An employee of Norton Penitentiary was recently grounded on assault charges. He is being held in his room until  all accounts are verified. 

Records show that a Julian P. Whiner, of Spokane, Wash, was involved in an altercation with one of the inmates, Django Tango. Tango, a tri-pedal bird dog, is in stable condition and will undergo a psychological damage assessment in the upcoming days. 

A coworker, Magnolia M. Tweeny, who witnessed the incident said that Whiner, a five-year employee at the facility, was in an agitated state over not being aloud to watch Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. “Then he got all kung foo-ey and kicked the couch,” the Tweeny said, “and he started waa-waa-waaa-ing, and I wanted to get him a waaaambulence, and then I was all, ‘Don’t kick things,’ and he was all, ‘shut your face’ and then he kicked the dog.”

Supervisors were called in immediately, forcing a lockdown of the facility. Television and video games are no longer permitted on the premisses. 

In a brief statement earlier, the Norton Penitentiary warden said she was saddened by the incident. "It's a blemish on our good name," she said. "My heart goes out to the victim's family."

The warden did not say whether the assailant would be brought up on hate crimes charges, though it is believed that Whiner will be brought up on first-degree assault assault charges. Whiner carries a lengthy crime record involving malicious mischief, second-degree annoyance as well as 33 counts of public tantrums.

“This incident adds unnecessary stress to our facility as of late," the warden adds, "and we are looking to make sure these kinds of situations will not occur again.” She also noted that the surveillance will be doubled and the formal charges will be issued once the defendant’s father gets home. 

Whiner, who was grounded for the night, did not partake in the nightly puzzle or receive a bedtime story. Reports could not confirm if corporal punishment was implemented. 

“I saw it coming,” noted Tweeny, a nine-year employee. “He was bad news the minute I first saw him. He picks his boogers and farts aaaalll the time. I hope he gets the time-out chair.” 

News on further action will be given as the investigation continues.