The reason I hate emoticons is that they're just plain infantile and so are the people who use them. If you're trying to communicate humor or happiness or sadness, you don't need to express yourself with a conglomeration of sideways parentheses, ampersands and colons. Use your words. Hieroglyphics are no longer necessary. If you're being funny, happy or sad, that should be apparent from the comment that precedes the emoticon.
And if there's no writing involved, just an emoticon, you're basically a simpleton with nothing to say. Or just plain lazy.
Plus, it's annoying, because the poor recipient has to crane his neck to even decipher what the hell the stupid symbol is supposed to mean. I don't mind craning my neck, but I only do it for tacos and women lying on the beach.
Here's one of my favorites: The emoticon of a little face with its tongue sticking out. My goodness, that's sooooo clever. If you're an eight year old. Welcome to the third grade.
A woman I know once sent me an emoticon of a penis, followed by an emoticon of a vagina. At least that's what I thought they were supposed to be. For all I know, the penis was Abe Lincoln and the vagina was Mt. Vesuvius.
It was a lesson for me. I never knew you could do obscene emoticons. Live and learn. I answered by sending her this emoticon: (())&& ====n*^D840099%%MM. It means, "Can we have dinner at your house? Wear a thong. Nothing else." She didn't answer. It must have been Abe Lincoln after all.
I'm proud to say that I can't figure out how to do emoticons, except for the really easy ones. I guess I'm just emoticon-challenged. I wear this as a badge of honor. It means that I have an intellect.
Emoticon-users are the same people who dot their “I’s” with circles or hearts or happy faces. Emoticons are just so…. cutesy, they make me want to vomit.
Interestingly, men don't use emoticons very much. Maybe not at all. At least I've never seen one at the end of a sentence written by a man. Teenage girls and women seem to be the main culprits. Maybe there's an emoticon gene. But if you're a woman over twenty-five and you're using emoticons, you probably should have your endorphin level checked.
Okay, now here's the challenge. Put on your thinking emoticon caps (is there an oxymoron in there somewhere?) and let's see who can make the most creative emoticon. Be sure to tell us exactly what the hell the stupid thing stands for. The winner gets the coveted "I'm- A Five -Year- Old Award."
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davidswanson
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Comments
;P
Just for that, Mr. Crabbypants >:(
What? Emoticon? Not Emotion? Oh.
Never mind.
I forgot. That's the one I really like. Meow.
Thanks, John. You managed to perk up a crappy Monday morning. Good work!
Seriously though....I will use a smiley face from time to time because my sarcastic humor can be misunderstood and I worry that someone might not get that I am just kidding. I am guilty, now do I get to sit at the head of the class or in the back where I can throw spit-balls at your head?
Rated!
8-{(
Just for you I'm going to find the list of boob emoticons that I've referenced before in a comment a few months back:
Perky Boobs (*)(*)
Big Nipple Boobs (@)(@)
A Cups o o
D Cups { O }{ O }
Wonder Bra Boobs (oYo)
Cold Boobs ( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided Boobs (o)(O)
Pierced Nipple Boobs (Q)(O)
Hanging Tassels Boobs (p)(p)
Grandma's Boobs \ o /\ o /
Against The Shower Door Boobs ( )( )
Android Boobs | o | | o |
Mammogram Boobs ___ ___
(ôvô)
I guess mine is supposed to represent a laughing kid with fat cheeks wearing a party hat, but it's easier just to write:
R.
" 'Moby-Dick' To Be Rewritten in Emoticons "
". . .Fred Berenson, a clearly fascinating research associate at New York University, has managed to gain sufficient funding to attempt a project that I feel sure none of you has contemplated.
For Berenson has decided to rewrite a veritable whale of a book, "Moby-Dick," entirely in emoticons. "
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10377272-71.html
(insert good-natured ribbing emoticon here)
Now, if only I knew how to do an emoticon of me turning on my heel and exiting the room in a huff.
And, I love Cindy Ross!
Second attempt:
*
you think we don't know you just like to start pissing matches on monday, john? you think some of us aren't wise to you?
if i knew an emoticon for flipping you off, i'd type it RIGHT HERE.
8-D
Sandy Claws. Merry Xmas.
I could never figure them out.
However I do hate it when someone (a woman, usually) insults me with a happy face - as if I am too stupid to figure out her words were insulting because there is a happy face emoticon afterward, or perhaps she is hoping I will be scratching my head all day wondering if I have been insulted or not. Ex: That dress makes you look fat :) uh-huh.
So anyway, my entry in the contest of creative emoticon is probably not the most creative but is certainly my favorite.
o.O
Crazy eyes (with a dot for a nose - hey no neck craning you can look at this one right side up!) It would mean something like a guffaw, or a "what the hell???" or "HUH?!?" or just "that's/you're/I'm CRAZY!"
On that note: ( . )( . )
(:0
(LOL)
http://open.salon.com/blog/david_goodloe/2009/07/25/some_werds
I, too, loathe emoticons.
Rated
I totally agree with you, John. Later : )
the cat lady did the kitty, so here's a bunny!
(\_/)
(^.^)
(")(")
|//
(o o)
+---------oOO----(_)-------------------+
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
|~~~~~~~~~ ¤ LOL ¤ ~~~~~|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
+--------------------oOO----------------+
|__|__|
|| ||
ooO Ooo
So, even the most trite (-: can avoid conflict by indicating "I'm just kidding," for example. It can also become an economy of language, shortening the expression and limiting the risk of Carpal Tunnel disorders.
I developed a few and explain those that I think need it, and use others in these examples-
( ) cheek
( d-:) tongue In cheek, also used in deviant sex chatrooms
( * ) ass
(pa*in) pain in the ass
: pain : pain in the colon
: Powell
She's on her.
Colonostomy = ;
% undescended testicle
- ^ pointless
# your >> equal rights
~ me tilde end of time
Example:
Gladys is being a (pa*in). I think she's on her. ~ me
# your >> ......equal rights
~me .....tilde end of time
Lesson....don't use left/right arrows in OS comments.
Try google chat -- the :) will mysteriously shift 90 degrees clockwise. An example of why, if something isn't worth doing, it isn't worth doing well.
But fascinating that the big G is on top of things.
√+
I always did know, however, that I was a childish sort, one who, for example, refuses to accept the fact that she is old and must behave with dignity.
This is me sticking my tongue out at you! Some of us, who lack the "obvious" or "universal" humor gene, rely on them to make sure our humor comes through. Annoying as they are, I need them as I can be too dry some times.
But, just in case, I will be getting my IQ checked. :-)
(Annoying little fact: only 7% of communication comes through words. Sorry, am I inching too far into the intelligent realm?)
Assinine...
rated
nonverbals of the world unite and take this guy out ;)
Bingo, Tom. And it's not just readers, but also includes bloggers & floggers that don't know the difference between parody, satire, ridicule and ignorance.
Homer Simpson!
(do I win?)
lol
: D
See how difficult it is to know whether someone is being serious? I bet that's how many wars are started.
Or maybe just bored... : |
Or sick... 8 ^ b
Before now I was an emoticon virgin... I feel so cheap.
does punctuation-as-profanity count?!?! in the Official/Authorized Blumenthal System of Expression?? cuz dude, I bet that form of it [arguably the original Emoticon] dates back decades in comic strips. & editorial cartoons .. it would be interesting to trace who used it first.
dude, what a drag, you've crossed the line, and now you've joined the Supercilious Matriarchy headed somewhat by Emma Peel, another Punctuation Nazi.. the thing is, she's some kind of english teacher I think, so she's got a license to be anal.... but geez.... from a former playboy editor??? dude, how the mighty have fallen
it substitutes the punctuation with the actual emoticon. on sophisticated forum/web software all over the internet (which I generally WOULDNT put Salon in, with its whitebread, vanilla style), this feature is ALSO built in. so if it was built into OS, would you defy it?!?!
better be careful because if OS is at all serious about improving its interface and functionality [which I admit, there are many signs they ARENT] then they would add/include this feature as highly useful to users.
but, OS, and its responsiveness to user feedback, well that of course is a whole other rant.
@#%^*& next I bet you'll start ranting againt people who are capitalization-challenged :p
f***, f***, f***!!!
so I guess you and emma peel would feel that line is improved by spelling out the word exactly??? yeah, lets appoint you two OS dictators tomorrow & the world will be a better place :)
I say Karin gets at least the silver, with her Homer Simpson. Me, I can't even cuss with punctuation, which is why I spell out four-letter words.
{o
O }
{ o
Gold - Cindy
Silver - Paul
Bronze - Karin
An honorable mention to DktrShe for stating the forgotten obvious - men's lack of emotional intelligence. :0)~
Sandra: ~ ~
o o
"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth;-( whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul;-( whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet;-( and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then O.o, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can :-)"
No? I must have been reading the unabridged version.
:)
& gets Curmudgeon of the Day award on OS.
dont worry john, theres so many on here, you will quickly have a successor.
ps good news for you & all the other geezers on here
Geezer? Didn't anybody tell you to respect your elders? Maybe Emma Peel and I should team up and call ourselves "The Avengers." (You might want to Google that vzn, so you get the reference. It's a geezer thing.) )--:)>
i havent found a substitute for them, and i think the fact they make me unmarriageable is punishment enough, really, don't you?
:-)
I an an outspoken asshole sometimes (but a lovely, loving, funny person, I swear) and because I've been working with email since 1983, I learned early on that things that you write online can easily be misconstrued.
Learn the new language kids. Learn to communicate online clearly. Be OBVIOUSLY silly or sarcastic. I feel like those icons are the equililent of someone saying, "Your ass looks fat in those pants. Just kidding."
Say what you mean. And stop fucking clarifying it or assuming an apologetic posture with this crap.
I wish that folks would simply own what they write and stop with the cartoon shit. You wrote it! Own it!
:-)
THAT was the smiley after the bash, which is a shitty smiley and should be banned.
but far from all smileys are shitty smileys. plenty are perfectly sincere online i cant see you or even hear you but we are talking smiles.
truly, nothing to get so worked up about.
Using an often confusing icon ALWAYS looks like an excuse or an apology to me. It's a tentative gesture, saying, "please please please GET what I was saying, and PLEASE put the proper slant on it. Please please please LIKE me, because I used a cartoon to WINK at you so that you won't disagree with me. No offense!"
I think that people should write unapologetically. And stop using icons to express any doubts about their ability to convey their thoughts. Again, OWN it. Write clearly, and ball up.
but i 'less than 3' that this topic spawned so many comments
\%/ (a rocks martini for the author)
But, to be fair...I still catch myself dotting my 'i's with stars. Tiny stars, but stars. Sooooooo right. >.>
~@~ Did you know this is supposed to be a pile of shit?
No lie.
Buckle your seat belt. We're in for a bumpy ride.
~( ):>
Some of keep our day jobs.
I propose we all chip in and buy John one of these:
http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=118497
; ^ ) (flirty)
(:^ ) (content)
): ^ ( (angry)
: ^ * (That's kising!)
: ^ p (licking my tongue at you)
[ : 9 ( Made this one up... I give you permission to coin it! hahahahaha!)
I just thought I'd share these things with you because, after reading the blog entitled "Isn’t it Time to Stop Using “LOL?", and then reading this one; I have come to the conclusion that the reason you are so mad about the LOL, LMAO's, and emoticons is because you feel left out. Yeah, that's right! Left out! You don't get it, and thats all good buddy.
You are from a different generation. So it is expected that you should, could, and would not get it.
All of these things were developed right when the internet was getting popular. And yeah, its X generation lingo.
Yes, I agree, it's pretty irritating at times and idiotic. But it's fun and not to be taken toooooo seriously old fogey.
But don't "rorry liddle baby. We will twy to make you feel bewwa" by explaining every emoticon, and abbreviated emotion for you okay!
; * (kisses)
-rated!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!
oh my god I am so LOLin that is so not funny. YCMU (you crack me up) Hahahahahaha!!!!!
(I'm such a girl)