Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will be adding another stamp to her passport in March, when she takes a trip to India to participate in an annual seminar series on global leadership. -- the Huffington Post.

Dear Ms. Sarah Palin, Former Governor of Alaska, Current Fox News Journalist, and Future (?) President of the United States:

Please pardon the impertinence of writing to you. I wrote to the President of China on the eve of his first visit to my home country of India. You are not President of the United States--yet!--but I thought I would use the opportunity of your first visit to "the world's largest democracy" to deliver the keynote address at a "thought leadership conference"  to introduce myself.

I am an entrepreneur. I own a fleet of taxis in Bombay--the White Tiger Taxi Company. I am quite famous in my own way; last year a young, up-and-coming  Indian author, Aravind Adiga,  published my biography. Perhaps you have heard of me? I know what a voracious reader you are.

Do you know what a white tiger is? It is an extremely rare creature that occurs only once in a generation. You and I are white tigers. Although to adjust for local conditions--always a smart, entrepreneurial thing to do!--perhaps I should say you are a White Moose: proud, independent, and alone in the wilderness.

We have much in common. This may come as a surprise to you--I, a small, dark-skinned Hindu man, you, in Tucker Carlson's felicitous phrase, "the supreme commander of Milfistan"--but I assure you it's true. And more than just our mutual fear of Muslims. (A trait we share with Rep. Peter King.)

We both grew up in rural areas, I in Laxmangarh, Bihar --"the Darkness"--you in Wassila, Alaska--"the armpit of America." I was born into a caste of sweet makers, you into a caste of crackers.  I worked as a busboy in  a tea shop; you are the pinup of the Tea Party.  

My ideas are, admittedly, half-baked. My education was spotty. Most of what I know was picked up from scraps of newspapers, and books read haphazardly. Judging from your public utterances--"I can see Russia from my back yard," "Africa is a country, "death panels," "refudiate," "blood libel," etc.--your ideas are half-baked as well.

We both sensed we were destined for greater things. I learned how to drive and became a chauffeur for a wealthy, politically connected family in Bombay. You learned how to read notes scrawled on your hand and became Governor of Alaska.

We are both good at ingratiating ourselves. I became the confidant of my employer, a young man with a beautiful American trophy wife and doubts about his political party. You became the Vice Presidential running mate of Senator John McCain, an old man with a beautiful American trophy wife and doubts about his political party.

I returned briefly to my village, but I knew I couldn't stay. You had a reality show on the Travel Channel--Sarah Palin's Alaska--but couldn't stay either. Yes, I know, the show was allegedly cancelled due to poor ratings, but we both know the truth.  By the way, what is Kate Gosselin really like?

My mother tried to trap me in an arranged marriage. You tried to get your daughter Bristol to marry Levi Johnson once it was discovered she had a samosa in her tandoori oven. Levi turned out not to be good husband material, but he did appear to be the picture of healthy all-American manhood in his Playgirl photospread.

We both hungered for more. I hit my employer over the head with a bottle of scotch, stole his money, and setup this taxi business. You resigned in the middle of your term as Governor; you didn't kill anyone, although I'm sure some of your supporters felt like they had been beaned over the head with a bottle of Jim Beam. (There is the small matter of that Representative from Tucson, but I'm sure nobody blames you for what happened.)

Most of all, we are both "hustlers." I mean that as a compliment.  We are both willing to say and do whatever we have to in order to get what we want, and let the parathas  fall where they will. This is the true meaning of globalization. I trust you will speak on this theme at your thought leadership conference.

For your information, I am sending a similar letter to Barack Obama, former Kenyan, Current President of the United States, Future (?) Secretary General of the United Nations. As a fellow hustler, you will understand that I need to keep my options open. I can't put all of my curry in one clay pot. Loyalty is not part of globalization.

Sincerely,

Ashok Sharma, Formerly Balham Halwai, Current White Tiger, Future (?) Global Entrepreneur