I’ve been doing Mitt’s hair since he graduated from college. He tried a chic Beverly Hills hair stylist once – Raoul -- but the guy took too much off the top and Mitt had to go into hiding for a month. Mitt's very particular about his hair. Once, when he had a cowlick, his wife had to put him on suicide watch.

Gels and dyes are the most important factors in styling Mitt’s hair. Over the years, we’ve experimented with hundreds of gels and dyes, but eventually I had to concoct one myself. Sometimes the simple stuff works the best. The one I finally came up with is a mixture of black shoe polish and kindergarten paste. Epoxy was too strong and it made his hair stick to the pillow every night. Giving a campaign speech with a pillow stuck to the side of your head is never smart politics unless you’re campaigning in San Francisco on Halloween.

Speaking of politics, I often give Mitt campaign advice. He trusts me. I’m also his fashion consultant. Mitt never knows what to wear when he’s campaigning.

Like he asked me the other day, “Joe, I’m campaigning in rural Iowa tomorrow. What should I wear?” I thought about it for a second. “That’s easy,” I said, “we’re talking serious hayseeds, so a flannel shirt is probably a good idea. Roll up the sleeves. And lose the jeans with the creases in them. Wear overalls. What are overalls? Google Image it. Get a tractor and stand next to it, but don't sit on it -- remember what happened to Dukakis and the tank?"

“How about Mississippi?” he asked once. I thought about it. “If I were you, Mitt, I wouldn’t even go there,” I replied. “They’ll never like you down there, no matter what. But if you’ve got to go, wear a white suit. It’ll make you look like God. God dresses in white.” Mitt nodded. “So a Confederate uniform with my brown Gucci loafers would be too much?” he asked. I nodded. “You don’t want to pander, Mitt.”  Then Mitt said, “I don't?”

One day, he was supposed to eat with some voters at an IHOP in Scranton, PA. “Remind me, Joe,” he said, “do I like blueberry pancakes or waffles?” I had to think about that one. “Well,” I said, “you liked waffles when you were governor of Massachusetts, but now you like pancakes. Pancakes versus waffles is a powerful issue. You should probably play it safe and just order eggs.”