Today is August 24th, and right on schedule, about this time every year, I get crazy. 

Some of it has to do with it being a very hectic, frenetic period due to my work as a university administrator and all the things .  That in itself would make me more than a bit stressed out.  But more than that, it seems that this time of year is  the time when I start getting antsy about things, make lifestyle changes, and generally get all riled up.  (Last year at this time was a doozy, with a major confrontation with a former friend -- although, to be fair, that had been brewing for awhile.)   So I think it has to do with my birthday, which is in early September.

For as long as I can remember, my birthday has not meant to me what most people think about when they think about their birthdays.  I am not thinking about parties or gifts or worrying about getting old, or things like that.  In fact, just the opposite.  I worry that I am not getting old.   No, not in the sense of Benjamin Button, but in the sense of my interests and tastes and outlook on life seems to be about the same as it was when I was in my 20s.  

As all my friends and family members have gotten older, it seems to me that they have lost interest or changed their interest in having fun, learning, exploring, meeting new people, experiencing new things, etc.  Now, most of my friends are interested in their comfort, staying at home and watching TV, and not risking anything to try something new.   So, of course, they view me as the crazy maverick, the old guy who just won't grow up.  Peter Pan even (my cousin once called me that because his kids had more in common with me than he did).

It's the same at other times of the year at family events.  All the people my age are sitting around talking about their mortgages or aches and pains, and I am outside playing soccer or flying kites with the kids.  It's not because I can't or don't have responsibilities and such, I do.  It's just that my preference is to focus on things that make my life meaningful and enjoyable.

So every year, around this time, near my birthday, I start getting antsy and tend to try to escape from my family and friends.  Last year, it was Australia; this year, it's Ireland; in years past, it was other trips or weekend getaways to the nearby mountains with a couple of friends. 

I don't dread getting old.  I know it's natural.  I know how it works.  I know that it means most people are going to regard me as "old"  and perhaps question some of my motives.  I'm not a pedophile, and I don't have any interest in dating teenagers.  But I do want to go to concerts,  the RenFestival, travel, dive on reefs, listen to new music, and be active.  And unfortunately for me, most of my peers don't.  And that's fine for them, but not for me.

 So if I seem a bit crazy lately, don't worry.  It's to be expected this time of year.  And how old am I this year?  Arrrgh, don't ask.  Uh, I mean, ha-ha-ha, age is so irrelevant, isn't it.  You're only as old as you feel.  Sigh.  Fifty.