Awoke at four this morning, for some reason. So I read and commented on a few posts, took my bupropion, then went back to sleep until 8:30. Pondered what I wanted to write about, and wrestled with the reality that there are some things I'd better do outside the cave if I want to keep my income trickle flowing.

During my two hour sleep interruption, I read whining about people ignoring their comments on other people's posts. I read whining about people not rating their posts. I read whining about how OS is just too much for them. Wah. I don't get it.

Neediness is not an attractive quality. Solving that riddle was a major breakthrough for me a while back. It's one of the things I needed to know that I learned from strippers. Pulling on people to get what you want from them drives them away. Getting yourself bent because someone isn't giving you what you deserve makes no sense. It was a hard lesson to internalize.

I plan to stay here on Open Salon through at least the end of June. I'll stay because that is the commitment I made to myself. I am writing to write. I am writing to find my voice. I am reading for balance. I am reading to keep the creative flow circular. When I comment on another's work it will only be to encourage them, short and sweet, a thoughtful tip of the hat to a fellow traveler on the writing road.

I trust the squabling and whining will blow over. But whether it does or does not, I plan to stick around. I've gotten a couple of Editor's Picks, and felt delighted when I realized I had. But I wasn't trying to get them. If I write something that connects then I'll know it. What I feel the most passion about might strike most OS readers as a bore. So what? That doesn't say anything about them and it doesn't say anything about me. The writing's the thing.

I feel rather frustrated this morning, it would seem! I missed my med check appointment yesterday because I had gotten absorbed in writing. I realized at my class last night I had allowed my record-keeping to slip, and that's embarrassing. I had to wrestle with the printer this morning to get it settled and happy. I need to go to the storage unit to find some papers. I'm tired of having to put air in my right front tire every two days. Why don't I just go get it fixed? Good question.

The move and great purge of a few weeks ago were really major transitions. Their power is receding, though. I feel more clear about what I've done and what I'm doing now than I ever dreamed I would. I'm still feeling my way toward balance in my schedule. I've never been a morning person, but writing in the morning absolutely seems to work best. My classes happen in the evenings, only two days a week. That leaves every afternoon and most evenings free for me to take care of other responsibilities. The schedule is roughed in, but I still haven't quite settled yet.

This post is obviously about nothing. Every time I write in this phase it is an exercise. I recognize that exercise is not really a spectator sport. Hopefully the spirit of working out together will keep us motivated. The few who are constantly demanding attention and strokes for how great they are looking will move on to something more to their liking in due time.

I guess this would be a "blog" post, not a "writing" post. I write it because I promised myself I would. Can't seem to write this morning, too much worry about taking care of other realities. Gotta go. Have a happy day. Thanks for reading. Peace.