I guess discretion is not one of my strong suits. Yep, it's definitely not. I'm moderately outspoken, and I would hope that my children are as well. But, that stupid discretion keeps getting in the way. Maybe it's due to the relocation to said region. In the south there is slightly… Read full post »

Bettie, will miss you. Bettie Page. Yes, she was always a good girl and seemingly innocent even in a pair of 6 inch leather heels and a whip between her teeth. She molded what we thought about sex. The pinup icon brought smut to a whole new level. It wasn't just… Read full post »

“So when do you experience the most pain?” The Doc asked.

“Well, When I write, type, lift weights, pushups, juggle tangerines, pickup kiddos, tie shoes, garden, 'flick the bean' if you know what I'm saying, pretty much anything that involves my wrist, and then it goes numb.” I… Read full post »

 

Julian has been crying since he turned two. We counted down to his birthday, to the minute and when he woke up, he started crying and it feels like he hasn't stopped.  That is, with the exception of his time with Yo Gabba Gabba. It's just completely unfair./…

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I gained ten pounds last night. Didn't take much. I gained TEN POUNDS!... in loot. Hell, yeah, we worked the beads last night. There are many tricks of the trade used for maximum bead snaggin‘. Having a posse is one of them. To my right, we have 'Sweet Cheeks'. Isn't… Read full post »

Saturdays are garden days. Just one of the perks we get from living in the deep south. My parents are watching the snow fall in rural Alaska, and I'm here in the sun. Last Saturday was no exception. With the boom box blaring, Magnolia my 7 year old. and Jules, the… Read full post »

Wal-Mart is the devil. It sucks. It has everything you could ever need and it's cheaper than anywhere else. It's the only place that you can buy bunk beds, sports bras, and frozen pizza at the same time. But it is truly miserable. It's not worth the trauma, and when I… Read full post »

"lalalala, oh  Gabba*hic* Gabba*hic* Tooties freeking *hic*happy*!" Jules is singing a little too loud for the car, but it doesn't really matter."Faster, Daddy!Faster!"

I have a song in my head, too. I'm making it up. It goes, "bad mom! gosh golly your a shitty mom". It's kind of sing-songy. Un… Read full post »

Magnolia is a puker. She has been since the day she was born, or rather before she was born. During my pregnancy with her, I spent the majority of my day running to or from the bathroom. I had just been hired at the Grateful Bread, a bakery and by just… Read full post »

Flour. Copious quantities of flour. Everywhere, with a tube of toothpaste mixed in. And some windex. That is what happens when you enjoy the silence for too long. And the term "long" is only established by the situation. Two minutes for the kitchen, fifteen seconds for the bathroom, until the screami… Read full post »

This is my first attempt at serial writing, inspired by none other that Michael Rodgers. This story is true, to the best of my knowledge, but there were a lot of drugs involved, so I'm not too sure. The fake names have been changed as well. Helpful editing suggestions are always… Read full post »

Note: In order to move forward with our story, we must first take a few steps back and describe the hours leading up when I met Ivy. I apologize for the length but if it weren't for this series of event, I would not be the woman I am today. Don't worry, though.… Read full post »

There is a new form of divination
Better than tea leaves
All it takes
Is throwing a pair of overalls in the dryer
Then
In some strange form
Of cosmic morse code
Your destiny
Will be revealed.......

There is a new form of yoga
Yoga in denim
It's known far and wide
Take a deep breath, little prayer
Exhale, forwa… Read full post »

Two year olds are by nature dirty, filthy creatures. It's not hereditary, it's instinct, to look and smell like their surroundings. It might be different deep within the urban womb, but I'm sure with enough creativity, it's managed quite successfully. You can buy them copious amounts of toys, action… Read full post »

"I'm tired of talking about me, what about you?" Innocently she flutters her eyes and steers the conversation as she dismantles the feta on pita sandwich on her paper plate. The Greek man at the counter eyes the feta, knowing that he'll only be throwing it away, resents putting out the… Read full post »

Fate can blow me.

Sometimes you just can't have it your way. Life isn't Burger King. There is no amount of preparing, planning or or praying that can make the ride any easier either. There are some of those afternoon days or weekends when the one thing you desperately want… Read full post »

Look there! In the shrubs! Is it a bear? Is it a sloth? NO! It's the Renegade Gardener! Here to battle the tyranny of the Axis of Eden! She could find a lost shoe in an acre of scrub in twenty-five minutes flat. Diligent and industrious, there was nothing that would… Read full post »

A drunk turkey is a happy turkey ( or heathens unite!)

Happy turkey, tofurkey, turducken day.
As an avid cynic of all holidays, I have been particularly chipper this season. The thrill of the slaughter and burning flesh has been enticing me like none other. It's all of the anticipation… Read full post »

I’m only as happy as my boobs.

It is a well known fact the the shape of your breasts generally reflect the kind of day you are having. Now, it's a lot easier to read a gal with a huge rack than a chick with raisins for tits. But there… Read full post »

When I heard the sirens in early July, I didn't think much of it. Just some trouble makers out on another steamy night in Northwest Florida. The next day, I read in the papers there was a double homicide three miles from my house.  The Billings murders gave me a glimpse… Read full post »

Crisp morning breathes

Blades and sweet dew lap bare flesh

Quivering contours.

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I'm turning over a new. leaf. Trying to avoid the powerful gestalts of writing and taking on a more consistent approach. Small little efforts in honing a new joy. The dictionary work of the day is etiolate. As Muntastic, as I like to call her has done in the past, I'm… Read full post »

Hulooo! I'm back! I have emerged from the pull and wrench of theatre costuming and the rigors of an amazing yet all too entirely stressful trip up to Washington. Whew! I must admit I have been drained. In preparation for the trip, I had started to wonder what I was going… Read full post »

So I went to my first day of class and within the first class I had managed to completely and utterly humiliate myself. During free write, our creative writing professor wanted to focus on non-fiction and the prompt was, "what are you doing here?" Where everyone wrote about how much they… Read full post »