Rob Neukirch

Rob Neukirch
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Rob lives in Floyd, VA with his wife Michele and their two sons, Preston and Cooper.

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Salon.com
APRIL 12, 2012 1:36PM

DWL - DRIVING WHILE LIBERAL, INCIDENT #2

Rate: 3 Flag

 

"I need to see your license and registration, please."

 

"Yes sir, Officer.  I have it here somewhere."

 

"I hope you do, son."

 

"Isn’t it interesting, Officer, that although I’d bet I’m older than you are, you just called me 'son'?"

 

"Not to me it’s not.  All righty there Mr.…ah…Newark, do you know why I stopped you?"

 

"No idea, Officer."

 

"Well, Mr. Newark, I wouldn’t say you were wandering, exactly, but you were way over in your lane."

 

"In my lane?"

 

"Yes sir, Mr. Newark, way over to the left."

 

"And is that against the law, Officer?"

 

"No it’s not, Mr. Newark, though in my opinion it might ought to be."

 

"But wouldn’t you rather have me toward the center?"

 

"Well now, Mr. Newark, a lot of stuff happens along that central line.  That’s the divider, cars going by in the complete other direction.  You cross that center line and all hell breaks loose."

 

"I see what you mean, Officer."

 

"This one of those ‘lectric cars, Mr. Newark?"

 

"Actually, it’s gas and electric.  It’s a hybrid."

 

"Boy now, there’s a word that scares a lot of people.  Nope, just don’t like the sound of it.  Hi-brid.  Sounds a little like in-bred, doesn’t it?  Sounds a little like something that just plain ought not to be.  You take two things and mash ‘em together and you got something that maybe you shouldn’t have gone after in the first place."

 

"Like what, Officer, if you don’t mind me…"

 

"Cousin of mine went out west to New Mexico one time and sent back a picture postcard of a jackalope, part jack rabbit which I guess is the rabbit they got out there and part antelope.  Now who wants to see that?"

 

"I don’t believe that’s a real animal, Officer."

 

"I didn’t say it was a real animal, I was just giving you an example.  Give you another one though.  Between you and me, I had occasion to shine a light into a car the other night, a parked vehicle and there were two young men in there of the same sex."

 

"And?"

 

"Well, now, Mr. Newark I’m not going to get into the “and” of it, I’m just going to leave it right there because that’s a jackalope to me and I don’t need to see it."

 

"Were they breaking the law, Officer?"

 

"Well now, there’s laws, Mr. Newark and then there’s laws, if you know what I mean."

 

"Funny thing, Officer, I know what you mean and I don’t know what you mean, all at the same time."

 

"Let me ask you, Mr. Newark, is that your bumper sticker on the back of your car?"

 

"Oh boy…"

 

"Now 'Co-Exist' is all well and good but some things don’t now, do they?"

 

"Don’t what, Officer?"

 

"Co-exist.  You got your oil and water, your cats and dogs, you got your women and sports…"

 

"Did you see the Baylor game, Officer?  Best in the nation, 40 and 0?"

 

"Now see, that’s not natural is it, a un-naturally tall woman lumbering down in there and dunking that ball?  Freak of nature, right there."

 

"How do you feel about women’s beach volleyball?"

 

"Now there's a sport and a half, right there."

 

"Okey-dokey.  You know, Officer, if it’s all right with you I’m going to be on my way."

 

"You are good to go, Mr. Newark.  Stay right of center, if you will, sir, for your own safety and the safety of others."

 

"Right of center?"

 

"That’s the key, Mr. Newark, that surely is the key."

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Comments

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My solution? Give money to the Police Benevolent Assn and get one of their car stickers.
My question has to be, was this an actual encounter or are you just messing with our heads?? Either way it's a fun post.
Just messing, Jmac...even here in the land of cotton they stick to the protocol (for the most part.) An idea I've had for some time and wanted to exploit...