JANUARY 17, 2011 11:38AM

Shumer and Coburn - No, They're Not Lovers

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There is no truth to the rumor (that I'm starting) that Chuck Shumer (D-New York) and Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) are an "item."  They just want to sit together during the upcoming State of the Union speech.

"Tommy and I," Mr. Shumer says wistfully, "just need to be close to one another during the President's speech."  "Oh, Charles," Tom Coburn interjects, "methinks you doth protest too much.  It's about the state of the Union, not OUR union.  Which there isn't one, by the way."

Crossing the aisle is one thing, sitting on the same side of the aisle quite another. 

"No one's coming out of anybody's closet," Shumer insists, "though Tommy did scare me out of my wits when he pulled that prank the other night."

Mr. Shumer was apparently alluding to an incident involving the Capitol cloak room.

"I've never seen you so frightened," Mr. Coburn demurred.  Mr. Shumer gently poked his colleague in the shoulder.  "Oh, yes you have.  The time you spilled a water glass near the podium's microphone I thought we'd lost you."  "Oh that," Mr. Coburn said, adjusting Mr. Shumer's pocket handkerchief.  "I can still see you running up to rescue me.  Some of your Democrat friends were not too supportive."  "Who gives a hoot about them?" Mr. Shumer retorted.

And with that the pair was off into the inner recesses of the Capitol.  They could be heard discussing suits and ties for the evening of the President's speech and it was far from partisan bickering.

Progress at last?

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I just hope they don't whisper to each other during the speech