Scene:  A simple square breakfast table with two Windsor style chairs placed at either end.  A vase (center table) holds a white rose and a tulip.

Joe Lieberman and Joe Lieberman enter stage right and take their seats, facing each other. They are dressed in identical green plaid bathrobes.

Joe Lieberman:  The bath water felt tepid to me.

Joe Lieberman:  Not to me, but I prefer showers.

Joe Lieberman:  Showers are ok for weekdays.  On Sundays I like to relax and read in the tub.

Joe Lieberman:  Suit yourself.  I think I’ll just have toast.

Joe Lieberman:  On Sundays I really want more, maybe a boiled egg.  Let’s have an egg.

Joe Lieberman: Suit yourself.

[Neither moves]

Joe Lieberman:  I’m getting a lot of pressure from Harry about this health care vote.

Joe Lieberman:  Me too.  What should we do?

Joe Lieberman:  Play it cranky as always--you know, conscience, higher values.  That’s what the people of Kentucky elected us to do.

Joe Lieberman:  Connecticut. 

Joe Lieberman:  Whatever, it's not about them, it’s about…

Joe Lieberman: Israel?

Joe Lieberman:  No not this time.  This time it’s about letting the bastards know who’s boss.  You don’t throw Joe Lieberman to the dogs and then tell him to go fetch.

Joe Lieberman:  Go fetch what?

Joe Lieberman:  It’s a figure of speech.  You’d don’t throw Joe Lieberman to the dogs and then expect favors from him.  I’m nobody’s bitch.

Joe Lieberman:  We have to make that clear.

Joe Lieberman:  Your G-d-damn right we do.  I want Americans to know that Joe Lieberman is nobody’s bitch.  I’m not a Democratic bitch and I’m not a Republican bitch.  I’m an independent son of a bitch.

Joe Lieberman:  When you talk that way, and that little vein in your neck bulges, it makes me want maybe two eggs.

Joe Lieberman:  Only problem is, the polls.

Joe Lieberman:  Forget it.  We look tough when we go unpredictable.  People respect us. Remember how unpredictable Mama was, and we respected her.

Joe Lieberman:  I wasn’t elected to do anybody’s laundry.  I have a conscience.  My conscience tells me the insurance companies have the health and welfare of the American people at heart.

Joe Lieberman: And we’re an independent son of a bitch.

Joe Lieberman:  The Hartford Courant said I talked like Droopy Dog.

Joe Lieberman:  We do talk like Droopy Dog, remember how we used to break all the kids in Hebrew School up with the impersonation. [In Droopy voice says] “Sorry were you perhaps expecting maybe Vincent Price?”

Joe Lieberman:  I thought I was doing Yogi Bear?

Joe Lieberman:  No, Droopy.  We did the whole “Shooting of Dan McGoo” routine from the MGM cartoon.  Maybe some grapefruit.  Is there any grapefruit?

Joe Lieberman:  I hate grapefruit.  It’s not like I don’t want reform, you understand.  I’m a reformer.  Liebermans have always been reformers.

Joe Lieberman:  That’s why we divorced Betty and married Hadassah, right?

Joe Lieberman:  That’s why we support a woman’s right to choose.

Joe Lieberman:  That’s why we want laws against violent video games.

Joe Lieberman:  That’s why we supported the war in Iraq.

Joe Lieberman:  Not so much.  We just don’t like Arabs.

Joe Lieberman:  Anyway, like we said, this is about conscience.  This is about values.

Joe Lieberman:   And Hadassah’s job at Hill and Knowlton.  How can I look them in the eye at the Holiday Party if I’ve just sold health and pharmaceuticals down the river?

 Joe Lieberman:  Nobody understands these higher principles my friend.  Thank G-d we’ve got each other.

Joe Lieberman:  Amen to that.

[Joe Lieberman and Joe Lieberman touch hands across the table.  Spot fades to dim, then black]