A few years ago, when I was teaching Advanced Robotics at MIT, a representative from an anonymous Republican PAC offered me an obscene amount of money to build a generic Republican candidate. "Nothing fancy," he said. "Just something that will fill a suit."

I was confused. "But you already ha… Read full post »

Nora and I worked at Esquire at the same time, she as a columnist, me as a lowly fact-checker. It was 1973. We'd passed each other in the halls occasionally, perhaps rode an elevator together, but she had no idea who I was and I wasn't quite bold enough to tell… Read full post »

For those men who take for granted the concept of oral contraception, let's pretend that it's 1958 and there's no pill. What were your contraceptive options back then?

First, there was the prophylactic. A disease preventative, yes, but also an exasperating hassle.

Back in 19… Read full post »

God, I love President Santorum. Thanks to him, I’m a person now. A year ago ago, just embryos were people. But that’s not really fair, so now Rick has gone even farther and decided that I have rights too. I mean, I’m half the equation, right?

Free at last! Free… Read full post »

Hucksterism has gotten way out of hand in America. It’s downright sickening. Take Herman Cain. Please. This is a guy who ran for President to promote a book!

Or take Donald Trump. Please. His campaign was a promotion for his pathetic TV series. Nobody except Lawrence O’Donnell seem… Read full post »

Screen name:  TiffanyGuy$$$ 

Age: 68 

Married, Divorced, Widowed or Single? It's complicated.

Religion: Not a Mormon.

What Are You Looking for in a Woman? I’m searching for that special woman who will understand and appreciate that I’… Read full post »

I’ve been doing Mitt’s hair since he graduated from college. He tried a chic Beverly Hills hair stylist once – Raoul -- but the guy took too much off the top and Mitt had to go into hiding for a month. Mitt's very particular about his hair. Once, when he had a… Read full post »

Hoping to capitalize on the lucrative over-fifty Boomer market, Apple has unveiled its much-anticipated new smartphone for seniors, the iSight 6t. The revolutionary device comes with apps designed specifically for Boomers who are plagued by nostalgia issues or health problems (including senioritis.)… Read full post »

Thanks to Michele Bachmann, the tired concept of Intelligent Design has once again become a topic of conversation among Creationists, most of whom, ironically, often sound like Neanderthals.  In case you don’t know, this theory claims that the human body is simply too remarkable to ha/… Read full post »

We've seen Sarah Palin's History Channel, courtesy of Conan O'Brien. This is her next step: 

Chapter One: In 1824, George Washington wrote the six articles of the Declaration of Independence which was ratified by 17 of the original 13 American colonies right after our brave soldiers/… Read full post »

WASHINGTON, D.C. In an unprecedented move, The RNC announced today that the Republican Party has decided to cancel its primaries and run nobody for president in 2012.

Speaking to reporters, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus explained the decision: “We think that running nobody … Read full post »

That's right, the invitation arrived a few weeks ago. I wasn't surprised, although Pete, my mail carrier, was puzzled by the fancy calligraphy on the envelope. I told him it was probably  from one of those charities that thinks you'll be dumb enough to open the envelope if the address looks… Read full post »

Day One: Chief Justice Roberts administers the oath of office. President Palin repeats the words “So help me God,” fifty-five times and won’t let go of the Bible. The benediction lasts six hours.

In her inaugural speech, she proclaims that, "Democratic countries of the world… Read full post »

House Republicans have come up with a new gimmick -- putting the words "Jobs Creation Act" at the end of every bill in order to camouflage the real intent of the legislation. Here's a comprehensive list of all the "jobs legislation" the Tea Party Congress has  introduced so far:

HR 211:… Read full post »

Once a year, for reasons that make sense only to them, the former Confederate States of America commemorate their participation in what they euphemistically refer to as “The War of Secession.” 

This year marks the150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War (South… Read full post »

I recently attended a dinner party thrown by a friend of mine who fancies herself a gourmet chef. She’d prepared a lavish dinner for six and I was the first one to finish eating because everybody else just couldn’t stop jabbering about how splendid it all was. While my food was… Read full post »

My wife and I -- both of us Democratic activists -- were so certain that a Democrat would win the White House in 2008, we decided to attend the inauguration and promptly made hotel reservations in DC before anybody even knew who the nominee would be. (We were guessing it would be Hillary… Read full post »

This post is not awesome. It might be inspirational. It might be dazzling. It might be delightful. But awesome? No.

The Pyramids are awesome. The Great Wall of China is awesome. The stupidity of the American voter is awesome.

Last week, I heard a teenage… Read full post »

When Dickens’ A Christmas Carol was published in 1843, London was a virtual cesspool. The city's stench was overpowering because the science of sewage disposal involved dumping everything that stank in the Thames. There were rats everywhere and they were not spreading holiday cheer. I… Read full post »

Picture this: I am standing in line at an airport security check. I place my luggage and computer bag on the belt. Next, I dump all my change, keys and other random pocket debris in the little basket. I take off my shoes. Then I remove my belt and add it… Read full post »

During my five year term as President of America, I had to make many impotent decisions. Dick told me being president would be easy but he was wrong, and you can only fool him twice so shame on me. Dick never told me there’d be a Congress. This was a big… Read full post »

The literary community is abuzz over the discovery of a heretofore unknown collection of poems by the English poet William Wordsworth. The cache includes early verses, giving scholars new insight into the poet’s youth. As early as his fourth year, Wordsworth penned these immortal lines,… Read full post »

Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld works for the DuPont Corp. where he tests Kevlar vests. 

“He’s not very good at it,” his boss, Herman Tweed says. “Often he cowers in fear when he’s shot at. Sometimes, we run out of safety helmets and Don’s Mom has… Read full post »

Since I’m a hypochondriac, every minor pain I suffer is invariably life threatening.  Every headache is a brain tumor. Every bout of indigestion is either stomach cancer or angina.  Every sore throat means I’ll need to have my larynx removed and wear one of those gizmos that&rsq/… Read full post »

The purpose of the first leg of our ill-fated trip was to attend my sister-in-law’s wedding in a tiny suburb of Nuremburg called Weilersbach. Weilersbach is an adorable little town where men push empty wheelbarrows and women stand on their doorsteps sweeping nothing. I assume that the town was… Read full post »