Dear Sarah:

Now that you’re no longer the half-baked governor of Alaska, I’ve got a business proposition for you.

Yes, I know, you have a book out. I saw you on Oprah. (Yes, I watch Oprah, same as everybody else. I’m into fat, black, dominatrices. You’ve got… Read full post »

This just in: Tokyo is under attack by a giant, fire-breathing terrorist. Thousands flee in terror! Tall buildings collapse! The army is helpless!

The terrorist resembles a giant dinosaur. What kind of dinosaur? How the hell should I know—I’m not a paleontologist, or possess… Read full post »

Jon is sitting glumly on a couch between Kate and Octomom.

KATE: Jon, I can’t believe you want to leave me for this nutjob!

OCTOMOM: Jon, I can’t believe you’re considering getting back together with this ball breaker!

JON: Ladies...

KATE (to OCTOMOM): You psychopath!… Read full post »

Is Archie Andrews a bigamist? That perennially teenage redhead from Riverdale made headlines around the world when word leaked, back in May, that he would propose to his longtime love interest, Veronica Lodge, in issue no. 600...Although Archie did marry Veronica, things will take a tur… Read full post »

The Interview You DIDN'T Read In Playboy 

NOT PLAYBOY: Why did you decide to pose for Playboy?

SIMPSON: Homer has been pressuring me for years. Besides, we need the money--Homer has major medical problems, and our health insurance sucks. Did you know "beer" is a pre-existing condition?

N… Read full post »

Dear Meghan:

 I know how it is, darling: you were lounging around in your PJs.  (I do it all the time.) You were curled up with a good book. Maybe you had a glass or two of wine. 

 Suddenly, sweetheart, you had a fun idea: post your picture on Twitter.… Read full post »

George remember Lou. Lou great professional wrestling manager. Lou guide George’s career back in 1980s.

Lou help George many times in ring. Lou pass George “illegal foreign objects”: brass knuckles, steel chair, sock filled with quarters. Lou not judge George when George e… Read full post »

My mother was a crack whore. My father was a space alien, or at least so she always claimed. More likely he was one of the numberless, faceless johns she used to cruise for outside the Lincoln Tunnel, just behind the Port Authority Bus Terminal. So far, a normal childhood,… Read full post »

 I am Uatu the Watcher. I am pledged never to interfere in human affairs, merely to observe. Recently, my omniscient orbs have detected an event of cosmic significance: the absorption of the smaller, weaker Marvel Universe by the larger, more puissant Disney Universe. Accordi… Read full post »

My fellow Americans, I have an important announcement to make.

I admit it. I was not born in Hawaii, as I have previously claimed. Nor was I born in Kenya, as some people erroneously believe.

I was born on the planet Krypton, in the Andromeda galaxy, 2.5 million light-years… Read full post »

The_real_hitler, April 1rst, 1945 Heil me! Where my dachshunds @? I’m tweeting 2 my legions of loyal followers from somewhere in—or under—Berlin.

I can’t b 2 specific about the exact location because the verdammt Allies would ♥ 2 drop the bomb on me, if u/… Read full post »

Where am I? Who are you? What am I doing here?

You’re in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. I’m Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea, Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army, General Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Kor… Read full post »

TODAY is the 50th anniversary of the court ruling that overturned America’s obscenity laws, setting off an explosion of free speech…On July 21, 1959, Judge Bryan ruled in favor of Grove Press and ordered the Post Office to lift all restrictions on sending copies of “Lady Chatterley… Read full post »

[JON and KATE are seated on a couch as far away from each other as possible, facing the camera. JON is wearing shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt that says “I’d Rather Be Golfing.” KATE is wearing a housedress and sneakers. Next to her is a coffee cup that says “World’s Grea… Read full post »

In the 1940s, the Golden Age, when I started fighting crime, it was easy to tell the good guys from the bad guys: the bad guys wore swastikas or had yellow skin and said things like “soon I vill rule the vorld!” A quick swoosh, zap, pow, and it was… Read full post »

Sure I remember the Randy “the Ram” Robinson. I saw him wrestle the Ayatollah  at the Garden twenty years ago. Man, that was a great match. Fans like me still talk about it. That was back in the eighties, before everything started to suck. Reagan was President, we defeated the Evil/… Read full post »

I first heard Ron Asheton on Metallic K.O., the Stooges’ classic live album. But I didn’t rally appreciate his guitar playing until I went back and listened to the first two Stooges studio albums, The Stooges and Fun House. (Sadly, Asheton was relegated to bass on Raw Power, the Stooges&r… Read full post »

Most of the buzz about the new movie The Wrestler has focused on Mickey Rourke’s comeback. There’s already talk about Rourke being nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of washed-up professional wrestler Randy “The Ram” Robinson.  But what I hope is that The Wrestler &… Read full post »

She was the queen of 1950s pinups. Over the course of the decade, she appeared in hundreds of pictorials in dozens of men’s magazines.  She was a Renaissance woman: she was equally at home in a relatively wholesome girl-next-store photo shoot for Playboy or a kinky bondage-and-spanking spr/… Read full post »