MARCH 3, 2012 1:05AM

Mitt Romney Wins Coveted Ted Nugent Endorsement.

Rate: 13 Flag

Today was a banner day for Mitt Romney's presidential hopes as he won the highly coveted endorsement of mediocre rocker Ted Nugent.  Romney jumped on the Nugent bandwagon after he was bitterly disappointed when devoted Libertarian Charles Manson bailed on him and went with Ron Paul.

Mitt Romney never planned on this.

As willing as Mitt Romney is to say or do anything to convince tea party conservatives that he's "one of them," I'm surprised that even he would seek and accept the endorsement of the incredibly annoying and uninteresting Nugent.

I realize that desperate times call for desperate measures and although Mr. Romney will likely receive the GOP presidential nomination, it's become increasingly clear that people just don’t like him.  But he needs friends, so he'll take them wherever he can get them.  (There are unconfirmed reports that Mr. Romney recently met with former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, in the men’s room at an undisclosed Applebee’s, with the hopes of securing his backing).  

Mitt Romney's like that kid in high school that nobody could stand, but you'd hang out with him anyway because he had a bag of weed, a full tank of gas, and a low self-esteem sister who was willing to put out if you were nice to her dorky brother.

So on Friday, March 2, 2012, the normally pensive and reflective Mr. Nugent "Tweeted" the following:  "after a long heart & soul conversation with Mitt Romney today I concluded this good man will properly represent we the people & I endorsed him." 

Mitt Romney had "a long heart & soul conversation" with Ted Nugent?  I'd love to hear a recording of that call. 

Nugent:  Mitt, did you ever lean against a pine tree, on a cool Michigan North Country morning, with the erotic smell of doe urine wafting through the air, your zipper about to burst with anticipation as you wait to take a shot at a ten-point buck, who was put there by God for you to kill?

Romney:  Well Fred, not as often as I’d like, but I’m good friends with some lumber barons that own over a million acres of prime forest land in the North Country… and there was the time when one of our footmen was sick and I was forced into mouse trapping duty.

Will Mitt Romney be prepared to answer a question like this, from David Gregory?

"Governor Romney, you sought and won the endorsement of Ted Nugent, who recently lifted up a machine gun at one of his concerts and said, ‘Obama, he's a piece of shit.  I told him to suck on my machine gun. When I was in New York I said, 'Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset you worthless bitch.’  Do these remarks come from the type of person that you want as a surrogate for your campaign?" 

Of course Romney’s prepared.

“Well David, I will create jobs, eliminate Obama’s massive deficits, cut taxes, and move the White House to Salt Lake City.”

Consider the outrage on the right when Chicago minister Jeremiah Wright said that "blacks shouldn't sing God Bless America.  They should sing God Damn America."  Comments like that, certainly not conducive to attracting voters of any stripe, forced then-candidate Barack Obama to renounce his long-time minister.

What if Jeremiah Wright had held up a machine gun in his church and said, "I told George W. Bush to suck on this."  We would have seen a shit storm of biblical proportions.  Sean Hannity would have had a permanent  boner at the thought of playing that tape on an endless, 24/7 loop.  But when the double-digit IQ Hannity was asked to disavow his friend Nugent's remarks he said, "No, I like Ted Nugent.  He's a friend of mine." 

Did the squeaky-clean Mitt Romney’s people even vet Ted Nugent?  Do they know that he hasn’t had a Top 50 album since the 1980 release of “Scream Dream?” Do they know that he’s had two wives and eight children, including three out of wedlock?  Do they know that he wanted to marry his seventeen year old girlfriend, when he was thirty, but he couldn’t legally pull it off… so instead he became her legal guardian?  Romney’s ancestors wouldn’t have had a problem with that, but Mitt's a one-woman man.

Since Ted Nugent is less influential in GOP politics than Tim Pawlenty on a bad day, chances are this will be ancient news by tomorrow... okay it probably already is ancient news.

But nevertheless I'm amazed that Mitt Romney would risk alienating the voters who believe that Ted Nugent's ultra-violent rhetoric and imagery, along with his pedestrian guitar riffs, have no place in rational political discourse.

Hopefully that's a larger number than the group that loves the psychotic, and possibly criminal rants of the second-rate Eddie Van Halen wannabe.

But Mitt Romney, whether he meant to or not, has aligned himself with those folks and if he tries to forget that inconvenient fact, he'll have President Obama there to gently remind him. 

Call me crazy but I think I see a flip-flop coming.

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My God! Nugent? Is he still alive after all that meth? Thanks for this insight into political desperation and self destruction. Well done.
Fun blog! Mitt's asking for $3 from everybody - I didn't know it was a Telethon. I've got 50 cents if he wants it! R
I love your imaginary conversation between Nugent and Romney...I bet that's exactly how it happened.
It does have a nice "Variety"-like ring to it: "Massachusetts Mitt Meets Motor City Madman, Minds Match"
"Well, Fred . . ." Loved that.
Thanks everyone. I guess Romney has the Cat Scratch Fever.
Who is Ted Nugent? Romney was the kid with a bag of weed in high school?
Romney is using Kid Rock's "Born Free" as his theme song. Obviously not a one band man.
Up there did you guys ever do a finger in the air and say "Sizzle"?
If not, then I'll be direct- Gotchu! Romney is trying to pull in the far, far, far right wingers. He's feelin' less sure of himself and his party as the days wind up to his formal election.
Great Fun! Obvious Secretary of Defense material....
Maybe Mitt will catch cat-scratch fever, and Teddy-Boy will have to throw his weight behind Righteous Rick Sanatorium.
Your really on top your game here. the TN image works so wonderfully here.
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With both Ted and Donald Trump in his corner, Mitt can't lose.