Dummy

Literary Ventriloquism At Its Finest!

Robert Brenner

Robert Brenner
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Robert Brenner is a satirist, critic, and historian of popular culture. He is also a ventriloquist: his favorite literary trope is writing in the voices of different characters. His blog DUMMY has been featured on the cover of Open Salon, and his work has been published in the avant-garde literary magazine Happy. He is also a proud graduate of André Aciman’s Writers’ Institute at the Graduate Center at CUNY. He currently resides in New York City with his child bride and two (imaginary) cats.

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My List
NOVEMBER 19, 2009 10:36PM

Sarah Palin’s Sex Video, by Larry Flynt


nalin palin cover

Dear Sarah:

Now that you’re no longer the half-baked governor of Alaska, I’ve got a business proposition for you.

Yes, I know, you have a book out. I saw you on Oprah. (Yes, I watch Oprah, same as everybody else. I’m into fat, black, dominatrices. You’ve gotRead full post »

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 10:05AM

BREAKING NEWS: TERRORIST ATTACKS TOKYO!!!

godzilla head 

This just in: Tokyo is under attack by a giant, fire-breathing terrorist. Thousands flee in terror! Tall buildings collapse! The army is helpless!

The terrorist resembles a giant dinosaur. What kind of dinosaur? How the hell should I know—I’m not a paleontologist, or possess… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 5, 2009 9:01AM

Jon & Kate + Octomom = ?!@$%

kate octomom 

Jon is sitting glumly on a couch between Kate and Octomom.

KATE: Jon, I can’t believe you want to leave me for this nutjob!

OCTOMOM: Jon, I can’t believe you’re considering getting back together with this ball breaker!

JON: Ladies...

KATE (to OCTOMOM): You psychopath!Read full post »

archie betty veronica sex 

Is Archie Andrews a bigamist? That perennially teenage redhead from Riverdale made headlines around the world when word leaked, back in May, that he would propose to his longtime love interest, Veronica Lodge, in issue no. 600...Although Archie did marry Veronica, things will take a turRead full post »

Marge Simpson Playboy Cover

The Interview You DIDN'T Read In Playboy 

NOT PLAYBOY: Why did you decide to pose for Playboy?

SIMPSON: Homer has been pressuring me for years. Besides, we need the money--Homer has major medical problems, and our health insurance sucks. Did you know "beer" is a pre-existing condition?

NRead full post »

Meghan McCain's Tank Top

Dear Meghan:

 I know how it is, darling: you were lounging around in your PJs.  (I do it all the time.) You were curled up with a good book. Maybe you had a glass or two of wine. 

 Suddenly, sweetheart, you had a fun idea: post your picture on Twitter.… Read full post »

lou albano

George remember Lou. Lou great professional wrestling manager. Lou guide George’s career back in 1980s.

Lou help George many times in ring. Lou pass George “illegal foreign objects”: brass knuckles, steel chair, sock filled with quarters. Lou not judge George when George e… Read full post »

OCTOBER 13, 2009 5:44PM

The Last Memoir

alien 3  

My mother was a crack whore. My father was a space alien, or at least so she always claimed. More likely he was one of the numberless, faceless johns she used to cruise for outside the Lincoln Tunnel, just behind the Port Authority Bus Terminal. So far, a normal childhood,Read full post »


 
tom cruise risky business
 
[voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors’. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I’m looking around, but no one seems to be there. Then I hear the showerRead full post »
watcher  

 I am Uatu the Watcher. I am pledged never to interfere in human affairs, merely to observe. Recently, my omniscient orbs have detected an event of cosmic significance: the absorption of the smaller, weaker Marvel Universe by the larger, more puissant Disney Universe. AccordiRead full post »

obama superman  

My fellow Americans, I have an important announcement to make.

I admit it. I was not born in Hawaii, as I have previously claimed. Nor was I born in Kenya, as some people erroneously believe.

I was born on the planet Krypton, in the Andromeda galaxy, 2.5 million light-yearsRead full post »

AUGUST 15, 2009 1:05PM

What If Hitler Had Twitter?

hitler 2 

The_real_hitler, April 1rst, 1945 Heil me! Where my dachshunds @? I’m tweeting 2 my legions of loyal followers from somewhere in—or under—Berlin.

I can’t b 2 specific about the exact location because the verdammt Allies would ♥ 2 drop the bomb on me, if u/Read full post »

michael jackson 

Where am I? Who are you? What am I doing here?

You’re in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. I’m Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea, Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of KorRead full post »

TODAY is the 50th anniversary of the court ruling that overturned America’s obscenity laws, setting off an explosion of free speech…On July 21, 1959, Judge Bryan ruled in favor of Grove Press and ordered the Post Office to lift all restrictions on sending copies of “Lady ChatterleyRead full post »

JULY 20, 2009 7:22AM

A VERY Personal Robot

Willow Garage, a Silicon Valley robotics research group, said that its experimental PR2 robot, which has wheels and can travel at speeds up to a mile and a quarter per hour, was able to open and pass through 10 doors and plug itself into 10 standard wall sockets in less thanRead full post »
Editor’s Pick
JUNE 7, 2009 12:39PM

What If David Cronenberg Directed Jon And Kate Plus Eight?

[JON and KATE are seated on a couch as far away from each other as possible, facing the camera. JON is wearing shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt that says “I’d Rather Be Golfing.” KATE is wearing a housedress and sneakers. Next to her is a coffee cup that says “World’s GreaRead full post »

watchmen 

In the 1940s, the Golden Age, when I started fighting crime, it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys: the bad guys wore swastikas or had yellow skin and said things like “soon I vill rule the vorld!” A quick swoosh, zap, pow, and it wasRead full post »

Sure I remember the Randy “the Ram” Robinson. I saw him wrestle the Ayatollah  at the Garden twenty years ago. Man, that was a great match. Fans like me still talk about it. That was back in the eighties, before everything started to suck. Reagan was President, we defeated the Evil/… Read full post »

JANUARY 9, 2009 10:29PM

R.I.P., Ron Asheton

I first heard Ron Asheton on Metallic K.O., the Stooges’ classic live album. But I didn’t rally appreciate his guitar playing until I went back and listened to the first two Stooges studio albums, The Stooges and Fun House. (Sadly, Asheton was relegated to bass on Raw Power, the Stooges&rRead full post »

DECEMBER 17, 2008 5:00PM

The Art Of The Piledriver

Most of the buzz about the new movie The Wrestler has focused on Mickey Rourke’s comeback. There’s already talk about Rourke being nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of washed-up professional wrestler Randy “The Ram” Robinson.  But what I hope is that The Wrestler &Read full post »

DECEMBER 13, 2008 1:15PM

Freeing Bettie Page From Bondage

She was the queen of 1950s pinups. Over the course of the decade, she appeared in hundreds of pictorials in dozens of men’s magazines.  She was a Renaissance woman: she was equally at home in a relatively wholesome girl-next-store photo shoot for Playboy or a kinky bondage-and-spanking spr/… Read full post »