Note: I gave up trying to take Newt Gingrich seriously enough to write satiric prose for, like Kissinger per Tom Lehrer, he's moving beyond being an object of satire.  But I found a thesis and inspiration from that famous lyric celebrated by heavy drinkers.  

By Robert S. Becker

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should this self-adoring crackpot,

Not by satire be enshrined?

We’ve fallen hard, to grisly bottom,

Underneath Perry, Bachmann, Cain –

Halfwit hayseeds spewing hokum –

Now worse – a cynical pimp urbane.

Yes, next to Romney, stilted, wary, 

Newt’s a churning “idea machine;”

Playing bombastic clown contrary,

He taints “debate” with gab obscene.

Newt dismisses his crimes in arrears,

Touts the “historian,” Tiffany-rich;

Yet reprisal for his career of smears

Explodes as victims openly snitch.

Newt dumped both used-up wives, 

Twin “family values” disgrace; 

Yet full absolution he contrives,

Self-pardoned by self-anointed grace.

Driving this facile self-deception

Conversion to the Roman church:

What better feeds self-genuflection

Than “St. Newt,” risen, un-besmirched?

In his mind a legend, past and present,

Wielding God's infallible sword,

Newt's hubris locks on transcendence

Just install his throne near the Lord.

Join his holier-than-thou campaign,

The sinner with self-expiated sin,

Redemption past the material plane,

In case Jesus needs a stand-in twin.