Welcome to another edition of wacky tours, also known as the Weekend Holyland Update. Today we shall visit the land of sexually disturbed craven racists, some surprising honesty from a nationalist for balance, a breath(olizer)-taking alibi, primordial fears ruffled, kleptocrats annoyed, pressure from within rising and prosecution wasting the bench's time. Explanations for all the above coming up. This is WHU flight 050210. Please fasten your seatbelts. The pilot has turned on the no moonshine sign.

The judo-nazis of the settlement Yitzhar had a bad week. The various security forces have grown weary of wiping settler spittle from their faces, and have begun treating them like the outlaw rabble they are. Not for terrorizing the neighboring Palestinian villagers mind, only for assaulting soldiers and cops, but hey - that's an improvement too. So anyway, a few settlers were arrested. Now, boys and girls, what do settler scum do when they feel sorely put upon by their own legally elected and appointed authorities? Very good! They exact a "price tag" from the neighboring villagers, who as we may recall, have no vote or say in the actions of the authorities. So dear reader "old new lefty" can rest easy - the pogroms have been renewed this week and all's well with the world.

On a related note, the judo-nazis have announced in advance that in order to express their displeasure with the American President, he of the Muslim heritage and the refusal to absolutely toe the AIPAC line, they intend to spice up the bonfire festival of Lag BaOmer by burning Mr. Obama in effigy. Now of course they have every right to do so, but as any mental health professional will tell you,  the urge to burn things in order to register displeasure is indicative of sexual disturbances, which while no shame to suffer from, it may also not be advisable to trumpet so loudly.

Folks over here get so bent outta shape every time Obama talks about a "Nuclear Free Middle East", it's almost funny. Now, I am personally not in favor of unilaterally disarming our nuclear arsenal. It is, in fact, that arsenal which makes the existential terror of all those who screech about how a Palestinian bantu-state will threaten the existence of Israel so laughable. Still, Obama talks about a nuclear free WORLD all the time, yet when he applies it to our hood, people here take it personally. Sigh.

Knesset Speaker Rubi (Reuven) Rivlin surprised many, myself included, by saying that he'd rather accept the Palestinians of the West Bank as full citizens than partition the land into two states. Acutally that's not all that surprising, when one remembers that was the position of Jabotinski, the founder of the movement that gave birth to Likud (of which Rivlin is a veteran leader). Of course, Jabotinski and Rivlin both envision a "bi-national state" where Jews are always dominant regardless of the numbers, due to "birthright" - but that's ok. Once we have civil rights and the franchise for all, Rivlin's birthright crap will be taken care of. But Rivlin's outbrt of honesty was also notable for its recognition of the validity of Palestinian feelings of injustice and of the injustices visited upon Arab Israeli citizens. I personally still don't believe that direct transition to a binational state can be achieved without bloodshed, but if more strident right-wingers like Rivlin see it as preferable to a two-state solution, maybe it will work. That it is the only solution long-term I have no doubt whatsoever.

Remember Israel's Chief of Staff's bodyguard, who was arrested for trying to rape a woman outside the club where his bachelor party was held? Not that I blame you if you don't - there were a bunch of embarrassing stories from the top commander's chambers recently... Anyway, after denying everything at the top of his lungs for months, and dragging his fianc'e through the whole support ordeal, he now confesses that he did in fact brutally assault a perfect stranger in the bushes outside the club. However, he has an excuse: Moonshine made him do it! He claims that hallucinations brought on by "fake alcohol" that was served to him caused him to act in the manner set forth in the indictment. I wonder if this novel defense will have aspiring hippies making pilgrimage to the appalchian mountains in search of a semi-legal trip?

Another big topic of discussion this week was a suggested bill to cap CEO compensation, after revelations that many of our captains of industry, regardless of actual achievement, make hundreds of thousands of dollars a month. I wouldn't mind a law saying CEO's and senior corporate officers can't make more than X when the company is losing money, but for my money, directors are a much bigger problem than CEO's - who, after all, are employees and do not set their own salaries. Cap director compensation before executive pay.

Remember the settler soldiers, the ones whose madrassa was removed from the "fight a little and stay within the framework of your indoctrination center" arrangement, because their rabbi called for mutiny? Well, some of the soldiers from the madrassa decided to throw a tantrum. a couple are in the brig, some are still AWOL and the rest are demonstrating outside the brig in support of their poor abused comrades. But when us lefties say we won't serve in an army we find immoral, we're horrible traitors for it. Uh-huh.

3,000 jewish intellectuals from around Europe signed a letter calling on Israel to end construction in the occupied territories, including Arab East Jerusalem. In their letter, the signatories say that Israel's policy fuels the process of delegitimization facing the state. Of course no-one in the Bibi-Lieberman government will pay any attention whatsoever, but it's a good thing none the less.

Bibi, having failed to conclude a deal to free POW Gilad Shalit, the failure apparently not being totally his fault but at least equally the intrasigience of Hamas' "abroad" leadership (i.e. the ones insulated from the effect of their decisions), is now considering a bill to worsen the incarceration conditions of Hamas prisoners. You know - no studies, no family visits, the like... Like that's gonna break them. Instead, you fucking moron, why don't you publish the list of prisoners you agreed to release as part of the deal? Hamas already knows it, so it ain't no "state secret". Publishing it can sow discord among the prisoners and in the Palestinian street, and increase pressure on Hamas leadership to take the deal. But nooooo, you and the security apparatus would rather play "I Spy" vis-a-vis us, your employers.

This just in: A prominent leader in the super-ultra-orthodox anti-Zionist faction, so anti-Zionist he was once a "minister" in Yassir Arafat's shadow cabinet, passed away at a very ripe old age. The most unabashed of judo-nazi factions, the Kahana followers, pulled a Westboro Baptist and crashed the funeral to crow about the deceased's death. Y'all stay classy, brown shirts.

I totally spaced on adding this, so my apologies: My trial began last Thursday. Much to the chagrin of Jonathan in Tel Aviv, the prosecution has announced it will not seek a prison sentence. So why bother with the trial and waste the time of a court that's very overburdened as it is? 'tis a mystery. We will begin to find out on May 31st. I shall keep y'all posted.

And finally, the latest news is that the government of Israel and the corrupt and expired Palestinian Authority will begin "proximity talks", which means communicating indirectly through a messenger - but on the same premises. Goerge Mitchell likes the concept cause it worked for him in Ulster, but I don't see it doing any good here. In these parts, when people want to make real peace, they fucking talk to each other already. Still, it might make for a good pickup line. "Hey doll, wanna get out of here and have some proximity talks?"

And on that amorous note, the pilot will bring this mile high club in for landing and return you to your love nests of origin, which should seem significantly less silly in comparison or we would seriously advise you to consider divorce - um, relocation, that is. WHU airlines is not responsible for any illusions, sympathies or misconceptions that may have been misplaced on our tours. Please collect your luggage and check your comments and thumbs. Thank you for flying the crazy skies.