*knock, knock*

Me: Yes? 

Tweeny: Moooooom, hi. Whaddyadoin?

Me: I’m knitting a sweater. 

Tweeny: IN THE SHOWER?

*knock, knock*

Dude: MOM! I want to watch Netflix! 

Me: No TV today. 

Tweeny: Can I shave my legs? 

&… Read full post »

  All my life I have sought adventure through strange occurrences clandestine to all but me. Perhaps I was born under some transcendental gypsy sky or bit by some rare rambling bug early on in life; nevertheless, I have always been an eager and willing traveller. 

I/… Read full post »

The final Harry Potter movie comes out tonight, so I figured I'd offer my two cents. Before I began reading the Harry Potter series, I was damned-near illiterate. I now have a BA in English. 

When J.K. Rowling’s world of Harry Potter collided with the world of Barnes and/… Read full post »

Here's my Wed. night (late) fiction. It's a story from the point of view of an object. 

“Hi there. How are we today?”

“Do you mean ‘we’ in the royal sense or the you-and-I collective, because the former is ridiculous whereas the latter isn’t very… Read full post »

Outside the world was parched. The back acres waved and buckled like corpses. The morning air crept into the kitchen window sluggishly. Lainey wiped her swollen and stung hands on her apron. The children played quietly in wait for their grandfather to show signs of life from the bedroom above. … Read full post »

An employee of Norton Penitentiary was recently grounded on assault charges. He is being held in his room until  all accounts are verified. 

Records show that a Julian P. Whiner, of Spokane, Wash, was involved in an altercation with one of the inmates, Django Tango. Tango, a t… Read full post »

All I know about love, romance and dating I’ve learned from my nine year-old. 

The night before Valentine’s Day, Magnolia wanted to get prepared. She wanted to pick out some “fashionable” clothes, accessories, and makeup. While polishing our nails with &l/… Read full post »

The time has come once again in our year for inadequacy to plant seeds into the minds of every human with a television. My husband and I are no exceptions to this season, better known as “the diet season.” 

The diet season arises out of desperation around New Year’s/… Read full post »

Busticate is the dictionary word of the day. I feel like I have busticated. Busticated? Is that the proper form of the word? It means falling into pieces. Sometimes, that’s me. I feel like I’ve been busticating for years.

During pregnancy, I busticated over everything. I busticated… Read full post »

I’m not openly one to rant, but I have heard all that I can handle about BP. Everyone hates BP. Yes, we have acknowledged that the spill in the Gulf is something that will alter the course of our existence for many, many years. This plight is even worse for those… Read full post »

Here is to all of us work-in-progress mothers out there. Out of all the wombs in the world, our were considered the least likely to become occupied.We are the women that aren’t predisposed with the Soccer-mom gene. Other people’s children can make us cringe. We live for socializing with o… Read full post »

My semester was ludicrous. I took 18 credits and worked as a teacher for the Writing lab on Fridays. When my husband was employed, he was on a boat in the Gulf. Grades aren't in yet, but I'm hoping I did well. In one class we had writing exercises that my… Read full post »

"Just like this?" I asked.

"Yes, just lather it on. Feel the smooth creaminess all over" she cooed.

I wasn't entirely sure how well it would go.  Staring at the assortment of things that could be perceived as weapons, I felt a little bit awkward. Spatulas. Saran wrap. Duct tape.… Read full post »

It’s that time again, folks! Are you ready? That glorious time in the year when people wake up at three o’clock in the morning so that they can save a little cash on gifts! For you! And not just any gifts, gifts given with love and joy and/… Read full post »

Happy turkey, tofurkey, turducken day!

This is the turkey and cranberry sammich from last years Turkey-day post, enjoy!

As an avid cynic of all holidays, I have been particularly chipper this season. The thrill of the slaughter and burning flesh has been enticing me like none other. It's all of the… Read full post »

When I heard the sirens in early July, I didn't think much of it. Just some trouble makers out on another steamy night in Northwest Florida. The next day, I read in the papers there was a double homicide three miles from my house.  The Billings murders gave me a glimpse… Read full post »

Warning: This blog's writer may contain the flu. Though this virus is NOT virtually contagious, you may develop symptoms just by reading about it.

The college that I am currently taking classes has just been notified that there are three cases of this flu. No one has gotten overly sick, and most… Read full post »

So I went to my first day of class and within the first class I had managed to completely and utterly humiliate myself. During free write, our creative writing professor wanted to focus on non-fiction and the prompt was, "what are you doing here?" Where everyone wrote about how much they… Read full post »

Shopping can be a very volatile experience. It can go really well, and then BANG! A little muffin top here, a little pooch here can turn your day of shopping into a nightmare. Today was no different. I needed jeans. For the last few weeks my legs have been drowning in… Read full post »

Hulooo! I'm back! I have emerged from the pull and wrench of theatre costuming and the rigors of an amazing yet all too entirely stressful trip up to Washington. Whew! I must admit I have been drained. In preparation for the trip, I had started to wonder what I was going… Read full post »

Note: In order to move forward with our story, we must first take a few steps back and describe the hours leading up when I met Ivy. I apologize for the length but if it weren't for this series of event, I would not be the woman I am today. Don't worry, though.… Read full post »