Blogging a Dead Horse
- January 05
- john_blumenthal (On Twitter)
- Curmudgeon. Formidable braggart. Comedy writer. Eight books, 2 movies. Former associate editor at Playboy Magazine. Movies include "Short Time," (major flop), and "Blue Streak" (huge hit, no idea why.) Last three novels were "What's Wrong With Dorfman?" (St. Martin's Press), "Millard Fillmore, Mon Amour," (St. Martin's Press) and "Three and a Half Virgins" (Finalist, International Book Awards.)
Latest book -- a spoof of romance novels called "Passing Wind of Love."
MY RECENT POSTS
- Cougars Versus Dirty Old Men.
March 17, 2014 12:31PM
- What Clarence Thomas Thinks
About During Court Hearings
March 13, 2014 06:35PM
- I Met My Girlfriend on
January 04, 2014 02:23PM
- How I Screwed Up My First
November 25, 2013 01:19PM
- The Worst Travel Guide Ever
July 27, 2013 03:15PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Funny post and so true,
Jeff. What gets me is how
Stepford pharma reps
May 22, 2014 12:31PM
- “I liked this better than
my post. But I live
March 23, 2014 08:36PM
- “I can't think of anybody
who has written as eloquently
February 28, 2014 06:57PM
- “I know, right? You can
go on forever with this. Funny
January 05, 2014 12:52AM
- “Why is there a stigma
about lying? Lying is great. I
lie. And I love it
December 30, 2013 07:45PM
John blumenthal's Links
- MY LINKS
Camping: A form of recreation in which people voluntarily leave the comfort of their homes to emulate the lifestyle of Neanderthal Man. It usually results in insect bites, poison ivy, backaches, and has become an excellent source of income for the motel industry.
K.O.A: The acronym for &l… Read full post »
In 1988, the Writers Guild went on strike over a number of issues including –- surprise –- money. The idea was to shut down all film and TV production until our demands were met.
The Writers Guild had strict strike rules -- no one was allowed to take meetings or… Read full post »
I know it’s a meaningless pleasantry, an empty verbal gesture, a cloying alternative to a simple good-bye, but I may bite the nose off the next person who tells me to enjoy my day. Such an act of violence on my part would definitely compromise that person’s day, but it would&nbs/… Read full post »
Crackers: The premise: A timid, neurotic, Woody Allen-type psychiatrist is arrested for a minor offense. Because of a bureaucratic error, he ends up handcuffed to a guy named Vito, a mobster with OCD. When Vito escapes, the cuffs are still on so the shrink is forced to go wi/… Read full post »
They don't let you smoke.
The Stairmaster stairs don’t lead anywhere. If they did, I’d take an elevator.
When I get on a bike, I expect to go somewhere.
Ugly, flabby old guys walk around the locker rooms as if they're proud of something.
The… Read full post »
The consensus among the literary establishment is that author Thomas Pynchon is one of the foremost novelists of our time. His books –- Gravity’s Rainbow, V, The Crying of Lot 49 -- are considered by many to be modern classics.
He is also a recluse. Nobody -- with the pos… Read full post »
During my days as a hack screenwriter, this was my favorite story: According to Hollywood lore, when Disney Studios was constructing a new administration building, the Disney execs interfered with the architect’s plans so mercilessly that the poor man decided to quietly take revenge.&nbs… Read full post »
In 1974, I worked for Esquire magazine as a fact-checker, hardly the most scintillating job in the known universe, but a foot in the door. I had naively expected that my college degree would land me a reasonable salary, but the Esquire job paid $65 a week which, even in… Read full post »
Why is Alexander Hamilton on a $10 bill, while all Thomas Jefferson gets is a lousy $2 bill? Nobody ever sees $2 bills (at least I don’t), but I see $10 bills all the time. What's with that?
Sure, Jefferson gets a nickel too, but a nickel is five lousy cents. /… Read full post »
Some years ago, I made the mistake of accompanying my wife and two teenage daughters on a shopping trip to Macy’s. I have no idea why they wanted me to come, knowing that the only thing I hate more than shopping is having to watch an episode of “Sex and the… Read full post »
"Sanctity of marriage" is a meaningless phrase concocted by bigots and religious fanatics who are terrified that gay marriage will lead to moral decay, since it says so in the Bible, which it doesn’t. Men, they say, are supposed to marry women. Period. It’s God’s will.&n/…
The expression “thinking outside the box” originated as a corporate phrase, meant to prod dull-witted executives into being more creative. So why can’t corporate executives just say what they used to say to their sycophantic underlings, “Get off your fucking lazy ass and be mo… Read full post »
Megabytephobia: The fear that your user-friendly computer is becoming user-annoying.
Gigabytephobia: the fear that your user-friendly computer is becoming user-argumentative.
OctoBlagojaphobia: The fear that some boring, self-important nitwit will dominate the ne… Read full post »
Tuesday, September 5: This morning I think I finally met Mr. Right. I was cleaning the meat rack when he entered the shop and asked me if we had anything in a knockwurst. I lead him to the sausage section and I could feel his eyes on… Read full post »
As a novelist, I’ve been through the publishing mill more than a few times, and it’s not my favorite mill. Neither is the Hollywood mill, but today’s blog is about publishing. We can get into movies another time.
If you’re an aspiring novelist, some of the followi… Read full post »
Remember me? Joe Stalin? If you recall, I was maybe the most brutal dictator ever. So why are you Americans so obsessed with Hitler? What’s so great about Hitler? I was a lot worse than Hitler, but nobody even mentions my name anymore. What am I, chopped liver?
Ho… Read full post »
Having once been a teenage boy, I know that teenage males have sex on their minds for at least 15 hours and 59.99 minutes out of the average 16 hour day. So, the very notion that some hormonally-overdosed boy will try place his paws on even one sacred inch of my… Read full post »
A slew of new tech stocks will hit the market this year and portfolio managers are eager to get in on the action. As usual, the most attractive stocks are a few IPO’s. Some of the following new dot com stocks are expected to outsell blue chips and drive the markets up:
Right-wingers have militias, so why can’t we? After all, the Second Amendment is for all of us, not just for them. Granted, we Lefties don’t own guns because we tend to shoot ourselves in the feet (at least our elected re… Read full post »
As every American knows, this year marked the 137th anniversary of Calvin Coolidge’s birth. The entire nation celebrated this with fireworks, as we always do, because Coolidge was born on July 4th.
I first became aware of it while trying on some jeans at Macy’s,… Read full post »
Have you ever been troubled by doubts about your dog’s sincerity? No? Most of us blithely take our pet’s love for granted. But if you’re at all like me –- neurotic and paranoid -- you may sometimes suspect tha… Read full post »