You feel better now for making a moronic statement. Did you get off on it?
I don't know, dude. Just don't try and run for president. Sorry--I know that was your dream!

@ Tor: You didn't take a photo?
Joseph, you're right, liberals are always taking cheap shots. They should follow the example of fair minded folks like Rush, Sean, Beck, et. al. who would never do such a thing.

Pilgrim, darn, another dream deferred.
I checked mine too and now you have me concerned. I guess when my parents forged my birth certificate, they thought I was going to grow up to be somebody special!
Julie, don't giggle too much -- you may be part of a nefarious plot as well. Checked your birth certificate lately?

P&P, there were apparently a lot of evil plotters among the previous generation!
Love this! As a professional genealogist and fellow Texan, I cringe when I read the ridiculous comments made by many at our state capital regarding Obama's birth. Then, I remember that many of these same people are the ones who, not long ago, decided to banish Thomas Jefferson from our school history books. It's scary that they are occupying positions of power, yet I cannot help but laugh along with the rest of the nation. Like many others in our state, I am hoping for change very soon.
Reflecting, don't worry, there are a lot of crazies outside of Texas, too!