Note: I gave up trying to take Newt Gingrich seriously enough to write satiric prose for, like Kissinger per Tom Lehrer, he's moving beyond being an object of satire. But I found a thesis and inspiration from that famous lyric celebrated by heavy drinkers.
By Robert S. Becker
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should this self-adoring crackpot,
Not by satire be enshrined?
We’ve fallen hard, to grisly bottom,
Underneath Perry, Bachmann, Cain –
Halfwit hayseeds spewing hokum –
Now worse – a cynical pimp urbane.
Yes, next to Romney, stilted, wary,
Newt’s a churning “idea machine;”
Playing bombastic clown contrary,
He taints “debate” with gab obscene.
Newt dismisses his crimes in arrears,
Touts the “historian,” Tiffany-rich;
Yet reprisal for his career of smears
Explodes as victims openly snitch.
Newt dumped both used-up wives,
Twin “family values” disgrace;
Yet full absolution he contrives,
Self-pardoned by self-anointed grace.
Driving this facile self-deception
Conversion to the Roman church:
What better feeds self-genuflection
Than “St. Newt,” risen, un-besmirched?
In his mind a legend, past and present,
Wielding God's infallible sword,
Newt's hubris locks on transcendence
Just install his throne near the Lord.
Join his holier-than-thou campaign,
The sinner with self-expiated sin,
Redemption past the material plane,
In case Jesus needs a stand-in twin.