My wife and have been married twenty-four years.

That's kind of a long time, you know? When I really pondered this the other day, I realized the last time I kissed any female other than her or another family member, East German soldiers were still shooting at people trying to escape over… Read full post »

Just curious—do you have a mantra? A credo? Perhaps some sort of slogan, tenet or delusional proscription to a paranoid manifesto?

You don't? Well this is awkward.

Ben Franklin had a million of them. Here's a little sampling:

"Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
"A… Read full post »

Lo and begorrah. I haven't posted to this consarn log in nary a fortnight!

Sorry, sometimes I enjoy talking like Pa Ingalls—the real one, not the dashing yet sappy actor who left us far too soon.

It's been ten days. Jeez.

Don’t think it hasn't been bothering me, though. For the past… Read full post »

At last, a legacy congeals into actual brick and mortar.

Dang, it's about time; the world has teetered on pins and needles long enough.

Located upon a twenty-five acre spread on the campus of Dallas' Southern Methodist University, the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum is slated to… Read full post »

I walked toward the front door Thursday morning, bearing the fresh burden of the twenty-six ton man bag I'd just hurled across my shoulder. "See you tonight," I said.

"You bet you will." She stood in her bedroom doorway, looking every bit her just-woke-up teenagerness—pajama pants, one… Read full post »

How does that time-worn old bromide go? Something like, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

True that.

As much as we try to segment and sort or lives, as resolved as we are to organize and prioritize the scripts, every once in a while, something… Read full post »

Over the past fifty years, pretty much since I popped the tag on my first Hostess pastry, I've been clutching a cold steel bar as it digs into my upper thigh meat. And once the carny released the lever, that thing's been locked on with no hope of escaping.

I've been an… Read full post »

If someone had slammed the twelve-year-old me against a locker, balled my pointy collar into his fist  and demanded  "Hey, man ('Dude' wasn't really around yet. We said it sometimes but never when addressing someone like 'Dude, I know, right?'), name a few things that are fun… Read full post »

"I’m gonna pop some tags, 
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket, 
I’m, I’m, I’m hunting, 
Looking for a come up, 
This is f#@*ing awesome."

That's the hook from the number one song in the land this week, as sung(?) by Seattle's own Macklemore.

Why/… Read full post »

How can they do this?

How the hell can these folks eliminate one of the few activities in which every human being and many in our animal kingdom joyfully partake?

I'm not kidding here; if somehow I were able to list each person I either currently know or… Read full post »

5:30 AM.

I awakened feeling slightly indignant about the premature jolt into consciousness, yet somewhere deep within my aging sack of meat, grateful for another day spent above earth's mossy peat pile.

And while a lot of us roll out of the sack with our senses muted and… Read full post »

Finally, it's almost time. Good God, are you ready for this thing to be over?

I know I am, but it's my own fault. I mainline so much of this political stuff, I'm having trouble finding a vein these days.

Ever since Chief Justice John Roberts' stammering oath billowed wisps… Read full post »

It was a beatdown, an ass whoopin', a curb stompin'. Sweet mother, those guys were dragged behind the woodshed and force fed a couple heapin' shitloads of chucknorris.

Oh, yeah, and really boring.

Aside from a few randy fetishists who occupy the outlying regions of/… Read full post »

It's been a while, now.

As of this juncture, I've been hurling my half-century-old carcass through the blogosphere for three years plus some change.

And throughout four hundred and fifty three posts, I've offered unsolicited insights into my worldview, submitting these thoughts while clenched in a… Read full post »

Twenty years ago, Nike aired a television spot featuring Charles Barkley. As the camera framed his round face in an extreme black and white close-up, Barkley proclaimed, "I am not a role model...just because I dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids."

True enough.

But if… Read full post »

Binders full of women?

To make a Gilligan's Island analogy, last night's debate reminded me of an argument between the professor and an exotic hybrid combining Gilligan and Thurston Howell III.

Good God, where do we begin?

According to the talking heads, President Obama needed to climb through the… Read full post »

Seriously, this couldn't have come at a better time.

After basking in eighty-one straight shimmering days of Pacific Northwest sunshine, I awakened at five-thirty this morning nearly as grumpy and sore as Jerry Sandusky after an evening horsing around with the prison tickle monster. Things were dam… Read full post »