MAY 11, 2012 9:26AM

SEX WITH JOHN TRAVOLTA

Rate: 3 Flag

 

 

 It was either 1983 or 1994, I can't remember.  I was in the Whole Foods in the Valley or it might have been Ralph's on Sunset.  I was killing time between auditions and wandering the air-conditioned aisles of one of the two stores mentioned when suddenly there was a buzz.  It wasn't the kind of buzz that comes from refrigerator case compressors.  This was definitely "celebrity buzz."  When you've lived in Los Angeles for any length of time, you're able to recognize the difference.  Ask any HVAC professional.

Just at the end of the Pet Food aisle I caught a flash.  John (I feel okay with using his first name.  After all, we both belonged to the same union, SAG.) was still in his prime then and just the lower pant leg, cuff and shiny black shoe of his trailing leg told me all I needed to know.  He wasn't in the store for the AC.

I didn't alter my course because, having been around plenty of celebrities (in LA you pass them all the time, probably, in your car) I figured que sera, sera.  Then, just moments later, over by produce and fresh-squeezed juices, we ran into one another.

Well, we didn't actually run into one another but we were undeniably in the same section of the store.  He was lifting various individual servings of healthy beverages and I was...I was staring.  There was definitely a magnetism there, reminiscent of his Kotter days.  I may have even said "Vinny"  under mybreath.  Saturday Night Fever?  My temperature was definitely rising.

John made his choice.  It was green, whatever it was and when he turned - as effortless a turn as I've ever seen a man make - his eyes swept over me.  Even from twenty feet away his look was all-encompassing.  It rolled over me, it took me in, all of me and if ever I'd felt "undressed" by a man's look (I never had but, come on, I have an imagination), it was in that moment.  If it wasn't exactly sex, it was pretty darn close.  Penetration?  Symbolically, yes.  I most definitely felt defiled, thrillingly defiled.

I stood frozen in that spot for the next ninety minutes or so, until the Whole Foods closed.  It must have been Whole Foods because Ralph's is open 24/7.  Or was it the Hughes on Ventura Blvd.?  No matter.  Did I have sex with John Travolta or didn't I?

 You be the judge.

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hmmmm. the rumor has long been bouncing around, but travolta's plane's flight records seem to refute the current gossip-y claim. well-written piece.
As the Valley Gurrllls say, "Ewwww gross!"
You know, sex is like life. When it's good, it's good and when it's bad it's...not so bad.

Thanks for reading...