Dummy

Literary Ventriloquism At Its Finest!

Robert Brenner

Robert Brenner
Location
New York, New York, USA
Birthday
March 30
Bio
Robert Brenner is a humorist, critic, and ventriloquist. His work has been published in New York Magazine, the Huffington Post, Grin & Tonic, and Happy. He has been interviewed on LeMorningShow, the first Twitter talk show. He is a proud graduate of André Aciman’s Writers’ Institute at the Graduate Center at CUNY. He lives in New York City with his child bride and two (imaginary) cats. Email: rabrenner@prodigy.net

MY RECENT POSTS

Editor’s Pick
JULY 23, 2010 10:16AM

Bad Hair Day: The Unkindest Cuts From Iran

iran haircut

The photos, disseminated on Iran's semiofficial news sites, look ordinary enough: young men with short haircuts, some with 1950s style quiffs and a touch of gel on top. But these haircuts are not just a summer fashion. They are being promoted by Iran's Ministry of Culture and Islamic GuidanceRead full post »

birds 

Dear Friends:

The second part of Monster Mash-Ups was published in Grin & Tonic:

http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Grin-Tonic/Monster-Mash-Ups-II/ba-p/2860

 

  Read full post »

the fly

Dear Friends:

Another  one of my pieces was published in Grin & Tonic. You can read it here:

http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Grin-Tonic/Monster-Mash-Ups/ba-p/2859

 

 

  Read full post »

 cheech and chong

Hey, man, you got the stuff?

"Stuff," sir?

You know, man, the stuff.

What "stuff" are you talking about, sir?

You know, man—grass, pot, weed.

We don't have anything like that, sir. You might try the plant nursery down the street.

No, man, the stuff—rope, hemp, dope.

We don&rRead full post »

dr. jekyll 2  

Dear Friends:

Another one of my pieces was published in Grin & Tonic. You can read it here:

http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Grin-Tonic/The-Strange-Case-of-Dr-Lehman-and-Mr-Hudson/ba-p/2644

Thanks for your encouragement and support.

  Read full post »

drone

Moreover, the operators of [unmanned military] drones, often on the other side of the world, are far removed from the sight, sound and smell of the battlefield. They may make decisions to attack that a commander on the ground might not, treating warfare as a video game.

Ronald Arkin ofRead full post »

iron man 

...Novels Are Where The Superheroes Are

I am Uatu the Watcher. I am pledged never to interfere in human affairs, merely to observe. (Although I may have broken this vow once or twice in the pages of the Fantastic Four.)  I live on the dark side of the moon, inRead full post »

 moby dick

Dear Friends:

One of my pieces was published in Daniel Menaker's Grin & Tonic. You can read all five parts here: 

http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Grin-Tonic/Kill-the-Whale-Part-I/ba-p/2546

http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Grin-Tonic/Kill-the-Whale-Part-2/ba-p/25Read full post »

iron man 1    

...Novels Are Where The Superheroes Are 

I am Uatu the Watcher. I am pledged never to interfere in human affairs, merely to observe. (Although I may have broken this vow once or twice in the pages of the Fantastic Four.)  I live on the dark side of the moon,/Read full post »

kraken

Dear Friends:

Below is a transcript of my "appearance" on LeMorningShow today. LMS is a Twitter talk show associated with the Herald de Paris; several other OSers have appeared on it.

The transcript's in reverse chronological order, so you have to start at the end and read backwards toRead full post »

APRIL 19, 2010 8:59PM

Appearing On LeMorningShow

lemorningshow 

Dear Friends:

Just a brief note that I will be "appearing" on LeMorningShow Wednesday, April 21st, 9-11 AM EST. LeMorningShow is a Twitter talk show (!), so expect lots of meaningless ephemera. But it is associated with the Herald de Paris, so it's good exposure. 

To listRead full post »

iceland volcano

FROM: Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, Prime Minister, Iceland

TO:       José Manuel Barroso, President, European Union

RE:       Recent Volcanic Activity

Dear José:

How’s the weather over therRead full post »

risky business shower

[voiceover] The dream is always the same. Instead of going home, I go to the neighbors’. I ring, but nobody answers. The door is open, so I go inside. I’m looking around, but no one seems to be there. Then I hear the shower running. So I goRead full post »

angela merkel cleavage 

My fellow Deutschlanders, I have an important announcement to make.

As you know, the Greeks are up to their long, shapely necks in debt. They’ve been naughty boys and hid the size of their huge, throbbing deficit through some accounting hanky-panky. Now they want Germany to saveRead full post »

oedipus mother 

Oedipus, my lord, I've got some bad news for you.

I solved the riddle of the Sphinx, I'm king of Thebes, and my wife Jocasta is a smoking hot MILF. What could be wrong, Soothsayer?

It's the budget deficit, Oedipus. I'm afraid it's a bit larger than weRead full post »

MARCH 17, 2010 8:40PM

Dingdongs: Eric Massa's Wet Dream


eric massa

Doctor, I've got this reoccurring dream. 

I'm showering in the men's Congressional locker-room. I've just finished working out in the Congressional gym and feeling pretty good about myself. Bikini seasons coming, and I'm trying to lose a few pounds.

Suddenly Rahm Emanuel appears in the… Read full post »

dante's inferno  

“Inferno” is now a video game, with a brawny, armor-clad Dante as its protagonist…The game’s creators say there’s an audience for it. Their research showed that most people had heard of “Inferno” but few knew what it was about.

Read full post »

white ribbon 

INTRODUCTION: With the success of the movie "The White Ribbon," lots of tourists we hope will visit our small, isolated village nestled somewhere in der Fatherland. Here are some tips to make your visit more pleasant.

WHEN TO VISIT: The best time to visit is at the end ofRead full post »

logan's run poster 

“One of the problems is newspapers fired so many journalists and turned them loose to start so many blogs,” Mr. [Alan D.] Mutter [media consultant] said. “They should have executed them.  They wouldn’t have had competition. But they foolishly let them out al/Read full post »

tiger woods vanity fair 

silvio berlusconi bandaged 

 Scusami, is this Mr. Tiger Woods?

I'm not talking to the press. Speak to one of my representatives. How'd you get this number anyway? It's suppose to be unlisted.

I am not one of the accursed paparazzi, Mr. Woods. I am Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy. AsRead full post »

philip k. dick 

Suppose scientists could erase certain memories by tinkering with a single substance in the brain. Could make you forget a chronic fear, a traumatic loss, even a bad habit. Researchers in Brooklyn have recently accomplished comparable feats, with a single dose of an experimental drug [Z/Read full post »

JANUARY 28, 2010 8:57PM

Reboot: Spider-Man & Barack Obama

spider-man barack obama cover

Midnight. The Oval Office. President Barack Obama is laboring over his State of the Union address. Suddenly the Amazing Spider-Man swings in through the windows.

Spider-Man!

The one and only.

How'd you get in here?

Hey, if the Secret Service can’t keep out a couple ofRead full post »

JANUARY 27, 2010 2:46PM

Spider-Man Vs. Greed & Stupidity


spider-man torn costume 

Peter! Peter Parker!

Who's there? What do you want?

It's me, Peter—your Uncle Ben.

Uncle Ben? But you’re dead! You died in “Spider-Man 1!” And then again in “Spider-Man 3!”

I know, Peter. This is a dream sequence. I always appear to you times of greatRead full post »

JANUARY 15, 2010 3:23PM

Palin Vs. Obama, No Holds Barred

ric flair dusty rhodes

Good evening! This is your host, the Masked Mauler, fillin’ in for Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Tonight on A Professional Wrestler Looks At Politics, we've got a real slobberknocker for you—Sarah "The Barracuda " Palin versus Barack "The Chosen One" Obama for the U.S. heavyweight cha… Read full post »

lou dobbs 

sarah palin 

Hello, Sarah.

Hello, Lou.

I’m glad you agreed to meet with me in this secret, undisclosed location, far away from the prying eyes of the news media. Now we can talk in private, off-the-record.

Not a problem, Lou. I love being a plain ol’ soccer mom from WassilaRead full post »