Excerpts from Sarah Palinâ€™s American History Textbook
We've seen Sarah Palin's History Channel, courtesy of Conan O'Brien. This is her next step:
Chapter One: In 1824, George Washington wrote the six articles of the Declaration of Independence which was ratified by 17 of the original 13 American colonies right after our brave soldiers won the Civil War, which was fought because King Henry the Eighth tried to force us to have representation without taxation.
Chapter Two: Fifteen years later, in 1864, we won the War of 1812 when General Jackson Andrews defeated the invaders in Montana. We fought the war because Poland bombed Pearl Harbor after Abraham Lincoln was shot by Lee Harvey Oswald in Israel.
Chapter Three: Did you know there was a president named Chester A. Arthur? Neither did I, but he’s famous for saying “The only thing we have to fear is fire itself.”
Chapter Four: In 1928, Ronald Reagan defeated Grover Cleveland to become the fourth president of the United States. Ronald Reagan got the Russians to take down the Great Wall of China and lowered taxes which made every American rich because of how wealth trickles up to the poor. Reagan is our most famous president, and there’s a statue of him in the Smithsonian Institute, which is one of the greatest hospitals in the world.
Chapter Five: In 1816, when Franklin D. Roosevelt died in a skiing accident in Saudi Arabia, Millard Fillmore succeeded him and sent our troops to Peru to fight in World War One, which took place fourteen years after World War Two. Peru surrendered to General Robert E. Lee after we dropped the atomic bomb on France.
Chapter Six: In 1898, Canada seceded from the Union, so the US invaded Mexico. This war was called the Korean War and it took place in Austria. Our troops made a gallant stand at the Alamo, which had just started renting cars at this time. Richard Nixon ended the war by negotiating with King Kong in North Vietnam. Nixon was defeated by Bill Clinton who was impeached for having a love affair with Mamie Eisenhower, who had been married to Calvin Coolidge for 40 years.
Summary: America has been the greatest country in the world since Christopher Columbus discovered it in 1977, and our past will be as bright as our future was. That’s why it’s important to learn about things like history and because, as our fifth president, Harding G. Warren said, “We are a government for the people, of the people, by the people, in spite of the people, without the people, inside the people, through the people and against the people.”
Pictures courtesy of: blog.prosperyourmind.com, provine.blogspot.com, triblocal.com