My Take

by Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish

Johnny Robish
Location
Malibu, California, USA
Birthday
October 01
Company
Rubbish In, Robish Out!
Bio
Johnny Robish is an actor, stand-up comic and joke/humor writer who lives in Malibu, California. Most recently, Johnny had a weekly humor column entitled “Kauai Komedy” in The Garden Island, Kauai’s main newspaper before moving back to Malibu. A committed writer, Johnny has often stated that “the only time I’m really happy is when I’m sitting in front of a typewriter. Unfortunately, there are no typewriters anymore, so I’m just miserable all the time.” A favorite at comedy clubs all over the western United States, Johnny’s humor has also been published in such diverse venues as the LA Times “Laugh Lines”, medical journals, trade publications, dozens of company newsletters, humor magazines and numerous internet sites such as The Malibu Patch, Curve Wire, Salon.com, AARP, DailyComedy.Com, FunnyFirm.Com, How Sick Is That? and Peter Bergman’s Radio Free OZ which also features TV’s John Goodman, Edie McClurg and Paul Krassner. Johnny has also written for road comics including Taylor Negron, Mel Kohl, Marti Schauer and Jere Evans.

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Two Women Arrested for Meth Lab in Church Kitchen:  Two Illinois women have been arrested for allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine inside the kitchen of a rural church.  Holy smoke, sounds like they must have been Crystal Methodists.  Religious scholars say that’s what can hap/Read full post »

Texas Family Finds Nearly Complete Mammoth Skeleton:  Scientists say a 20,000- to 40,000-year-old mammoth discovered by a North Texas family on their farm is believed to be a female because of the length of the tusks and its wide pelvic bones.  Wide pelvic bones?  Hell, it sounds more/Read full post »

Porn Star Holds Sex Marathon to Pay for Boob Implants:  A Québec porn star has agreed to host a "sex marathon” with 25 men in order to pay for her new breast implants. Now that’s probably the best example of “crowd funding” I’ve seen yet.

Porn Star 

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Guards Find Cell Phone Under Charles Manson’s Bunk:  California Department of Corrections officials announced that they have found a contraband cell phone under murderer Charles Manson’s bunk during a routine inspection of his prison cell.  I don’t see what’s the big/Read full post »

Defendant Worries His Horn Implants and 666 Tattoo May Negatively Impact Jury:  The lawyer for a Massachusetts man who has a “666″ tattoo, piercings and devil horns implanted into his forehead and nose believes that his appearance will make it impossible for him to find an impartial/Read full post »

 

Woman Admits Starting Fires to Help Bored Firefighter Friends: A 23-year-old has admitted to federal authorities that she started a wildfire on an Indian reservation in Oregon because her firefighter friends were bored and needed work.  All I can say is, its probably a good thing her frie/Read full post »

German Police Officer Faces Trail for Murder and Cannibalism:  A 56-year-old German police officer is set to go on trial, accused of murdering a willing victim he met on a website for cannibalism fetishists.  Well, the police motto is to “protect and serve” - and he was served w/Read full post »

Couples Who Share Housework Have More Sex:  A new study found that couples who share housework have the most sex and best sex lives.  I’m not so sure about that.  Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t do housework and even had a maid cleaning his house, yet he appears to have been g/Read full post »

Woman Sings Opera to Chase Away Lion Stalking Her:  A 40-year-old woman was hiking on a trial in Colorado when a mountain lion began relentlessly stalking her and wouldn’t go away despite what she did until she began singing opera songs as loud as she could.  Well, they say its never/Read full post »

Elderly Man Fights Gardener Who Won’t Cut His Weeds:  An elderly Florida man is facing felony battery charges after he allegedly attacked his gardener who refused to trim the weeds from his flower beds.  That’s no way to weed out the bad gardeners.  Police say the gardener/Read full post »

AUGUST 19, 2014 12:13AM

Human Health on Mars Mission Discussed

Human Health on Mars Mission Discussed:  Scientists warn that future astronauts spending time on the surface of Mars may face radiation exposure levels that could increase the risk of DNA damage, cardiac arrhythmia, reduced stability and performance, sensory impairments and demineralization of b/Read full post »

Woman Kicked in Head After Climbing Into Giraffe Enclosure:  A 24-year-old California woman has been fined $686 for harassment of zoo animals after climbing into the giraffe enclosure at the Madison, Wisconsin zoo and getting kicked in the face by a 12-foot-tall giraffe.  The woman told pol/Read full post »

 

Woman Arrested With 3.7 Pounds of Cocaine in Breast Implants:  A 43-year-old Venezuelan woman has been apprehended at Madrid International Airport with 3.7 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants.  After confronting the woman, police say it became obvious that she had something she/Read full post »

Woman Tries to Poison Witnesses Who Saw Her Have Sex With Dogs:  A woman who has admitted to having sex with her roommates' two German Shepherds also stands accused of attempting to poison them after they found out about it.  What’s really sad here is that one bad apple like this/Read full post »

 

Arizona Math Teacher Arrives Drunk to Class and Keeps Drinking:  An 57-year-old Arizona math teacher arrived drunk at her high school and then hit the bottle again in the classroom, where she yelled at her students before one of the pupils alerted administrators.  Students say they b/Read full post »

Pilot’s Prosthetic Arm Falls Off During Rough Landing:  A 46-year-old pilot flying a plane with 47 passengers aboard was landing at Belfast City Airport in gusty conditions when his lower left arm prosthetic became detached from its yoke clamp and he lost control - quickly realizing that t/Read full post »

Study Says Eyes Can Reveal Sexual Orientation:  A newly released study found that a person’s eyes can reveal sexual orientation based upon pupil dilation.  Really?  Well my pupils dilate every time I see a new Bugatti Veyron "Ettore Bugatti.  Wonder if that means I’m a/Read full post »

Ohio Farmers to Phase Out Tight Confinement:  Farmers in Ohio agreed to phase out tight confinement of livestock, underscoring the clout of the animal welfare movement.  One Ohio farmer argues “that ain’t tight confinement!  Tight confinement is watching your wife try and s/Read full post »

Tiny Tick Bite Forcing People to Become Vegetarians: Scientists say a tiny tick - known as the Lone Star tick - has bitten hundreds across Texas and the US, forcing everyone it bites to turn vegetarian by making them severely allergic to red meat.  This has Texas BBQ fans really ticked-off. /Read full post »

Florida Deputies Say 450-Pound Man Hid Pot Under Fat Rolls:  Florida deputies pulled over a 450-pound man for a seat-belt violation only to discover that the man was hiding a good stash marijuana underneath a huge roll of his stomach fat.  Guess you could accurately say this guy had one hel/Read full post »

Toddler Squeezes Through Fence Triggering White House Lockdown:  A toddler broke away from its parents and squeezed through the White House fence, triggering an alarm and sending the Secret Service into lockdown mode.  The Secret Service reportedy has transferred the baby to Gitmo for furthRead full post »

Baptist Leader Arrested for Soliciting Dog Sex:  A Missouri Baptist conference center is seeking a new CEO after its current leader was arrested while allegedly trying to arrange sex with a dog and an unnamed other animal on Craigslist.  And that folks, is why its so very important to monit/Read full post »

Library Worker Sentenced for Stealing Overdue Fines:  New York library worker Margo Reed, who admitted stealing more than $160,000 in overdue book fines, has been sentenced to six months in jail.  Impeding the investigation was the fact that because the crime was committed in a library, eve/Read full post »

Bieber Ringtone Saves Russian Fisherman From Bear Attack:  A 42-year-old Russian fisherman says he was walking toward a fishing spot when a brown bear attacked him from behind and that the only thing that prevented the bear from killing him was the fact that his ringtone of Justin Bieber’s/Read full post »

Owners Claim Giant Tortoise Found Strolling in LA Suburb:  Alhambra Police say it took two officers to capture a giant 150-pound tortoise that was found strolling down a street in suburban Los Angeles.  Obviously, this wasn’t exactly a high-speed chase.  Police initially tried to/Read full post »