It’s strange. I feel like I should be posting about how we’ve failed, but that we’re dusting ourselves off and getting back in the fertility ring.  But last week I peed on a stick and didn’t want to know the results. So I got Ellie some milk and snuggled… Read full post »

I honestly did not have any faith that my body would do what I needed it to do in order to get pregnant. I didn’t do any of the stress-reducing things that I thought I should do…massage, listen to my fertility hypnosis cd,  simply relax. So, amped up on anxiety I… Read full post »

I didn’t realize I could swing from one decision to another. I am nauseous from the ups and downs.  Yes, we are done. Yes, we want to try again. I was already thinking these things before I knew if I was pregnant or not.  I was thinking it the day after… Read full post »

The day of reckoning.  Day 10 - ultrasound.  Did my follicles develop? There is something very comforting about going to my morning appointment.  It has been months since we tried, but  this return is a like a familiar rhythm. From sitting in the waiting room next to the oversized… Read full post »

After a consult with my fertility doctor, he explained that the low thyroid test was not so low that it was affecting my ovulation.  The thyroid medication would be good for avoiding future problems with really low thyroid levels and I would simply need to stay on it through a successful… Read full post »

We are taking a sabbatical.  After getting my period again, I was disheartened, even though I know it is a 10-15% chance of getting pregnant each time.  Not getting pregnant and not trying to get pregnant required about a week of mourning. When I finally came out of the cloud of… Read full post »

A 2-cycle break turned into 3 months later...Sometimes it is important to simply take a vacation from trying to get pregnant.  The holidays were about to hit and both sides of the family would be… Read full post »

Tomorrow marks the fourteenth day since our latest insemination attempt.  I will not be doing a pregnancy test until the weekend, or not at all, if I get my period before then. CJ is working tech rehearsals with her stagecraft kids and will be arriving home after 9 every night this… Read full post »

CJ is on fall break and Ella has been sick and we've been waiting for my ultrasound to find out when we will be trying again and when we could get out of town for a few days for a little vacation.

So Monday, before work, I get the handshake followed… Read full post »

Can you be both pessimistic and hopeful? Immediately after the IUI I felt hopeless,  but felt there were good signs for this round.  The good sized follicle, CJ at the procedure...then six days later I had spotting.  Maybe there was implantation - a chemical pregnancy they call it when… Read full post »

The 10 pills have been taken and just before my scheduled ultrasound on Day 10, I get Ella’s cold. There is nothing better than feeling all the symptoms your child is experiencing while trying to comfort her.  I am also worried because I had a bad cold last time we tried,… Read full post »

What might happen if we don’t get pregnant?

• We could look into adopting.

• I could finish…

            That novel

            That TV pilot

      

… Read full post »

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

It is hard to figure out how to count the days. Did I ovulate before the IUI or just after? It is Day 14, then day 15, and now day 16 after the IUI and I am not bleeding.… Read full post »

I was really good with the waiting, at first.  I didn't think much about the possible multiplying ball of cells bouncing its way down my fallopian tube towards my uterus. Didn't analyze every twinge or emotional dip and rise that may have been hormonally inspired. 

I have a lot to distract… Read full post »

The next day I can feel the Lutenizing Hormone like I never have before. I am exhausted and can't concentrate, plus there is a lot of "chatter" in my fertile regions.  And I don't want to be graphic, but the sign of all signs that you are ready to conceive...cervical mucus… Read full post »

On day 10, 11 or 12 (count from the first day of menstruation), an ultrasound is scheduled to check on the progress of follicle growth.  If your ovaries have produced a follicle that measures a minimum of 16 mm then they'll schedule the ovulation induction shot and consequently the insemination.… Read full post »

On the day of our intial consult with our fertility doctor, I was 12 days from my next menstrual cycle.  For the year we tried to conceive Ella, everything in our lives revolved around countdowns and cycles. For the last six months, I had diligently tracked my cycle and to my… Read full post »

I didn't simply say "okay" and hang up when I found out  our donor - Ella's donor  - was "inactive."  I asked, suppressing the desperation as best I could, "Isn't there a way to re-activate him?"  Like his batteries just needed recharged or a touch of a button that turned his… Read full post »

3 years ago, my partner and I wanted to document our trials and tribulations with fertility - trying to start a family - trying to get knocked up.  We had many difficulties, went through two donors, two fertility doctors and lost one of our fetuses at the end of the first… Read full post »