I promised myself when I started publicly "blogging" that I wouldn't slip into the stereotypical caricature of the constant angry ranter, and, well, I'm not that angry... but I will rant for a moment.
So, when did people stop thinking? I mean, seriously. It seems that a large hunk of the population has devolved into some kind of mildly advanced form of amoeba that just goes around tasting and feeling and reacting to things without putting a single neuron to work in figuring anything out. Granted, I'm an over-thinker. I'm not actually hoping that more people start thinking like me -- we'd never get a decision made. Heck, we'd probably still be contemplating whether it would be prudent to put warnings on cigarettes. My way is not practical in the least. But, I digress.
As an educator of adults, I spend at least one day a week engaging in what we like to call "enrichment activities." They are enriching, in that the activities have little to do with the daily lessons at hand, and are mostly a philosophy exercise that at best, opens someone's mind to a new perspective, and at worst, reminds them that the lessons they were working on don't suck that much in comparison, so they're eager to get back to work when it's over. A win-win, really.
During these activities, I get to plant a seed for thought, and then sit back and watch it grow, and sometimes... well... turn into a massive choking vine that needs to be hacked down by sharp machetes. Here’s the jungle mess that developed this week: I brought up the concept of pet peeves, defined them, gave examples, and then asked the room what some of their own pet peeves were:
- I hate it when people cut me off in traffic. I want to hit them with my car.
- I don’t like having to put my own cream in my coffee at those fancy coffeehouses.
- It annoys me when kids are always asking “why, why, why” to everything.
- It bothers me when I get a foreign person if I call for customer service.
- My mom calls me too early in the morning.
And so on, the room started to rumble with complaint after complaint, people just kvetching about various things that irritate them to violent urges. Whoops, I should have seen that coming, but, it was too late. I did what I could to stop the insanity, then, as a thought-provoking exercise, I referred to the list I made of the things I could hear them say over the din and asked:
“Has anyone ever been driving, and a crew is working on the road, and suddenly you need to get over in the other lane on short notice and nobody will let you, so you take what looks like your only chance at an opening before slamming into the construction equipment?”
To my great pleasure, the same guy who said he hates when people cut him off, admitted that he has had this experience. I figured I had him right where I wanted him. I then reminded him that some of the other drivers might have thought that he was cutting them off.
“That’s different,” he said.
“How?” I encouraged, delighted at the looming breakthrough.
“When I do it, it’s okay, because I have a good excuse.”
“Okay, good, so, do you think that when other people try to get in front of you, they might think they have a good excuse?”
“No, because they’re jerks, and I’m not.”
“I see.”
He continued to stare at me blankly. And what’s worse is, the whole group continued to stare at me blankly. Not a single spark of realization in any of them. I moved on to process some of the other pet peeves, and got similar reactions. Then they were all irritated, because they decided that I was trying to make them feel guilty about having opinions. When I tried to calmly defend the virtue of simply examining something from different angles, they couldn’t see how that would ever be useful.
And, these are adults! Oy vey.
Too many people seem to have stopped thinking outside their immediate experience as a habit. Is this some kind of defense mechanism? Is it as I feared, and actually some kind of evolutionary regression to a simpler mind frame? Have people gotten so wrapped up in the me, me, me of it all that they figure that when they ask for coffee with cream and have to walk 4 steps to the condiment bar and pour and stir their own cream that it’s because the coffee shop people are lazy, rather than maybe people take their java all different ways and it seemed better business to allow for customization than to force someone else to guess at how much cream is enough? Does anyone else think that a kid asking “why” is adorable and a great learning opportunity for the child instead of an irritating thing they do just to push your buttons? Am I too laid back for my own good? Has anyone else noticed that people seem to be so caught up in their "now" that everything else falls into a black hole?
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The more interesting question, of course, is why. I'm sure there are many reasons, but let me suggest two candidates, both of which I would trace back to the same underlying source.
The first is our public education system. In a chronically underfunded, teach-to-the-test oriented school system, there is little or no room to teach critical thinking skills and encourage intellectual curiosity and imagination (a key ingredient for empathy and insight). Too many people with a high school diploma or even a college degree have experienced school only as a set of memorized trivia questions and a series of recipes and formulas for getting the right answer. This may prepare them more or less adequately to work at a routine job following a rote set of instructions, but it hardly teaches them intellectual curiosity or introspection.
Second, in a crowded urban environment where we are constantly interacting with total strangers, it is easy to get into the habit of failing to see other people as multi-dimensional human beings with problems and concerns of their own. Humans evolved in small extended family and tribal hunter-gatherer communities in which everyone knew everyone else, and was probably related to them as well. Within your family, or a small group you know well and care about, you are more likely to excuse or at least understand the reasons for an isolated instance of bad behavior, because you know the person's life story and their normal personality. But in an urban environment, it's just not possible to get to know the foibles and pressures behind the behavioral faults we observe around us. When a friend cuts in front of us at the supermarket checkout, we know they're a good person at heart, but their child is sick and they really need to get home. When a stranger does the same thing, we just think they're a jerk.
In the modern urban or even small town environment, good social skills, imagination and empathy, self-awareness, and dispute resolution skills are critically important. Yet (as noted above) our education system leaves no room for fostering these qualities and teaching these skills.
Now for the common source. Frankly, I think it is in the interest of those who hold wealth and power both to keep ordinary people alienated from one another, and to discourage critical thinking. What if we were all equipped with the skills to empathize with the poor and homeless instead of dismissing them as lazy or immoral? What if we all really understood the hypocrisy and self-interestedness of "conservative" politicians who use "culture war" issues to persuade voters to support economic policies that are against their own long-term interests? Wouldn't that increase the chances that working people would figure out that things need to change in this society?
Keep up the good work. I know you're getting blank faces now, but if you keep at it, you might be able to get through. And you will be doing a Good Thing if you can. I have one suggestion: Maybe you could have them read Mary Kelly's OS piece from today about how she changed her mind about women's right to choose. It's a brilliant example of exactly the kind of opening up of the mind that you're trying to foster. Good luck!
However, it doesn't sound as if your peevers were introspective enough to make this defense. Always be able to defend your peeves!
By the way, a kid asking "Why, why, why," IS trying to push your buttons. It's adorable, I guess, if you think kids trying to push their parents' buttons are adorable, which is one way of looking at it. Children in a mood to learn don't do the thing of throwing out "Why?" automatically to every response without even listening. I'm guessing you have never either been a child or had children?
I suspect that many people have developed "comfort zones", the reality of which are that these are nothing more than prisons where they refuse to step outside and contemplate the world around them. It takes effort to leave a familiar place. Most people seem to lack the effort.
Happily rated.
"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." John F. Kennedy
Ooh, my head hurts!
Closure: I agree. Narrow-mindedness is especially tragic when it's unshakeable. I know that a lot of people initally react in self-centered ways, but, I really hoped that when asked to reflect on the potential impact of that and given the opportunity to take a moment to consider other perspectives, that it would at least be POSSIBLE to see another viewpoint. It's a shame that it's so hard to try on someone else's shoes.
Organian: You're definitely on to something. Education seems to focus too much on memorizing and shortcuts and just getting to the right answer without considering how you arrive there. It's heartbreaking. As far as the part about building walls of social separation in urban environments, that's an interesting point to ponder. I have seen this in action, and because I don't usually go there, it's sometimes a little shocking to me. (Admittedly, I'm probably too naive for my own good for living in a city the size of mine.) It is safer to distance yourself from strangers, I suppose, but I really think it robs you of the spice of life. I also worry that it makes us one click away from those nutcases that can completely dehumanize people outside themselves and turn into monsters. Not to mention, if you don't pay attention to the people around you, are you any safer? I would guess that someone who is experienced in empathy has a much better chance at sensing a dangerous situation than someone who never pays attention to others. I did read Mary Kelly's post about being an ex-pro-lifer, and I was moved by her ability to change her ways after so deeply espousing them for so long, I think it's a great idea to share it with this group I'm teaching. I hope to be a catalyst for that kind of growth some day. Thanks for the well-wishes, I will keep on keepin' on, for sure!
Allie: Haha... I probably was a child once, and know for sure I did that "why" thing (I still do), but I remember that when adults reacted in prickly ways I felt so unwelcome. I got the dismissive "of course I'm listening," too many times from my grown-ups. I feel that the why, why, why, if answered with solid answers (and even when after a few rounds it ends in 'because I said so') can be a useful discussion for both. We could all benefit from a moment of reflecting on the causes and effects that dictate the way things are, and exercising our logic muscles. I hear you about the coffee, though, and if you're paying 5 bucks -- chances are all the ingredients should be included and you better not need to doctor it any more. I also agree that tipping for coffee is lame, unless I order something especially complicated and they happen to not give me 'that look.'
RL: Thank you, and I think you're on to something as well... thinking about your immediate field of vision is comfortable & easy to control, but my worry (not that I can confirm it was happening to my students at the time) is that those people turn into the worst kinds of 'victims' when things go wrong. Those seem to be the ones that think they did everything they could have done in their power and bad stuff still happened, so the world is a horrible place. I shudder to potentially let that go unchecked. I think the world is mostly wonderful, even in times of ugliness.
WG: It's chilling to consider how just absorbing the information fed to us without properly processing it can be harmful. Very much like junk food, I suppose: "It's delicious! eat it!" What is it? "It's delicious!" How many calories are in this? "It doesn't matter, just try it, you'll love it!"... sheesh, removing independent thought can be so very dangerous. I suppose that's exactly the lesson I need to impart to my class. Thanks!
I deeply appreciate everyone, for reading and commenting. It's so nice to feel like I'm not completely off my rocker by thinking this was something worth throwing out there to the OS crowd for feedback. Thanks for making me feel welcome here, and not shooing me away when I asked 'why.'
Anywhoo - rated and favorited and so glad to know you!