Annie Hall. Annie Hall--these are  my two favorite words in cinema. My second favorite two are Pulp Fiction, but that's for another time. This is not a list.

I have been in love with Annie Hall since I saw it on the big screen at Houston's (and the world's) first sixplex AMC's Town and Country VI in 1977 . I was 16 and Annie Hall won the Oscar for Best Picture. It was here I fell so in love with films I went on to work there for many years--but none were Annie Hall.For me, Annie is a Valentine to New York, to Diane Keaton (symbolizing love of course), and to wit. It is everything I love about Woody Allen. Along with Breakfast at Tiffany's it made me want to live in Manhattan. It made me fall  in love with the city. Annie Hall is the Top. It is Perfection. It is glamour and humor and brilliantly funny people saying brilliantly funny (and profound) things. I go visit this world at least 2-3 times a year. It has helped me survive breakups and sad times. It has given me added laughter in happy times. Alvy is there--dependable and twitchy just the way I love him. And there is Annie herself, who I would like to grow up and be (still!). 

Everything you need to know about life is there. I have memorized and quoted this film so much for so long that until I watch it I forget which came first--me or this film. Certainly my children have grown  up with the Woody as Alvy Singer philosophy.  When in times of doubt, it is Woody's Annie Hall that I turn to.

For instance:

Our parents were wrong. Everything they said was good for us is bad--milk, sunlight, red meat. (All true.)

Talented remarkable intelligent women do not have to know how to parallel park("I can walk to the curb from here.") or keep said cars clean ("You keep it real nice. Is this a sandwich?")

Life is made up of the miserable and the horrible.  The horrible are those missing limbs, in comas, with fatal disease,  paraplegics. The miserable is everyone else. Thank God you are miserable.

On a date you should kiss early and get it out of the way so you can concentrate on the date and won't be nervous at the end.

Restaurants with ketchup bottles on the table are often the best.

Don't judge a person if they eat pastrami on white with mayo.

Living under a roller coaster makes you jittery.

If you really think about it, how can things like homework matter when the earth is expanding and we're all going to die?

Sometime you can look at school children and see what they will become (recovered heroin addicts who are now methadone addicts; into leather).

Sitting in the park and making up little life stories & poking fun at the passersby is good and appropriate date fun.

Sometimes it does take an ex-lover to kill a spider.

Sometimes you do have to buy someone a book about death instead of the silly cat book they want to read.

Turning right on a red light as a cultural advantage  is not a good enough reason to live in California.

Watching a nazi film can make you grateful & keep the world in check.

Watching a Marx Brothers (or a Woody Allen) film can make you glad to be alive-- and can save your life.

Funny is more important that handsome.

Wash your face in black soap.

Don't use the Kennedy assassination or any other conspiracy theory as a way to avoid sex. 

If your date thinks Bob Dylan transcendent and you don't, you should probably move on.

Don't draw when having sex.

If you go to a therapist for years and years and never cry, it is probably time to move on.

Never, under any circumstances, take a college literature class where you have to read Beowulf. 

A red light bulb is not a marital aid. 

Most people who are in happy relationships do walk around with no original thoughts and no ideas at all. 

Don't drive in a car on a long stretch of highway with Christopher Walken if he's at the wheel.

Never, never loudly discuss your opinion in a movie line. Others will hear you and despite how brilliant you think you are, it will make them want to slit their own wrists.

It would however be a perfect world if you could pull out of thin air at will the very person who could professionally validate your opinions--which are of course right. 

However, sometimes you do wonder what would happen if you did swerve the car into the headlights.

When you imagine people are talking about your race (or ethnicity or weight or look or anything else) they probably are ("Jew eat? Jew? Jew eat?Jew?")

You can only do something really wild and goofy (cooking lobsters and hunting them down with brooms) once and with one person. It falls flat after that--you can't recreate a memory. 

You were so beautiful when you were young.

Pollution will kill us and we probably should be in protective suits.

Making a dashing trip across the country to portray your love with probably not get the girl back. 

In sad ending relationships there are still lots of good bits to keep. 

When in doubt, say "la de dah la de dah."

Classic songs go with everything. 

I probably would not want to belong to a club that would have me for a member. 

When all else fails, make art from your pain.

And lastly--like the poor food on a cruise in small portions, life is not that exciting and it is just too damn short.