For months now various appendages of my body have been acting out. My nipple will twitch, my hands shake, my feet ache, my ears go cold and my legs will often tighten up in knots. All of my life I have lived with various physical ailments from respiratory difficulties to panic disorder. Various physicians and psychologists have categorized me as hypochondriacal. “It is all in your head,” they continually tell me but I have always known something that they don’t. It’s in my body. These symptoms that I manifest are no doubt the result of ways that I think, but growing up in a family where tension, anger and animosity were daily emotional experiences is the without a doubt the root cause of my disease. Up until recently my symptoms have been mostly psychosomatic, but now these strange twitches, spasms and shakes have constituted a new level of physical dis-ease for me.

I visit an acupuncturist (when I can afford to do so) who recommended that I get a magnetic mattress. She told me that the magnets would be beneficial in balancing out my body’s messed up energy, regenerating healthy cell growth and improving my circulation. Since I have nothing to loose at this point- I decided to give the mattress a try. My nipple has gotten to the point where it will twitch twenty-four hours a day. Recently while at a job interview it would not stop twitching and it caused me to break out in a cold sweat (and not get the job). I am told that if I sleep on the magnetic mattress my symptoms will not only improve but also possibly diminish altogether. The only problem is that I have to sleep on the floor.

After four years of sleeping together, my wife and I have become accustomed to the marital bed. Even though on many nights we fight and go to sleep on opposite corners of the bed- normally we like to snuggle ourselves to sleep. I curl my long lanky arms around her waist and cup one of her breasts in the palm of my hand. Normally I have difficulties sleeping but when I have my body pressed up close to hers, feeling like I am holding on to something tangible and concrete allows me to completely let go. In the mornings my arms are often still draped around her waist and I feel as if I have received a good nights sleep. Now that I have been using the mattress pad there has been little snuggling for us. My wife is mad that we are sleeping apart. She feels as if I have chosen the magnetic mattress over her, but as my symptoms subside she is realizing that maybe this is not the case.

It has been difficult for my wife to be married to a man that suffers from so many odd maladies. She often does not understand what is going on with me (a luxury of the healthy). I put the magnetic mattress down on the floor on my side of the bed, which keeps us far apart at night. Before trying to get to sleep I say goodnight only to be met with what sounds like a “good night” filled with frustration and pain. I trust that as my twitching nipple, spasming legs, shaking hands and cold ears return to some semblance of normalcy, my wife will understand more why I sleep on the floor.

I do not expect that magnetic mattress to save my life. Nor do I expect it to save my marriage, find me a job and help me to get a novel written and published. What I would like is for the magnetic mattress to give me a small amount of inner peace. I spend more hours of my waking day worrying about my various symptoms than I do thinking about anything else. I have had to increase the amount of alcohol that I drink just to deal with the turmoil created by negative thoughts. Not only am I at a point in my life where I need to be vigorous and strong but also my symptoms are putting into jeopardy everything that I find satisfying about being me. After a few weeks of sleeping on the magnetic mattress I have noticed certain symptoms start to abate- but a new problem has developed. I have developed a magnetic charge.

My acupuncturist warned me that a magnetic charge could occur. It is nothing to be to worried about but there is some cause for concern. If I am around any metallic object I will feel a certain magnetic pull. The pull is slight but a enough to cause me some discomfort. Whenever I am around loose change, cars, cell phones, computers or any other metallic object I feel what only can be compared to as a loss of gravity. My body absorbs a hot pressure that causes me to break out into a minor sweat and my feet feel as if they are being lifted off the floor. The hair on my arms and head stands up and lately I have noticed that my skin will turn bright red. It is difficult for me to do simple things like drive a car, use a computer, cook and open the refrigerator because not only will my fingers stick but the magnetic pull can cause me to drool (even as I write this it feels as if I am typing with weights on my fingers and I am drooling all over my shirt and desk). This is embarrassing and has not done much for my sexual appeal, but I have contacted my acupuncturist who tells me that as soon as my body habituates itself to the magnetic charge of the mattress- these new symptoms will abate. “Remain patient,” she says “and everything will get better in the end.” I believe her and continue to go about my life just as I normally would, despite my magnetic charge.