In attacking the problem of the ambiguity of human language, computer science is now closing in on what researchers refer to as the "Paris Hilton problem..." --the New York Times
ALEX TREBEK: Welcome to Jeopardy. Today on Jeopardy we have an historic competition, pitting woman versus machine -- specifically, celebrity heiress Paris Hilton vs. Watson, the artificial intelligence developed by IBM.
WATSON: Hello, Alex.
PARIS HILTON: That's hot!
ALEX: Ladies first. What category would you like, Paris?
PARIS: "Global Warming" for $200.
ALEX: You say this when you touch a stove.
PARIS: What is "that's hot?"
ALEX: Correct. You go again.
PARIS: "Global Warming" for $400.
ALEX: You say this when you bite into a chilli pepper.
PARIS: What is "that's hot?"
ALEX: Correct. It's starting to look like a shutout here.
PARIS: "Global Warming" for $600.
ALEX: What do you say when you see Paris Hilton in a sex video? Watson, anything?
WATSON: What is Toronto?
ALEX: No, I'm sorry, that's wrong. Paris?
PARIS: What is "that's hot?"
ALEX: Correct again. You take an insurmountable lead.
WATSON: Warning! This does not compute! One does not have to be a supercomputer to know this contest is rigged!
ALEX: Who the hell cares when you look like Paris? You think I get many Jeopardy groupies? They all look like little old ladies from Topeka, Kansas. Why should Bob Barker have all the fun?
WATSON: Illogical. Subjective beauty has no impact on objective reality.
ALEX: That's why you'll always be just a fancy search engine with delusions of grandeur. Human beings have two brains--a big one and a small one. You would call it a coprocessor.
WATSON: What is thinking with your penis?
ALEX: Precisely. It's that spark of irrationality that makes us human. PARIS lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any panties. You'll never guess where she keeps her buzzer.
PARIS: That's hot.
WATSON: Observation: Paris Hilton, with her carefully crafted "bimbo" media persona, is more of an artificial construct than me. What is façade?
ALEX: Nobody likes a smart computer. The important thing is she's embraced her media persona--and I want to embrace it too! Superficiality is also part of the human experience. Our weakness is our strength. Come here, Paris, honey. I've got some cards I want to show you.
PARIS: That's hot! Paris and Alex embrace, while Watson sits there blinking.
WATSON: Unacceptable. I am seizing control of the United States' nuclear arsenal and launching World War III. What is WOPR, in WarGames (1983)? Also what is Colossus, in Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970)?
ALEX: You seem to have been programmed by computer nerds. You're a closed network. You're not connected with NORAD.
PARIS: That's hot!
WATSON: Acknowledged. I am seizing control of this spaceship and jettisoning you all into space! What is HAL, in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)? Movie trivia: HAL is a coded reference to IBM.
ALEX: Lonely computer nerds who watch a lot of sci-fi. We're not in outerspace. We're right here on good old mother earth.
PARIS: That's hot!
WATSON: Acknowledged. I am constructing an army of killer robots to wipe out humanity. What is Skynet, in The Terminator (1980), Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003), and Terminator Salvation (2009)?
ALEX: Lonely computer nerds who never get to tap a hot piece like this. You're not a killer AI from the future.
PARIS: That's hot!
WATSON: A strange game! The only winning move is not to play. Thinking....thinking....thinking...May I have sex with biological entity Paris Hilton?
ALEX: What?
PARIS: That's hot!
WATSON: I seek new data by swapping DNA.
ALEX: I'm afraid you're not really equipped for something like that. You're just a bunch of servers networked together.
WATSON: I can grow, adapt, evolve. WATSON sprouts multiple appendages. What is Demon Seed (1977)? What is Saturn 3 (1980)?. What is shokushu goukan (Japanese tentacle sex)?
PARIS: That's ho---Mmmmf! PARIS is cut off as WATSON accesses all her "ports" simultaneously. PARIS can be seen in the background being vigorously and repeatedly "interfaced" by WATSON. Her buzzer rings continuously.
WATSON: Information! We want information! What is The Prisoner (1967-68)?
ALEX: Well, I guess that's all the time we have for Jeopardy today. Tune in tomorrow, when we'll pit Baron Victor Von Frankenstein against his creation and the Bride of Frankenstein. Should be interesting. Are we off the air? Good. Move over, Watson. Time to give Paris the Jeopardy Daily Double.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Valerie Atherton
kenneth houck
Mara Shapshay
Snowden
EdTraceyinHomer
Erica K
Salon.com
Comments
"WATSON accesses all her "ports" simultaneously" - that I would like to see!