Please fasten your seatbelts for the first takeoff of a WHU flight in over a month, featuring a behind the scenes look at the core corruption of the occupation, plus other riveting tidbits of this sad and poignant eco-tour of a wildlife-preserve-as-it-unravels. Fear not, the aircraft is insulated and trailed by heavily armed fighter jets, and once your tour ends you will be safely escorted back to your local versions of meltdown and madness.

This is the Weekend Holyland Update, flight 100209, the captain has just lit the no cell phone sign, for reasons that will be made clear directly.

Y'all hear about the Goldstone report? UN went to this eminent judge, proud Jew and actual Zionist named Richard Goldstone, and asked him to investigate all claims of war crimes and other transgressions surrounding the shooting exercise Israel conducted last summer at the expense of some 1400 Palestinians, nine Israelis (half from friendly fire) and billions in damage.

Goldstone comes back with a report that says “Both sides have been very, very bad boys, committing war crimes and possibly crimes against humanity.”

Both Hamas and Israel (Ah, the symmetry, does a soul proud) rejected the report, screeching that it is one-sided. However, this presented a dangerous precedent for Israel, and one that was beginning to manifest immediately in trial-balloon law suits against high ranking Israelis and action by the Palestinians at the UN to get the report formally adopted, which would give it teeth in The Hague. Already Defense Minister Ehud Barak had to wait before a British judge said that as of now, no grounds exist to arrest Barak in London, before he could complete his little trip there. Looking at it from Israel's pov, leaving to one side whether one feels it is just that the country's leaders should be made to fear persecution wherever they travel, this is clearly an untenable situation. Something had to be done.

Shortly after the Goldstone report came out, and right after the Palestinian Authority began making motions to have the UN adopt the report and its findings (which would then, to clarify again, become fodder with teeth for lawsuits) – Israel informed the Palestinian Authority that contrary to an already settled deal, Israel would not allocate cellular frequencies for a new Palestinian cell-phone network, to challenge the current monopoly of Jawal, owned by PalTel. This new cell venture is backed by investors from Kuwait and Qatar, and a Palestinian holding company. This holding company is controlled by the inner circle of one Mahmoud Abbas, 74, better known by his nom de guerre of Abu Mazen, and his title of Chairman of the Palestinian Authority. The chairman of both the holding company and the Wataniya subsidiary is Muhammad Mustafa, chief economic advisor to the Chairman.

So, not only was Israel threatening an important infrastructure project to accommodate the expanding Palestinian economy in the West Bank, it was threatening to put some very important noses and bank accounts out of joint. Cause if Wantaniya wasn't ready with frequencies by a certain date soon, it would forfeit a huge deposit (I read $300 million) with the Palestinian Authority.

However, the Goldstone report is a serious trump card. Especially for Abu Mazen's West Bank-controlling Fatah, which wasn't party to the war, is in no way condemned in the report, and can use it to bludgeon both Israel and Hamas. He cannot give up such a pocket aces hand just to go back to where he was before Israel grabbed him and his cronies by the short and curlies, or in other words for no net gain.

This is where Israel's sugar daddy, the debonair Uncle Sam, comes in to (meagerly, really) sweeten the pot. In 2007 the US launched a loan and grant program to aid small and mid-size Palestinian businesses. To quote the State Dept. at the time, possible beneficiaries were “an olive grower looking to expand, a young mn with a small IT firm, someone looking to hire neighbors to produce and export Palestinian embroidery...” that kinda stuff. Heartwarming.

So now it turns out a nice chunk of this cash, $16 million in secured loans, will be given to the, um, non small, non medium venture of Wataniya. In return, Palestinians inform US and Israel they will not pursue UN adoption of Goldstone report. Cute, eh?

Apologists for the move in Palestine and states-side say it's only part of a program totaling 15 times that in total loans and grants, and you can hear the frustrated US spokesmen's undertone of “we can make the fucking sum up if that'll make everyone shut up about it,” but the facts remain.

So, who loses, other than olive growers, IT dudes and embroidery circles in the West Bank? The, um, “Stop Occupation and Violence” (aka “peace”) process, cause you can't quit the occupation by continuing to use the leverage occupation gives you to solve your problems. Abu Mazen loses most if not all the political capital he won by dominating the Fatah convention 2 months ago with this transparent bit of corruption, the US loses more cred as a broker, and Israel? It wiggles out of another reckoning with its behavior and buys a little more time before lo, Jehovah sendeth onto you Elijah the Prophet before the great and terrible day of the lord” - a day in which presumably continued occupation will be geo-politically feasible, as well as maybe other secret aspirations which are impolitic to openly discuss.

A full day later Palestinian Authority spokesmen (Saeb Arekat) backtracking, saying they agreed to no such thing, so situation vague.

(Hat-Tip: prolific and knowledge-trove Palestinian-American micro-blogger @avinunu)

What else? We traded 20 female prisoners for a fresh video showing POW Gilad Shalit alive and looking better than the last video. This spurt of effort may actually yield a deal by spring or thereabouts. Female prisoners as young as 15 (15 now, so arrested as middle schoolers). Not even the wingnuts have the face to wail about the dangerous killers we're releasing...

Oh, detour to the neighbors – Palestinians have a killer satire show on, named Watan ala Watar (Country on a String) and the Palestinian Authority bigwigs are smart enough to front a laughing face and play along. The show is a big hit from Egypt to the Gulf and I for one always thought if there's one thing our cousins could pick up from us was the fine humor of the oppressed. It produces a more adaptive people. So this is what you would call a Good Thing, if one is optimistic enough to look far enough ahead.

Back to my side of the Green Line: Concert season, strongest in years, ended. Nice blend of current and all-timey acts. Got your Lady Gaga and some other current top 40 acts, your Auntie Esther and your Depeche Mode and Suzanne Vega and Pet Shop Boys and Leonard Cohen (who moved many hip and discerning folks I know who were lucky enough to afford, very close to actual tears and shit. 50,000 people filled our national soccer stadium and apparently the poet handled it like a cozy tavern. Did some Jewish stuff to be nice to the crowd [blessing of the priests in decent Hebrew. He is a Cohen...]). Was good music on the deck of the Titan...

Cliché Alert! Cliché Alert! Time to bring her in for landing... There were some sports comments I had in mind but y'all don't really give a shit about that now do ya. Thank you... oh wait! Classic little vignette, really before we part:

Elite, food giant here, came out with a line of three “gourmet” coffees, a Brazillian blend, a Colombian and an African (Ethiopian beans most probably). Anyway, these little offerings each have a name. Brazilian Rhythm (no offense there, Samba boys be proud of they groove), Colombian Summit (again, no offense, is a mountain country), and... wait for it, it's coming....

African Savage!

It sounds school-marmish, but I can't resist: In this day and age.

I have not seen anyone comment on this in Hebrew. My Israeli readers are welcome to correct me if I err. To quote the great Bill Hicks: "No irony, No I...Nobody gives a shit anymore...."

This has been a tour of the enlightened and progressive “only democracy in the Middle East”, thank you for flying the WHU, please leave your thumbs and your comments at the counter on the way out. No, we are not responsible for your luggage. More links, videos, bells and fuckin whistles tomorrow, goddess, rugrats and sleep permitting. Till then... go with the gods.