Ive carried this too long:
I have to confess; I am a sexual pervert. So what, you say? So are you. Maybe. But I’m not talking about your typical, everyday perversions, like Threesomes or Bestiality or sadomasochism or the usual stuff like that. No; I’m talking some really way out stuff, stuff like:
Tongue Lashing: I do it … a lot! And while I am usually a firm believer in, “Never shit where you eat” (meaning never mess with the help), when it comes to tongue lashing I toss that rule aside. My favorite place to do it is at work … with any and all employees. That’s when it’s the most fun … with employees; that, and ball busting. I get a real kick from it (another perversion).
Ball Busting (tongue lashing with pain): Originated in NJ, this too is an employee perversion, and one I take great pride in. But I’ve ball busted in many other locations as well … bars, locker rooms, club meetings … and I do it with men and women, alike. There is no limit to what I might say, then follow with, “Hey I’m just bust’n your balls.” Then I pray they get it.
Ass Kissing: I’m not really into this one. But many of my employees are; a lot of other people I know, too. And some are quite good at it. But here’s a hint: this is a subtle perversion. If a recipient knows it is happening, then you’re doing it wrong. Faked sincerity is the orgasm of kissing ass.
Ass Kicking: Virtually the opposite of ass-kissing. I used to love this one, but I’m too old now. This perversion requires dexterity and mucho booze. I no longer have the dexterity. But it can still be a good motivational tool … kind of like foreplay … and a little like S&M, if you get my drift (all you Sers).
Bull Shitting: This perversion began in cowboy times … sitting around, watching bulls defecate. As the bulls did their business, the cowboys would comment and cheer and even wager as to which bull’s defecation was a) the biggest, or b) the smelliest or c) the firmest (“c” had to be personally judged). In time, the conversation became more exciting than the event itself, and thus, modern day bullshitting was born. I consider this one of my most skilled perversions.
Shit Kicking: This one evolved out of the original Bull Shitting … and was a way for the cowboys to assess firmness. Cowboys would hang around all day, every now and then testing the firmness of the bullshitting by kicking it. They scored each kick, 1 to 10, and then betting on the degree of firmness with the next kick. Today, it simply means, hanging out.
Hanging Out: Not to be confused with Shit Kicking, this is another fave of mine, but illegal in most states. So I only do it in the privacy of my own home … with another consenting adult … preferably female … where we “let it all hang out” in our underwear. This is great fun!
Mind Fucking: My favorite perversion of all … and what I am doing right now … with you.