What's different about now?

Love no longer hurts.

As I was growing up and began my travels through adulthood, I carried a distorted concept of love as something which was supposed to burn. Desire, mindless devotion... and need.

Maybe it was biology, part of what is necessary to ensure mating and the continuation of life. But my variant of love was sadder than that, less whole somehow.

Over the years, without awareness or malice, I entered many love relationships with an implicit, unspoken bargain in mind: I will love you, I will give you everything I have;  in return, please validate my existence. Yep, when it hurt, it was the real thing!

So I gave and gave love, and pulled and pulled for my healing.

I ruined lots of great relationships that way.

No longer!