Is evolution going backward? Are we okay with this? It seems like finding out new and fascinating information about how our caveman brains worked is being used to give people license to go ahead and behave like Neanderthals. Proudly.

Scientists discovering, hypothesizing, testing, and confirming the existence of something doesn’t make it socially relevant or in any way noble. This is especially true for vestigial traits that we’ve evolved away from.

Does noting that a bird which doesn’t fly (like a penguin, for example) still has wings mean that it’s not living up to its evolutionary potential, and should be ashamed of evolving out of this trait and do everything in its power to rediscover its ability and God-given right to fly among the clouds? No. Penguins use their ‘wings’ to swim. Because that’s what penguins like to do. They’re good at swimming, that’s where the food is, that’s where all the big penguin parties happen, and that’s just where it’s at for penguins.

Likewise, when a man’s modern brain is found to share some of the common chemicals and wrinkly squishy structures that caveman brains had, does that mean that he should drop the iPod and pick up a stick and a rock for music?

Evolution has made us behave quite differently today than we did in the stone age. We, like the noble penguins, do different stuff with our same old biology, not always according to its original purpose or design. So, yeah, things exist... scientists can say that ancient man probably used this hormone or organ for that activity; but that doesn’t mean that the ancient activity is at all relevant or useful in modern society. It just exists now. It also existed then. Everything else is speculation.

For instance, studies have shown that the longer a couple is paired up, the lower their libido hormones dip; thus prompting them to get out and find a new partner to revive libido and live the wild and fertile life they had before...

‘Scuse me? I beg to majorly differ. I will walk with you on the first part, fact is fact, I’m sure they very carefully measured those brain chemicals in very official-looking beakers and stuff, but the inference made in the second part of that assertion is a little biased toward explaining away cheating with biology, isn’t it?

Libido hormones could very well dip after a while to encourage monogamy. It’s possible that the great and powerful creator programmed that dip in there because by then you should be more focused on raising your kids together, and have less time for carnal pleasures (or less time for making many more babies, at least). Maybe it’s because you have to get stuff around the nest done, take out the trash, clean out the basement, spackle stuff – and constant distractions by sexual urges can sink project battleships.  Maybe the dip is a move toward stronger pair-bonds, not weaker. Let’s compare modern society with ancient tribes and see if there are any differences:

Ancient paradise: A caveman has as many cavebabies as possible with as many different cavewomen as possible, to see which combo of genes is going to live longer and prosper better; some will be great hunters, others great thinkers, and the man will have participated in populating the entire village with his dashing looks, valiant honor and good family name.
Modern reality: Those kids are going to need to go to college. And, if you ‘stick and move,’ chances are that now-single mom is going to have a harder time finding another daddy for those babies... so... enjoy your life of constant financial ruin and endless voicemails and texts bitching you out. Besides, you will probably be labeled a creep and sex offender because women have opinions that get heard now. You might lose your good job, and have to work 3 shifts at 3 different burger joints just to make ends not meet. Fun, no? But good for you that you managed to get a good hunter, a good thinker, and a good musician out of the deal... maybe if they ever don’t hate you for abandoning them, they will some day choose to associate with your sullied name.

Ancient paradise: Cavewoman has lots of chores to keep her busy, so thank goodness that there are other women in the tribe that share the same man since they can help prepare the cave just the way he likes it. Big happy family that shares and divides duties, so nobody gets over-tired and all are content. Huzzah!
Modern reality: Woman still has lots of chores, but thanks to the man's preference for online dating websites and advanced transportation, the other women in the would-be ‘tribe’ live well outside visiting distance, and even if evolution didn’t allow her to now flame with unfettered jealousy and want to rip out the other ladies' hair, it wouldn’t really be feasible for her to go help the other ex-Mrs. Flintstones get dinner ready, fold the clothes, weed the garden, and balance the checkbooks would it?

Ancient paradise: Every day is a battle for survival; most people don’t live to be much more than 25. Live like there’s no tomorrow, make sure to have plenty of backup plans for when your wife gets squished by a Mammoth – make strong connections to the cute blond girl that just turned fertile before that charming bastard Grog puts the moves on her. Hoard the women! Make them all yours!
Modern reality: Beyond the fact that kiddie porn is icky and illegal, it’s still not a great idea to be making goo-goo eyes with ‘the future ex-Mrs. Flintstone’ while the current Wilma is in the kitchen cutting your sandwich into nice little triangles. We live longer; there are not as many instant-death scenarios playing out every day, because we’ve managed to evolve medicine and safety measures. That’s a good thing!! On top of that, who wants to have multiple ‘modern’ women all nagging and complaining and demanding things? The evolution of feminism and civil rights should make most guys figure, ‘Jeez, one of these is enough!’

Just because cavemen lived in tribes and could sex up 9 women at a time, having kids with all of them (some of them probably his own daughters or nieces or who the heck can keep track, they all have the same hairdo!), share the responsibilities and duties with all the adults, and provide a peaceful and stable communal unit... doesn’t mean that’s at ALL feasible these zillion years later.

So, unless you’re living the caveman lifestyle in a commune somewhere, or unless you’re one of the sole survivors of an apocalypse, I’m thinking that applying ‘evolutionary psychology’ to your life isn’t going to be all that practical.

Not to say there is no use for EP. There totally is. It’s fascinating and informative and explains lots of things to know from where we came and how we’ve changed. But, remember that we HAVE changed. Right? Explaining the origin of some urge and allowing carte blanche to give in to the urge because it’s ‘in your blood’ should be very different things.

Please use evolution responsibly.