Update (May 31, 07:50 Israel time): Turkish media and al-Jazeera English are reporting at least 10 dead, over 30 wounded as Israel overtakes the humanitarian aid flotilla headed for Gaza in international waters. Israel's ambassador to Turkey has been summoned urgently to provide explanations for Israel's conduct, as thousands surround Israel's consulate in Istanbul. 

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Ships ahoy! Welcome to a special maritime edition of the Weekend Holyland Update, where we figure a couple of grams of meat per day are plenty for anyone - or at least for the sub-species of human known as homo gaziens. Visitors to the reservation where this rare specimen is kept, on the other hand, can enjoy all the beef in cream they can gorge at the local upscale restaurant. This is WHU flight 053010, taking off from running scared airport heading to points down the drain. Buckle up, and hang on to your skullcaps - it's a government order!

Those of you who get your news from sources other than the MSM probably know that a humanitarian aid flotilla is on its way to the shores of Gaza, carrying tons of food, medicine, toys, schoolbooks and notebooks, cement and other stuff to the strip, besieged by Israel since 2007. Israel's government  is absolutely terrified of this non-violent protest act and is calling it "violence", and pulling out all the propaganda stops to convince everyone that it has every right to decide what and how much Gazans get to eat, to prevent them from rebuilding their devestated infrastructure and to lord it over them.

In order to prove that there is no humanitarian crisis, Israel's government  boasted that since the beginning of this current year, it magnanimously allowed 24,302 tons of fruit, 14,879 tons of flour and 600 tons of meat into the Gaza strip (all tons metric). Divided by 150 days and by 1.5 million people, that works out to 108 grams (4 oz) of fruit, 66 grams (2.25 oz) of flour and 2 whole grams (less than an eighth of an ounce) of meat per person, per day. But Israel hopes you won't do the math. Well, I don't roll like that. I happen to believe, like a homey of mine used to say, that "ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free". Nobody ever said freedom would be easy.

Now of course that isn't the sum total of food available in the strip. There's some locally grown produce, and there's whatever's brought in through the tunnels, which are the biggest business in the strip, employing some 30 thousand people at last estimate. However, that gives you an idea of what Israel considers to be enough.

Next, Israel keeps braying that in stopping the flotilla, as it intends to do, it is merely protecting the sovereignty of its international waters. That one really is for dummies, because Gaza's waters aren't Israel's, and nothing says a ship sailing from Turkey to Gaza must pass through Israel's waters.

Then Israel tries sarcasm, with the head of the government press office sending an email to all foreign correspondents, mockingly recommending that they try the beef stroganoff and cream of spinach soup at this restaurant in Gaza City, and then retire for fresh cocktails at the Gardens Terrace club. Dumbass even attached a video of this club, trying to show how the nightlife in Gaza is hopping. Only problem? Said video was taken in 2005...

Finally, Israel has offered to pass everything the ships are bringing by land through its own territory, and that since the flotilla organizers have rejected this oh-so-generous offer, this proves they are up to no good. Only... why did it take the flotilla to get Israel to agree to let this stuff through? and why should the organizers legitimize Israel's siege by acknowledging it has the right to decide?

Israel is all set to intercept the ships and arrest everyone on them. It set up a makeshift tent camp for the detentions. The deal is that if you sign a document saying you accept deportation you get flown home at Israel's expense, but if you don't you get transferred to one of our jails to await a court arraignment. Think about this whole situation and you'll see why Hamas is correct in saying that whatever the outcome, it can't help but come out winning. Smart, Israel!

Israel's hysteria actually has more ground than its own twisted fears and hangups. While the flotilla began as a grassroots effort, it was co-opted and magnified by Turkey, which is now acting to acquire mediator status in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict whether Israel wants it or not. Turkey, of course, is in a unique position in that it is both a NATO member and an ally of Iran. So of course Israel is freaking out, and pursuant to its regular M.O., it will proceed to make the worst possible decision, stopping these boats in international waters with zero international justification and possibly being drawn into violence against gleeful activists and Turkish secret operatives. The boats, delayed several times so far, once because Israel managed to talk Cyprus into not letting them dock, are due in Gaza on Monday. Tune in for developments. (note: in light of the justifiable complaints about the western MSM ignoring the story, perhaps it would be better to have the people in the video feed speak English? Just saying.)

Actually, just a final note - for years, "responsible" people in the sage and enlightened West have been telling the Palestinians that if they only tried non-violent protest, they'd get much better press and results. So anyone care to explain the near-total blackout on the subject? On the fact that every week in dozens of villages people demonstrate non-violently against land theft? But if someone snaps and throws a molotov cocktail, that'll get headlines - and a sanctimonious "ewwwww, TERRORISM". Well, like Israeli Minister of Defense Ehud Barak once said in a moment of honesty - "If I were born Palestinian, of course I'd join one of the terror organizations".

Remember the Flower Power Plot? (reminder) Well, indictments are in. My main man Richard Silverstein has the English translations of the indictments and all the logical holes therein, so check them out on his site (and thanks to Shunra Media for doing the translations themselves). In a nutshell: Ameer Makhoul, one of the foremost leaders of Arabic civic causes in Israel, is accused of risking everything and causing grave harm to his people in order to do what anyone with an Israeli ID card could do just as well - and almost any Arab could do better, by virtue of being far less conspicuous. Dr. Omar Sayid, a man who runs an Arab-Jewish medical startup and chose a Jew over an Arab from his own village to run his company, is accused of a lesser version of same. Doesn't compute, especially when all evidence shows that the man who supposedly "recruited" them to spy for hizballah isn't actually connected to hizballah but rather the opposite. It's fascinating, by the way, that since the gag order regarding the details of Makhoul and Sayid's alleged crimes have been lifted, not a single mainstream media outlet in Israel has referred to the fact that the alleged "hizballah recruiter", Hassan Jaja, is a leading environmental activist in the arab world, and is the founder of the Arab Group for the Protection of Nature (APN), or even that he is a landscaper and flower merchant. "Businessman" is the only adjective used. I guess any green connotations may cause people to be less than 100% hostile towards Mr. Jaja, and maybe even - gasp - doubt that he is what Israel's spooks industry says he is. Can't have that, can we? Your humble narrator is (humbly!) the only Israeli journalist to mention this inconvenient fact.

On the back of this apparent frame-job, our stupid government has passed two new laws: One denying various perks to Hamas prisoners in order to create pressure on Hamas to release POW Gilad Shalit, and one authorizing the stripping of citizenship of anyone who spies on Israel or participates in an act of terrorism. The second is superfluous because such a provision already exists at the discretion of the Minister of the Interior, and the first is plain funny. People who belong to a group that carries out suicide bombings are gonna break because they're not allowed to take academic courses, watch TV or get family visits (which the ones from Gaza haven't been getting in 3 years anyway). Riiiight. No, this is just red meat for the mindless masses.

What else? Oh, there's this Jerusalem neighborhood called Sheikh Saad. 3000 people. 1800 of which have Israeli ID's. Israel's separation barrier cut the place off from Jerusalem. Israel's supreme court decreed that the residents must be allowed 24 hour/day access to Jerusalem, which is basically their life - where they work, shop, go to school... whatever. The village is surrounded by a deep gorge on three ends. There used to be a bridge on one side, but Israel blew it up back in 2002. There's a single road to Jerusalem on the fourth side, with a checkpoint, which as I said the court has said the villagers should be allowed through. But in Israel, the high court doesn't call the shots. So the military prevents all vehicle access (there's a traffic light and cars are ostensibly allowed to pass on green, but the light is always red, like some bad joke) and almost completely restricts access on foot. Why? "security reasons", of course. And the fact that these "security reasons" were already brought before the court and rejected? Fuck the court. Epaulets trump robes any day.

Imad Burnat is a Palestinian videographer from the village of Bil'in. Back in '06 he was arrested and charged with assaulting a police officer and whatever. He has since been exonerated by the court. But Israeli PD (that's short for Porcine Department) insists the file is still open and denies him entry into Israel, which is why he was unable to meet international critics and buyers when segments from his film "Five Shattered Cameras" were screened at the Tel Aviv Cinematheque. Petty tyranny, going twice.

Nearing landing, the education ministry here has this initiative where 7th graders copy all the verses of the bible. To put them in touch with their heritage and all that jazz. Not a problem in and of itself, but the Min. of Ed. couldn't leave it at that, so it issued a directive that all kids, even from secular schools, had to wear skullcaps when engaged in this endeavor. The reason? Lest any religious people get offended. Someone's lucky my kid ain't in 7th grade yet, is all I'm saying. No, I'm saying this too: If anyone is offended by me or mine reading the bible, copying it, writing about it or engaging with it in any way without kowtowing to jehovah or his self-appointed spokesmen, fuck them, their mothers and the horses they all rode in on. How's that for offensive, ye scurvy fucks?

OK, gonna close with some personal notes:

1) continuing with the last item, in the casefile for my trial which I received, there was a form they filled out when I was interrogated by police, and for some reason it had a "religion" field, which listed me as "Religion: Jewish." Um, no. Like, really, no. Fuck you. Nationality: Jewish? I'll swallow that, since the supreme court rejected the demand that people be listed simply as Israeli. But Religion: Jewish? Yo mama, maybe. Not me. Next time you feel the need to categorize me, I'ma give you three options: Buddhist if you must, Pastafarian for laughs or best, really: None. Thank you very motherhumping much.

2) speaking of which, my trial finally gets underway in 9 hours. (yeah, I should get some shuteye) My good friend, The Advocate of Justice Atty. Jonathan Klinger, is representing me pro-bono. We're moving that the court squash the indictment "on Justice", due to prosecutorial misconduct and selective prosecution. Update sometime after hearing tomorrow

3) Finally, something totally personal: My wife was hired to manage this artsy fartsy website, and then fired after her first day of training, because the owner didn't believe she was late due to a flat tire and insisted she must have been late because of the kids. This woman (the owner of the website) prides herself on employing only women, but doesn't want mothers. My wife was really looking forward to this gig and totally kicked ass at the training, learning the work very quickly. Oh, and the work itself is from home, so worrying about the kids making her late to work isn't actually an issue. I can't tell you how pissed off I am at this person. I can only hope she makes gobs of money - and needs every last dime for pain medication, while living a very long, barren, lonely and miserable life.

And on that justifiyably vindictive note, the pilot will now return you to your points of origin, which should be looking less depressing, petty and stupid or you should seriously consider relocation (or armed resistance, whichever comes more naturally to you). WHU airlines is not responsible for any illusions, sympathies or misconceptions that may have been misplaced on our tours. Please collect your luggage and check your comments and thumbs. Thank you for flying the crazy skies.