Spaghetti alla Puttanesca, which literally translates to "whore's spaghetti," is a tasty, tangy, salty dish that can rescue you on one of those nights when it seems like there's nothing to make for dinner. I love olives, so, this is pretty much my new favorite thing -- I can't believe it took me 35 years to try it!!

The Myth

According to Wikipedia (the source for all of Earth's truths) the story goes: in the fabulous 1950's, a restaurant owner had a few friends drop in right before closing time. He said he didn't have enough ingredients to make them a proper meal; and since it was late and they were hungry (and likely completely blotto) they replied, "facci una puttanata qualsiasi," or "just make any kind of garbage." (Puttanata = something worthless, puttana = whore.) And so, with just a couple tomatoes, some condiments/garnishes, and of course garlic and olive oil, spaghetti alla puttanesca was born.

Another version of the story reminds us that in the 1950's, brothels were state-run (in Italy), and while housewives had all week to shop for fresh ingredients, these "working women" only had one day a week to shop, so their signature pasta sauce was a compilation of mostly pantry items.

Whichever is the truth -- this is delicious... and there's something awesome about knowing that your spaghetti sauce is this naughty-sexy.

The Method

First, survey your ingredients on hand: you'll need a tomato or two, or a handful of cherry tomatoes, halved. Or, a can of diced tomatoes from the pantry, or a little tomato paste. (My favorite of those options is the halved cherry tomatoes.) You'll also need 1/2 an onion to cut the vinegary tang of everything with a little sweetness. Make sure you have a couple cloves of garlic, minced garlic from a jar, or some garlic powder.  The rest is kind of variable: Olives are key, without those, you're not really making puttanesca (even though what you end up with will still be lovely.) So, grab some olives, green, black, purple, stuffed, whatever.  If you have any other pickle-y pantry items like pepperoncini, giardiniera, jalapenos, get those,  too. They recommend capers, but not everyone has those. Also, anchovies or anchovy paste. Also, any fresh herbs about to die in your crisper.

And, if you must, prepare a protein of your choice: shrimp, tofu, chicken, beef, pork -- leftover is better (truer to the tradition), but if you're starting from fresh, cook this first before starting everything else, and put off to the side.

Next, if you are an actual whore, clear your appointments for about 30 minutes. Also, wash your hands. In fact, wash them anyway, since you never know. Also, remember to make enough for your pimp.

Then, start water to boil.  

Now, chop up your sauce ingredients: if your olives have pits, cut them out. Chop larger olives into pieces about pea-size. Dice the onion, mince the garlic. Cut up tomatoes (and put aside in a separate container). When all is said and done, you're going to want about 2-3 cups or a biggish cereal-bowl full of little bits and pieces, not counting the tomatoes.

Drop spaghetti in boiling water. Cook for 11 minutes, or as long as the package says.

Meanwhile, start the sauce in a shallow pan, like a big frying pan:

Cover the bottom of the pan in oil, around 4Tbsp should do. Over medium-high heat, when the oil starts to get "fast" (moves more like water in the pan than like thick oil), add your bits and pieces to sizzle. If you happen to have an anchovy, or a tube of anchovy paste, add a little of that, now. Black pepper, too, unless you have hot chili peppers in your choppy bits. Don't add salt. There is plenty of salt in those olives.

If you're drinking wine (as you should be), give a splash to your whores, there. Turn down the heat. Add tomatoes and toss.

Simmer, simmer, wait for pasta noodles to finish. You might take this time to freshen your eyeliner or do some kegels.

Drain spaghetti, combine with sauce in pan.

Grate fresh parmesan/romano on top.

Add a festive flourish of fresh chopped parsley, if you have that.

Serve with wine and bread, and the money's on the dresser, babe.

The Money Shot

The Afterglow

This would also make an awesome pizza, sandwich, bruschetta, or dip. Olives, tomatoes, garlic -- the possibilities are endless. Traditionally, the people who insist on protein go for a white fish, cooked gently over the simmering sauce. I tossed mine with pan-fried x-firm tofu cubes for a hearty meatless dinner. Chickpeas would do well, there, too.

Gosh, just thinking about it again makes me want to go put on some lingerie and get to work.