reinvented's Blog

The good and the wise lead quiet lives -- Euripedes


Littleton, Colorado, USA
July 28
I'm a parent of three, one a now-deceased Columbine victim (Daniel), a perfectly lovely 23 year old woman who works in youth services and recently graduated from college, and a gifted and adopted Chinese daughter, age 9. I was an English major, with an abiding interest in literature and writing. I think I'm retired from the world of work. Mostly, I have been a parent (I was never good at multi-tasking anyway). I have a feisty and loving husband, who was a strong advocate of gun control and was instrumental in getting Amendment 22 passed here in Colorado. Even though gun control became passe particularly in the Bush years, it still has a lot of resonance for me (although we Americans seem to adore our weaponry). I'll be blogging some on issues of grief and healing, since these have become areas of particular interest to me since the murder of my son.

Reinvented's Links

As I watched news coverage of the Tucson shootings and saw pictures of that delightful child Christina Green, I felt deep dismay, a sense of deja vu, and even a touch of post-traumatic stress syndrome.    Sadly, these shootings seem much more real since losing my son in the 1999 Columb… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 3, 2010 6:46PM

A Plebian's Guide to Grief

I'll be the first to admit it.  It's been harder for me to laugh since my son died at Columbine.  But not impossible.  Even given that I was already saddled with a depressive's emotional set-point a couple of notches below Eeyore the Donkey's.

Grief after the death of a child can… Read full post »

D&C 001_crop 

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been

Lives in a dream

Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door

Who is it for? -- Paul McCartney & John Lennon


Lately I have mostly butted… Read full post »

The longer I live, the more mysterious and luminous friendship seems to me.  Since losing my best friend of 30 years to ongoing health issues a couple of years ago, I have struggled to fill the void she left.  On paper, my now-deceased friend and I were an unlikely pairing.  My… Read full post »

Some of you may have noticed my absence over the past month or so.  Annette2009 was kind enough to wonder where I'd been.  In case anyone was interested, I have variously been (no, not writing a novel).

1.  A little depressed

2.  On a short vacation to the mountains.

3. … Read full post »

It's an unfortunate side effect of grief that the bereaved need to tell their stories.  Often.  Even ad infinitum.  I know; it can be tedious, especially to the uninitiated.  So, if you're looking for a quick and easy posting about the latest cultural icon, a bit of whimsy, cuttin… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 20, 2009 7:04PM

Thoughts on a Chinese Homeland

Last week I performed a DNA test on my Chinese daughter.  It's a simple enough procedure, involving swabbing the inside of the cheek, placing the swabs in a sealed package and fed exing them to a laboratory where they are compared with those of the purported relative.  Earlier in the month,… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 11, 2009 1:20PM

To the Religious Lady in the Piano Studio Waiting Room

To the Religious Lady in the Piano Studio Waiting Room:

I would appreciate it if you would notice that we are enclosed together in a very small space, probably 10' x 10' or less.  Therefore, this may not be the best of all places to carry on a loud conversation on… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 7, 2009 7:47PM

My Friend Had OCD

This is a story of, if not betrayal, then at least failure to be there for someone until the bitter end.  I don't offer it as a story of which I'm proud.  Mostly, it's about my friend and OCD, and about being ground down.  Not everyone is always "strong in the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 29, 2009 2:52PM

Late Life Parenting (and Living with Ocean Star)

Living with Ocean Star 

I never thought I'd be an older parent.  Adopted by an older couple myself as an infant, I was uniquely aware of the challenges faced by having to bridge not one, but two generations.   Mom and Dad, though caring people, were (and I say this with all kindness) a bit… Read full post »

I will just be glad when April 20th is over.  Hopefully the brouhaha will mostly subside as soon as the 10th anniversary of the Columbine shootings passes.  In prior years I have both attended and not attended some of the various memorials.  I did not attend the 5th year remembrance at… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 14, 2009 12:59PM

When Virginia Tech Comes to Columbine Tom Will Be There

Yesterday morning I awoke with a start to a rant.  My husband's ranting again, but at whom?  I threw on my robe and went downstairs only to hear my husband slam down the phone.  "What was THAT all about?"  I asked.  Turns out that he'd just gotten off the phone with… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 10, 2009 5:10PM

My Latest Yammer About Columbine

No, I'm not obsessed, although certainly still haunted.  But  I had to share my thoughts about Dave Cullen's "Columbine."  I didn't think I'd be able to, but I finished the book this a.m.  It has a high level of readability and quickly paced narrative style.  In short, it's a… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 7, 2009 7:22PM

Who Was Daniel Mauser? A Memoir by a Columbine Parent

Daniel in blue 

The above is a picture of our boy Daniel at four.  Never thought he'd grow up to be a murder victim at 15.  Still less that he'd be murdered in what I always considered sanctuary:  the high school library (at Columbine). 

All things considered, we're still better of… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 6, 2009 6:26PM

Reaction to Dave Cullen's "Columbine" by a Victim's Parent

I was in the bookstore today here in Littleton, Colorado, looking for Dave Cullen's new book on Columbine.  I should mention I am the parent of fifteen year old Daniel Mauser, one of the deceased victims.  To say that I had looked forward to the release of this book is not… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 3, 2009 7:17PM

The Demise of My Daughter's Mazda: A Tale of Resilience

We bid farewell to my eldest daughter's Mazda Protege not long ago.  She totaled it.  Faithful throughout high school, college and a bit beyond, it endured for many miles, as Japanese cars tend to do.  The collision was unfortunately my daughter's fault.  Overly tired in heavy tra… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 28, 2009 5:58PM

10 Years after Columbine; if I were writing a book

If I were writing a book about Columbine, these would be the chapters and brief descriptions thereof

I.  Utterly gut-wrenching pain and the immediate aftermath.   You wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy.  Your soul has been seared.   Permanently.  I am not the same… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 28, 2009 12:53PM

Still Waiting for a Kinder, Gentler World

Hi.  I've decided to begin blogging to see if it can help me with my residual grief.  Almost 10 years ago I lost my only son at Columbine High School in the infamous school shooting.  Since then, it would not be an exaggeration to say that I've been on some sort… Read full post »