Note: I have no idea who conducted this interview, but it wasn’t me. I just found it floating around the Blogosphere.

Q. How are you, Judy? 

A: Are you kidding? I have 2000 more posts to read and it’s already 3:00 PM 

Q. Wow. How many do… Read full post »

1. Each person will now be charged $85 for TSA inspections of baggage, shoes etc. If your feet smell, tack on another $20.    

2. If the plane crashes and you survive, you will be charged a survival fee of $1000.

3… Read full post »

First off, the only people who really know what happens after you die are stand-up comedians. To them, dying means they don’t get booked at Caesar’s Palace.

But seriously folks…

The Soul Train

Einstein said: “Energy cannot be… Read full post »

1. Triathlon: Competitors ski Cross Country, then stop to shoot at a target, and then stop again to bake oatmeal raisin cookies.

2. Ski Jumping: Competitors ski down the jump backwards while signing a Last Will and Testament. Extra points can be gained by degree of difficulty, which invol/… Read full post »

Since 1940, there have been countless adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, some of them films, some theatrical rendtions, some miniseries, and some PBS and BBC productions.

Even a Bollywood version of the novel recently made it to the big screen --- sarongs and Vindalo… Read full post »

Here are 25 things I can do:

1. Run the mile in 40 seconds while knitting.

2. Make love to 12 women at the same time and satisfy them all except for the one named Edgar.

3. Copy the Mona Lisa but leave out the face.

4. Win 50 Olympic gold… Read full post »

Jeff Brawer and I were college roommates for two years when we both attended Tufts University in Boston. I’m not sure exactly which years these were because I’m still high.

I do recall that it wasn’t a marriage made in heaven, but I was lacking a TV and stereo,… Read full post »

After a five-year stint as a screenwriter, I decided –- stupidly -- to write a novel. At the time, I had a West Coast agent, but he didn’t sell books, so I had to find a new agent, a process I would liken to having your testicles surgically removed by a carpenter.… Read full post »

JB:  It’s nice here in New Hampshire. Very quiet. 

JDS: I like my privacy.  

JB: So I’ve heard.  

JDS: Where’d you hear that? 

JB: It’s common knowledge, Mr. Salinger 

JDS: Call me Jay. People who don’t much like me/… Read full post »

Ever since I started blogging on this site, I’ve read hundreds of posts about remarkably intelligent pets --- cute little dogs that can explain quantum physics, adorable cats that can read Proust, sweet canaries that can pitch for the Yankees, colorful fish that can play Chopin nocturnes on a S… Read full post »

Like everything else in Hollywood, my first movie –- “Short Time” --- was made because of a combination of luck, timing, and some shameless groveling on my part. But mostly luck. For once in my life, the cookie fortune was right and the stars were aligned in my favor, not that… Read full post »

The Jewish GPS:

I said turn right, schlemiel. Don’t you listen? What, you know everything better?  I hope you didn’t spend all your Bar Mitzvah gelt on this cockamamie thing. And why aren’t you wearing a sweater? It’s cold. Did you wash your hands befor/… Read full post »

When I was a kid, back in the Fifties, TV sets were heavy, unwieldy boxes with enormous rear ends that held an assortment of tubes. There was no such thing as remote control. We switched channels by turning a knob. Often the knob would break off and you’d have to use… Read full post »

What exactly is bantering? According to most dictionaries, it’s “an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good natured raillery.”

Not much is known about when and where bantering began. It may have started with cavemen, but if that’s the case, it probably i… Read full post »

Q: Why won't sharks attack agents? 

A: Professional courtesy

It might not be the smartest idea for me to be writing this, but at the moment I’m not involved in the movie business, so who cares? However, if I ever decide to plunge back… Read full post »

The Underpants Bomber may very well have opened up a whole new chapter in airport security. For example, how long will it be before the anus becomes the hiding place of choice? What do we do to detect this? The conglomeration of odors may very well either confuse or repel the… Read full post »

In my youth (or what my kids refer to as medieval times), when I was a smartass kid attending a small-town New York elementary school, my class was required to take a geography course. It was a basic part of the curriculum. I suppose our school board perceived that it would… Read full post »

Instead of sending 30,000 troops, send 30,000 mimes.

FedEx them Arabic dessert pastries laced with stool softener and LSD.

Make the Taliban fighters into easy targets by airlifting 50,000 of the most colorful Snuggies into the region.

Air drop Taliban teenagers cel… Read full post »

To me, Ebenezer Scrooge is the most charming, loveable and delightfully rotten curmudgeon ever created. His lack of Christmas spirit is utterly refreshing. The sourpuss at the start is so much more entertaining than the transformed Ebenezer, who’s about as interesting as egg nog.

Since most low-level development execs are in their 20s. never utter the title of any movie that was made before they were six years old. If you mention My Man Godfrey, you’ll get no reaction. The upside is that you can pitch the plot of My Man Godfrey and they’ll think it’s/… Read full post »

Gemini: Saturn is near your third moon, so beware of mechanical problems. One day this month, your GPS will malfunction and you’ll end up in the worst part of town at midnight. Then your car will break down. A heavily armed street gang will approach you. You will frantically dial 911/… Read full post »

Camping: A form of recreation in which people voluntarily leave the comfort of their homes to emulate the lifestyle of Neanderthal Man. It usually results in insect bites, poison ivy, backaches, and has become an excellent source of income for the motel industry.

K.O.A: The acronym for &l… Read full post »

Trying to get somebody in Hollywood to read --- let alone buy --- a spec script is like trying to get somebody with ecoli to eat steak tartare. At any given time, there is such a plethora of screenplays floating around Hollywood that if you piled them all on top of… Read full post »

What do Woody Allen, Patrick Swayze, Mel Brooks, Rodney Dangerfield, Milton Berle, Don Rickles, Henny Youngman, George Burns and Jerry Lewis all have in common?

They all performed in the Borscht Belt, otherwise known as "The Jewish Alps." (Swayze actually filmed "Dirty Dancing"… Read full post »