I yelled at someone today. I hate when I do that. But sometimes I get an uncontrollable gut level instinct that says: "there is NO way this person is going to listen unless I raise my voice.... a lot". That's what I felt at 8:30 this morning when I was up to my elbows in dough and I got an "urgent" message from my other job. So I called, I yelled, and then I went back to the dough. Then I went to my other job to do a little damage control.
As one might expect the object of my rancor made themselves scarce all day. I suppose I would too. I really do hate when I do that. It was terribly childish and immature of me. Now on top of everything else, there will be "discussions" about my attitude.
Here's the rub: I had every right to be upset by the actions of this person, but the act of yelling over-shadowed the reason for it. The point now is that I lost my cool. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong, I stepped outside accepted behavior and yelled. I got all self-important and wanted to have things my way, behaved childishly and now I feel foolish.
Having recently had my job seriously threatened, I suppose my nerves were on edge. I take my responsibilities seriously and have expectations for the way they are accomplished. I do not take it well when someone usurps me, or chooses a different way to do something without first discussing it with me. I get ticked off and lose my composure and.... yell.
The worst thing about this? The person I yelled at has championed me and my job many, many times. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. That pretty much makes my actions just plain stupid, as in seriously unwise.
So now I feel stupid as well as childish and foolish.
In case you wondered let me clear it up for you: actions really DO speak louder than words and, the act of yelling is just bad form.
Oh, and apologies really, really suck.