We've seen Sarah Palin's History Channel, courtesy of Conan O'Brien. This is her next step: 

Chapter One: In 1824, George Washington wrote the six articles of the Declaration of Independence which was ratified by 17 of the original 13 American colonies right after our brave soldiers/… Read full post »

WASHINGTON, D.C. In an unprecedented move, The RNC announced today that the Republican Party has decided to cancel its primaries and run nobody for president in 2012.

Speaking to reporters, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus explained the decision: “We think that running nobody … Read full post »

Day One: Chief Justice Roberts administers the oath of office. President Palin repeats the words “So help me God,” fifty-five times and won’t let go of the Bible. The benediction lasts six hours.

In her inaugural speech, she proclaims that, "Democratic countries of the world… Read full post »

Once a year, for reasons that make sense only to them, the former Confederate States of America commemorate their participation in what they euphemistically refer to as “The War of Secession.” 

This year marks the150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War (South… Read full post »

I recently attended a dinner party thrown by a friend of mine who fancies herself a gourmet chef. She’d prepared a lavish dinner for six and I was the first one to finish eating because everybody else just couldn’t stop jabbering about how splendid it all was. While my food was… Read full post »

My wife and I -- both of us Democratic activists -- were so certain that a Democrat would win the White House in 2008, we decided to attend the inauguration and promptly made hotel reservations in DC before anybody even knew who the nominee would be. (We were guessing it would be Hillary… Read full post »

When Dickens’ A Christmas Carol was published in 1843, London was a virtual cesspool. The city's stench was overpowering because the science of sewage disposal involved dumping everything that stank in the Thames. There were rats everywhere and they were not spreading holiday cheer. I… Read full post »

Picture this: I am standing in line at an airport security check. I place my luggage and computer bag on the belt. Next, I dump all my change, keys and other random pocket debris in the little basket. I take off my shoes. Then I remove my belt and add it… Read full post »

During my five year term as President of America, I had to make many impotent decisions. Dick told me being president would be easy but he was wrong, and you can only fool him twice so shame on me. Dick never told me there’d be a Congress. This was a big… Read full post »

Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld works for the DuPont Corp. where he tests Kevlar vests. 

“He’s not very good at it,” his boss, Herman Tweed says. “Often he cowers in fear when he’s shot at. Sometimes, we run out of safety helmets and Don’s Mom has… Read full post »

Unbeknownst to the tabloids, Kim Kardashian is not what she appears to be, but actually one of the world’s foremost astrophysicists. 

For reasons that no one fully understands, Kim has hidden her true persona as a renowned scientist, and deliberately created a bogus image of h… Read full post »

First, I'd like to thank my family and my loyal supporters -- all 8 of you -- who came to City Hall to hear my announcement.

I'd like to thank Mrs. Finkel for her support. I hope you remembered to bring my dry cleaning. You forgot? That's okay. I can… Read full post »

If it hadn't been for my association with the notorious criminal John Dillinger, I wouldn’t be president of the First National Bank of Littleville, Illinois today. 

I first met John Dillinger in a diner in Chicago in July of 1933. I was fresh out of grad school and was int… Read full post »

Why do we Jews drink Manischewitz on Passover?

They don’t make Kosher Tequila.

What is the significance of Matzoh?

It’s a good substitute for cardboard.

Why do we eat bitter herbs on Passover?

To celebrate the invention of… Read full post »

First off, the only people who really know what happens after you die are stand-up comedians. To them, dying means they don’t get booked at Caesar’s Palace.

But seriously folks…

The Soul Train

Einstein said: “Energy cannot be… Read full post »

1. Triathlon: Competitors ski Cross Country, then stop to shoot at a target, and then stop again to bake oatmeal raisin cookies.

2. Ski Jumping: Competitors ski down the jump backwards while signing a Last Will and Testament. Extra points can be gained by degree of difficulty, which invol/… Read full post »

Since 1940, there have been countless adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, some of them films, some theatrical rendtions, some miniseries, and some PBS and BBC productions.

Even a Bollywood version of the novel recently made it to the big screen --- sarongs and Vindalo… Read full post »

Here are 25 things I can do:

1. Run the mile in 40 seconds while knitting.

2. Make love to 12 women at the same time and satisfy them all except for the one named Edgar.

3. Copy the Mona Lisa but leave out the face.

4. Win 50 Olympic gold… Read full post »

Jeff Brawer and I were college roommates for two years when we both attended Tufts University in Boston. I’m not sure exactly which years these were because I’m still high.

I do recall that it wasn’t a marriage made in heaven, but I was lacking a TV and stereo,… Read full post »

After a five-year stint as a screenwriter, I decided –- stupidly -- to write a novel. At the time, I had a West Coast agent, but he didn’t sell books, so I had to find a new agent, a process I would liken to having your testicles surgically removed by a carpenter.… Read full post »

JB:  It’s nice here in New Hampshire. Very quiet. 

JDS: I like my privacy.  

JB: So I’ve heard.  

JDS: Where’d you hear that? 

JB: It’s common knowledge, Mr. Salinger 

JDS: Call me Jay. People who don’t much like me/… Read full post »

Ever since I started blogging on this site, I’ve read hundreds of posts about remarkably intelligent pets --- cute little dogs that can explain quantum physics, adorable cats that can read Proust, sweet canaries that can pitch for the Yankees, colorful fish that can play Chopin nocturnes on a S… Read full post »

Like everything else in Hollywood, my first movie –- “Short Time” --- was made because of a combination of luck, timing, and some shameless groveling on my part. But mostly luck. For once in my life, the cookie fortune was right and the stars were aligned in my favor, not that… Read full post »

When I was a kid, back in the Fifties, TV sets were heavy, unwieldy boxes with enormous rear ends that held an assortment of tubes. There was no such thing as remote control. We switched channels by turning a knob. Often the knob would break off and you’d have to use… Read full post »

Q: Why won't sharks attack agents? 

A: Professional courtesy

It might not be the smartest idea for me to be writing this, but at the moment I’m not involved in the movie business, so who cares? However, if I ever decide to plunge back… Read full post »