My apologies to OS regulars. On advice, I've declined to post this on my local civic affairs blog. But nobody said I couldn't express myself here. It won't be of any general interest on Open Salon, but it's the truth.

People have been criticizing our local government officials – the mayor and city council, the commissioners and county council members – for being poor communicators. I’m here to defend our elected officials. I think they are communicating rather effectively. 

While their messages aren’t ones I necessarily agree with, I have no doubt the politicians are sincere. Theirs are clearly messages they want to get out to the people – their constituents and those who might be considering moving to or doing business in New Albany and Floyd County. 

What are those messages, you ask? How about this list? 

1) If you’re looking to set up a major crime ring, you could hardly do better than to relocate to New Albany. Welcome! Our police force is severely understaffed. And increasingly, our law enforcement officers are underpaid compared to their peers within the state of Indiana. 

Our major crime rates are the highest in the state, per capita. It’s not because we have bad cops. It’s because we have too few cops. The good news for you is that we have no intention of changing that situation. If things are getting too hot for you where you are now, move here.

City living too hectic for you? Floyd County offers an even better environment to grow your criminal enterprise. Don’t believe us? Check out the growing number of thefts from break-ins in the county. Our county residents know that when they leave home, nothing but chance protects their property from you. You may think we’re being facetious, but we’re not. We, believing our constituents would rather live in fear than pay the taxes necessary to protect them, won't be doing anything to change that so long as we're in office. 

2) Have you always wanted to be a landlord, to earn a healthy income without anyone telling you what to do with your property? New Albany is the place for you. You might be a responsible landlord who is committed to maintaining a habitable dwelling, but if so, you’re a sucker.

In New Albany, we don’t care. Do what you want? Sure, we might hassle you a little bit, but don’t worry, we won’t actually enforce our own codes. Ask anyone. When was the last time the city successfully prosecuted even a historic district guideline violation, much less a building code violation on a rental property? And if you happen to “know” the “right people,” you’ll be able to act with impunity.

If you’re lucky, you’ll drive down the value of neighboring properties and be able to snatch them up at a bargain price. And if you’re really lucky, we’ll sit idly by while lunatics try to remove ALL taxation on the wealth you are accumulating. 

3) Have you always wanted to live in a Mad Max/Road Warrior world? A place where you can drive at any speed you like, ignore traffic signals, and never have to worry about those pesky laws prohibiting dumping, littering, and creating a public nuisance? This is the place. 

4) Jobs, especially 21^st-century jobs that are sustainable and pay a living wage, aren’t something we’re willing to invest in. If you can afford to pay for your own libraries, schools, and safety, come on in – the water’s fine. But if you want to live in a progressive, growing community that provides opportunity for every demographic sector, better look elsewhere. We’re quite content with things the way they are. 

From my perspective, the officials sending these messages are very courageous. It takes a very special type of person to stand before the voters and promise to eliminate effective government and to reduce taxes to a level sufficient only to maintain the façade of public service.

Local government has become a jobs program, not a government designed to serve the present and future needs of the people. These officials are not afraid to say “we’ll keep taxes only as high as necessary to provide jobs for a select few of ‘our kind of people.’” 

So, please get off the backs of these brave men and women. Most of these communicators make no more than $1,000 a month to represent you. And I know they believe they are doing exactly as you wish. Let them know how pleased you are at the messages they are sending. 

Randy Smith
New Albany