*knock, knock*

Me: Yes? 

Tweeny: Moooooom, hi. Whaddyadoin?

Me: I’m knitting a sweater. 

Tweeny: IN THE SHOWER?

*knock, knock*

Dude: MOM! I want to watch Netflix! 

Me: No TV today. 

Tweeny: Can I shave my legs? 

Dude: But, MOoooOM! 

Me: No, squared. 

*slam*

Tweeny: But my legs! They are sooo hairy! I need to-

*knock, knock* 

Dude: MOM!!MOM! MOM!MO!MOMOMMOMOMO!

Me: WHat! 

Dude: Angry Birds? 

Me: NO! 

*slam*

Tweeny: Mom, if I don’t shave my legs than I will never wear shorts again. 

Dude (sans knock): Stupid Zombies? 

Me: NO!

Tweeny: Mom, you don’t understand. Shaving my legs would make me a better person-

Dude: Pocket Tanks?

Me: Dude, I’m done with your questions. Go to bed. 

Tweeny: But it’s still light out!

Me: I don’t care!

Dude: But I haven’t had breakfast yet!

Tweeny: I really feel that you are being a little too harsh, lady. What’s next? 

*SLAM*

Me: For you? I’m thinking you should clean the kitty litter. 

Tweeny: Would that be before or after I shave my legs? 

Me: AAAAHRGH! 

Tweeny: Relax, Mom, you’ll blow a gasket. It was just a question. 

Me: No....shampoo....eyes.....tweens.....stupid zom--

*knock, knock* 

Hubby: Hey, hon, I’m going to the store. 

Me: for what??!

Hubby: Pants. 

*scratch, scratch*

Dude: I’m gonna flush....

Me: NO! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GO--

*scratch, scratch*

Hubby: Where’s my hair gel? 

Tweeny: Dad, you’ll let me shave my legs, right?

*scratch, scratch*

Hubby: I’m out. The dog’s wanting in. 

Me: Sure, let the dog in the bathroom, and while your at it, just let the cat in, too. 

Tweeny: Okay (heehee).

Me: NOT IN THE SHOWER!!!!

Dude: Oh, MOM! I’m gonna fluuuuuush. 

Me: NO! 

Dude: Angry Birds? 

Tweeny: So when do you know when you are starting your period, Mom? 

Dude: The dog rolled. He smells like poo. He needs a shower right--

Me: DON”T YOU DARE! OUT OF THE BATHROOM ALL OF YOU!!!!!

*grumble, grumble*

**SLAM!**

*knock, knock*

Tweeny: It’s okay it’s just me, Mom. I’m not starting my period, aren’t you glad?

Me: Excessively. 

Tweeny: Soooooo...

Me: WHAT! 

Tweeny: Can I shave? 

Me: All right. Stick your leg in here and I’ll do it. This way you won’t bleed out all over the floor when I cut you.

Tweeny: Um, I think I’ve changed my mind. Thanks though!

*SLAM*

(Silence.) 

Me: HELLLO? 

(Silence.)

Me: Anyone? 

(Silence.) 

Me: Can somebody bring me a towel?!

(Silence.) 

Photo Credit: http://chztotsandgiggles.files.wordpress.com (Icanhascheesburger.com)