Hubba, hubba, hubba, step right up, ladies and gents, welcome to a very special and festive edition of The Weekend Holyland Update, this is flight 042010, taking off for the lands of rabble racism, incitement, corruption, hysteria, mendacity and denial - and also of breathtaking achievement, cultural wealth and beauty. Confused? You won't be, after this episode of the WHU. Please fasten your seatbelts, as the captain has turned on the contradictions vortex sign.

The settlers of Yitzhar tried to celebrate Independence Day by going a-pogrom in the neighboring Palestinian village of Madma. The army, uncharacteristically, moved to stop them (figuring this would look really bad on Indy Day and all). The settlers, in response, began pelting the soldiers with rocks and vandalized their vehicles and also beat up some soldiers. Did the soldiers bombard the settlement with tear gas like they do - strictly for security reasons, and with maximum restraint, as they always claim - when they are stoned in Palestinian villages? Did they, say, shoot rubber bullets? Of course not. It's a well known fact that rocks thrown by Jews are less dangerous than those thrown by Ay-rabs. However, the settler scum did whine that for the first time ever, one soldier did fire one shot in the air. They were *whining* about it. Oh, funny closing note: The soldiers arrested one judo-nazi, but the settlers ripped the guy out of their clutches and hid him in the settlement. Again, think that happens at a demonstration in the neighboring village?

The big story this week was the growing Holyland real estate scandal. To those of you who had any doubt - of course the "very senior public figure" implicated in the scam is former PM Ehud Olmert, who really made an ass of himself with a "Lady doth protest too much" moment when he said that "I have never taken a bribe and never been offered a bribe". In all your years as minister in various economic departments (trade and industry, HUD, treasury...) never once been offered a bribe? Get the fuck outta town, clown. Man should be convicted for that lie alone.

Olmert, who was mayor of Jerusalem when the monstrous, ugly, multitude-of-zoning-laws-violating project was pushed through, has yet to be arrested, but is a central suspect. One of several who were arrested was his then-deputy and eventual successor as mayor, ultra-orthodox and great philanthropist Uri Lupolianski, who founded the Yad Sarah foundation (which lends out medical equipment, such as wheel chairs, to the needy). Lupo and Olmert tried to roll the blame on one another. The prosecution's case is actually kinda shaky, as it rests on a state's witness with serious cred issues, but few doubt the basic charges - the project was so monstrous and so... just plain wrong on so many levels, someone had to pay major mullah to get it approved.

The other big story was the incitement campaign against what's left of the "left" in this country. It started with another "report" by fascist right-wing (astroturf?) org "If You Will It" (Im Tirtzu) about the horrible left wing orgs supported by the New Israel Fund. Turns out, some of them are so horribly left wing, they want IDF war criminals to actually pay for their war crimes, in the Hague if Israel won't take care of it itself (and since in Israel, a chief military prosecutor caught red-handed devising several false explanations for the murder of an 11 year old is not only not disbarred but is made a judge in the civilian court system*, there is scant chance of that happening). So anyway, the fascists issued a big "report" about this, and then went on to paraphrase Israel's memorial day text Yizkor ("Remember") to include lines like "The people of Israel will remember those who stabbed its soldiers in the back, etc, etc, yada, yada".

Then popular "eastern" style crooner Amir Benayun known mostly for hating on the media, came out with a song called "brother" filled with Teutonic, post world war 1 "backstabbing" neurosis about "brother, I defend you, I guard your identity, and you stab me in the back and laugh at me, etc, etc, yada yada". Meanwhile, The fascist org? Got a hundred grand (in US dollars) from one Rev. John Hagee (yes, that John Hagee) who, for those with weak memories or strong supression mechanisms, is the guy who said that Hitler was punishment for the Jews obstinance about rejecting Jesus, and who only "supports" Israel because he believes that in order for the second coming to happen, Israel has to have a cataclysmic war where the vast majority of us die horribly. His money is kosher. And Benayun? The guy who "defends me" and "hasn't seen his home in a month"? Got thrown out of the army for being a junkie. Yup.

In fact, this is a fine metaphor for the entire state - junkies of false assumptions, of twisted historical perceptions and of religio-racist self indoctrinations and sense of entitlement and constant victimization that we desperately need to shake free of if we hope to ever cross the giant hurdle staring us in the face. And if we don't - well, at least ain't nobody with more experience at handling a really long exile.

Which would be a damn shame, because underneath all the filth and the wrongness, all the infuriating things - this is an amazing place. There is no country of comparable size with such a vibrant local music scene, poetry, literature, technology... Tel Aviv alone is worth saving (if you like cities, that is). Take it from people far better traveled than your humble narrator - outside of the Big Apple, few towns can hold a candle to it.

The act of restoring a dead language to full, vibrant and ever-evolving life is unparalleled in the annals of mankind.

I could go on and on, but there are thousands of rah-rah Zionist blogs who can sing the praises of Israel with far more gusto and detail. Just saying - many happy returns, just ain't gonna happen if we continue as we are. Happy birthday, junkie nation.

And on this Stevie Wonder-ish note, the pilot will now bring it in for landing. WHU airlines is not responsible for any illusions, sympathies or misconceptions that may have been misplaced on our tours. Please collect your luggage and check your comments and thumbs. Thank you for flying the crazy skies.

* _{In fact, it is this bitch who will decide whether and how badly Anat Kamm should be punished for exposing war crimes. Guess where she's leaning?}