Dummy

Literary Ventriloquism At Its Finest!

Robert Brenner

Robert Brenner
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Robert Brenner is a humorist, critic, and ventriloquist. His work has been published in New York Magazine, the Huffington Post, Grin & Tonic, and Happy. He has been interviewed on LeMorningShow, the first Twitter talk show. He is a proud graduate of André Aciman’s Writers’ Institute at the Graduate Center at CUNY. He lives in New York City with his child bride and two (imaginary) cats. Email: rabrenner@prodigy.net

MY RECENT POSTS

galactus 

In his secret lunar base hidden on the dark side of the moon, Newt Gingrich licks his political wounds and plots yet another unlikely comeback:

NEWT: They called me "unstable," "erratic," "grandiose!" I'll show them! As soon as I've completed my death ray,  I'll decimate the rest… Read full post »

JANUARY 18, 2012 8:53AM

Captain America For President

captain america 
 

I said I would never get involved with politics. I've always been much more comfortable fighting bad guys like the Red Skull or Hydra. But I can no longer be a member of the Silent,… Read full post »
DECEMBER 20, 2011 9:03AM

Tintin Über Alles

 tintin
Grrrrr! Who are you? What do you want?

You're a reporter? I guess that's all right. I thought you were a member of the accursed Mossad. Those people never forget. Look at what they did to poor Eichmann.

You want to know what Tintin is really… Read full post »
DECEMBER 5, 2011 3:20PM

Mitt Romney's Diary

Mitt Romney 

Dear Diary:

WTF? I'm the handsomest, richest, most electable candidate in my class, but the GOP still won't ask me to the prom. My feelings would be hurt -- if I had any.

It was bad enough when they passed me over last time for ROTC captain John McCain.… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 25, 2011 10:57AM

Batman Invades Occupy Wall Street

dark knight 

 The "Occupy" movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment. "Occupy" is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly moRead full post »

NOVEMBER 9, 2011 2:57PM

Hulk Occupy Wall Street

 

hulk 

 

 Hulk See Greed. Hulk Smash! -- the Wall Street Journal

"Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

How many times have I said that? Over the years, I've become something of an expert on anger management, ever… Read full post »

OCTOBER 24, 2011 8:46AM

Herman Cain Is The Anti-Christ

herman cain 
 
The end is near -- or so it seems to a segment of Christians aligned with the religious right. The global economic meltdown, numerous natural disasters and the threat of radical Islam have fueled a conviction among some evangelicals that these are the last days. -the New YorkRead full post »
seven beauties 
 
A German POW camp. The Commandant, Angela Merkel, is seated behind her desk. The prisoner, Silvio Berlusconi, is standing before her.
 
BERLUSCONI: Good morning, Herr Commandant!

MERKEL (slapping her riding crop on the desk): Silence! Speak only when spoken to!

BERLUSCO… Read full post »
ed koch
 
 
Former Mayor Edward I. Koch's strategy seemed almost nutty at first: ask Jewish residents in Brooklyn and Queens to vote against an Israel-loving observant Jew for Congress to send a message to President Obama...Now Mr. Koch is considering taking his critique of President Obama'Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 7:06PM

Three-Way Dance: Romney, Perry, Bachmann

perry bachmann romney 

VENTURA:  Good evening, fight fans! This is you host, Jesse "the Body" Ventura.

ROVE: And I'm your color commentator, Karl "the Brain" Rove.

VENTURA: We've got a real slobberknocker for you tonight! It's a three-way dance--the Mighty Mitt Romney versus Rowdy Rick Perry versus Beau… Read full post »

AUGUST 12, 2011 8:56AM

Super Congress vs. Justice League

justice league 

With great debt comes great responsibility:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/super-congress-vs-justice_b_920281.html

 

  Read full post »

AUGUST 9, 2011 12:45PM

Super Congress vs. Justice League

With great debt comes great responsibility:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/super-congress-vs-justice_b_920281.html

AUGUST 9, 2011 12:41PM

Super Congress vs. Justice League

With great debt comes great responsibility:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/super-congress-vs-justice_b_920281.html

AUGUST 2, 2011 8:59AM

Michele Bachmann: "I Kissed A Girl"

michele bachmann  
Michele Bachmann is lounging around the house in a filmy negligee.
 
BACHMANN: Jesus Christ, I've got a headache. I feel like my whole head is going to explode. It's a good thing I don't have my finger on the button, or I… Read full post »

super 8 

Scene 1: Midnight. A deserted train station. A group of kids are shooting an amateur porno with  their smartphones.

DIRECTOR: Okay, baby, I'm going to make you famous! Take off your clothes.

BLOND GIRL: Are you sure this is the way Rebecca Black got started?

MAKEUP ARTIST (evening… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 15, 2011 8:56AM

FoX-Men: First Class

x-men 

In a secret underground bunker, located far below Fox News, a group of superpowered Republicans gather. Roger Ailes, the brains behind the outfit -- codenamed "Professor FoX" -- addresses them:

Ailes/Prof. FoX: We have to stop Barack Obama from destroying the United States. One of you… Read full post »

JUNE 6, 2011 8:26AM

Alpha Male Economists: I.M.F@#ked

james bond 
It is an international island in the midst of the American capital, a sharp-elbowed place ruled by alpha male economists. The days are long, and employees are regularly pressed together for weeks on end during overseas "missions." It is a  climate in which romances often flourishRead full post »
MAY 22, 2011 8:27PM

Buying Porn For Bin Laden

bin laden tv 

WARNING: Adult Content/Juvenile Humor 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/buying-porn-for-bin-laden_b_863953.html Read full post »

 captain america

The First Avenger on the death of OBL:

 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/captain-america-vs-osama-_b_859002.html Read full post »

APRIL 30, 2011 1:03PM

A Thor Subject


 thor
Just in time for the movie opening Friday:
 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-brenner/a-thor-subject_b_852898.html  Read full post »

Author's Note: In honor of Prince William and Catherine Middleton's upcoming nuptials, I'm posting this short story concerning a certain other fairy tale royal wedding. 
 
princess di wedding 

Once upon a time, in a faraway land called France:
 
Beautiful, spunky Princess Die was be… Read full post »

catwoman 

Robin awoke with a start. Where was he? The last thing he remembered was being beaten unconscious by masked henchmen. Now he found himself tied spread-eagle to a fur-lined four-poster bed.

He fell back on Batman's training. The first thing to do was get his bearings. The room heRead full post »

Author's Note: David Foster Wallace's final novel  The Pale King will be officially published April 15th, Tax Day. Copies are already available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

david foster wallace

I don’t normally do this sort of thing—write reviews, grant interviews, give readings, sign boRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 24, 2011 9:02AM

The White Moose: Sarah Palin In India

sarah palin moose

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will be adding another stamp to her passport in March, when she takes a trip to India to participate in an annual seminar series on global leadership. -- the Huffington Post.

Dear Ms. Sarah Palin, Former Governor of Alaska, Current Fox News Journalist, and Futur… Read full post »


paris hilton bondage
 
In attacking the problem  of the ambiguity of human language, computer science is now closing in on what researchers refer to as the "Paris Hilton problem..." --the  New York Times

ALEX TREBEK: Welcome to Jeopardy. Today on Jeopardy we have an historic competition, pittin… Read full post »