rosalind warren

rosalind warren
Birthday
January 01
Bio
I am a mild-mannered librarian. My work appears in The Funny Times, The Humor Times, The Christian Science Monitor, Good Housekeeping and Beatniks From Space. Visit my website: www.rosalindwarren.com

MY RECENT POSTS

MY RECENT COMMENTS

Rosalind warren's Links

MY LINKS
JUNE 11, 2013 3:17PM

Would YOU Name Your Dog Voldemort?

Canine Names Inspired by Literature (from “The Giant Book of Dog Names”)

Auntie Em 

Bandersnatch

Bloomsbury

Boo Radley

Byron

Chekhov

Dr. Watson

Galsworthy

Gatsby

Gunga Din

Hemingway

Ibsen

Jeeves

Kafka

Kilimanjaro

Mrs. Danvers

Nietzsche… Read full post »
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MAY 29, 2013 9:48AM

A Mother Fights To Save Her Daughter's Life



If Cystic Fibrosis (CF) is wiped out in our lifetime,  Liza Kramer will have had something to do with it. Kramer has been working toward a cure since her daughter Emily was diagnosed with the disease at 6 weeks.    

CF is a progressive genetic disease primarily… Read full post »
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MAY 18, 2013 8:03AM

Congratulations On Your New Diagnosis!

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW DIAGNOSIS! (GREETING CARDS FOR PEOPLE WITH MENTAL PROBLEMS)

Happy birthday to you and all of your personalities. 

Hope The Folks Who Are Out To Get You Fail.

Deepest Sympathy for the Loss of your Imaginary Friend. 

Happy Anniversary to you and the Cuisinart… Read full post »
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MAY 7, 2013 10:54AM

It's A Different World When You Walk With A Cane

Bat Masterson! Fred Astaire! Both were debonair dudes with canes I remember fondly from my (black and white) TV-watching youth. Fred’s movies were often featured on those ubiquitous “Classic Movie of the Day” shows.  “Bat Masterson” was a prime time hit from 1958 -… Read full post »
1 Comments
APRIL 25, 2013 9:34AM

Advice To Ignore From "Life's Little Instruction Book"

Chop Your Own Firewood And Learn to Juggle:  Advice I’m Going to Ignore From The Latest Edition of “Life’s Little Instruction Book.“ 

“Life’s Little Instruction Book,” first published in 1991 as a collection of   advice from H. Jackson Brown,… Read full post »
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APRIL 1, 2013 10:52AM

He Wants Me Naked When I Fling The Front Door Open!

HE WANTS ME NAKED WHEN I FLING THE FRONT DOOR OPEN: JOAN PRICE’S “AGELESS EROTICA.” 

If you want a glimpse into the erotic imaginations of sex writers who‘ve been around the block a few times, pick up a copy of  “Ageless Erotica”  a new collection o… Read full post »
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MARCH 16, 2013 6:22PM

Confessions of a Cursing Librarian


I recently strained a tendon in my foot, which made walking extremely  painful. My podiatrist suggested a cortisone shot.   

“This will hurt,“ he warned, as he angled a gigantic needle toward my foot, “but I think it might alleviate the problem.“   … Read full post »
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MARCH 11, 2013 9:36PM

Dog Blog

THEY DON’T CALL! THEY DON’T WRITE! BUT AT LEAST THEY HAVE A DOG BLOG

“I spent the best years of my life raising you, and now that you’ve grown, I never hear from you.” 

Sound familiar? That’s the “Mom’s Lament.” Mothers have been kvetching… Read full post »
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MARCH 7, 2013 11:12AM

Laughing and Looking for Love



“Sexually, I’m More of a Switzerland” is the second collection of personal  ads from the London Review of Books, and a more entertaining series of outrageous little paragraphs you will never encounter. 

Culled by editor David Rose from among that weekly’s more ord… Read full post »
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MARCH 2, 2013 11:07PM

Miss Downton Abbey? Try Fay Weldon's "Habits of the House"



Let’s face it: you’re addicted. You can’t live without it. When you’re not actually enjoying it, you’re longing to savor it again. You’d be ashamed to admit how many waking moments you’ve devoted to obsessing about it. 

I’m not talking about dru… Read full post »
1 Comments
FEBRUARY 24, 2013 9:14AM

10 Streisand Factoids from the book "Hello Gorgeous"

 Ten Things I Learned About Streisand From the Book "Hello Gorgeous: Becoming Barbra Streisand." 
 
Streisand was a smoker by the time she was 10. She taught her mother to smoke. 

She has tinnitus (ringing ears).

She once had an affair with Tommy Smothers. 

Liberace was a… Read full post »
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FEBRUARY 2, 2013 9:33AM

10 Things I Learned Reading "Heads In Beds"

Ten Things I Learned Reading “Heads in Beds“ A Tell-All Memoir About Working In Elite Hotels   

If you don’t tip the bellman who carries your bags to your room, something nasty could wind up on your toothbrush during your stay.

There is always a better room. 

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DECEMBER 22, 2012 11:17AM

15 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT PENNY MARSHALL FROM HER NEW MEMOIR

FIFTEEN THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT PENNY MARSHALL FROM HER NEW MEMOIR “MY MOTHER WAS NUTS.”

As a child, Penny Marshall danced on “The Jackie Gleason Show.”

June Taylor told Marshall that she had the potential to become a June Taylor dancer if she took ballet. But she didn’… Read full post »
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NOVEMBER 15, 2012 8:11AM

IT'S TOUGH TO LOVE A SMOKER

Mark was a smoker when we met, eighteen years ago, and he’s smoked ever since. I wish he didn’t, but I can’t convince him to stop.     

The first boy I ever fell for, at seventeen, was also a smoker. It went along with his scruffy, adorable “bad boy”… Read full post »
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OCTOBER 23, 2012 6:03AM

Selling A Wedding Ring

I somehow ended up with my father’s second wife’s wedding ring. Although it could actually be his third wife’s wedding ring. All I know for sure is that the delicate, hand-crafted gold ring was among Dad’s possessions when he died. Sorting through his things, I recognized it.… Read full post »
1 Comments
OCTOBER 11, 2012 10:32AM

You're Gay? I'm Not Surprised. But Thanks for Telling Me!

When I was young, my mother told me that J. Edgar Hoover was a homosexual. I don’t remember exactly when or why she shared this tidbit   with me. This was, after all, fifty years ago. But Mom wasn’t a homophobe, so I’m guessing that what intrigued her about Hoover’s sexua… Read full post »
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OCTOBER 5, 2012 8:34AM

Nina Paley: Animator, Cartoonist and Copyright Abolitionist

Kicked to the curb by a beloved husband, many women might turn off the phone, grab the Haagen-Daz and crawl under the covers. But Nina Paley channeled her own sorrow and rage into a gloriously unique, hilarious and tragic animated musical feature film -- “Sita Sings The Blues.” Subtitled… Read full post »
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SEPTEMBER 2, 2012 9:13PM

My Son Married a Republican!

During the run-up to the 1960 Presidential election, I remember walking home from kindergarten with my friends, chanting: “Nixon’s in the White House, waiting to be elected, Kennedy’s in the garbage can, waiting to be collected.”

When I got home and proudly recited this verse… Read full post »
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AUGUST 30, 2012 9:52PM

If This Is Eileen Fisher, I Must Be Extra Small

I just got my spiffy new “Bad Girls” T-shirt in the mail. It’s a Large and it fits me perfectly.  The funny thing is that when I shop at my local Eileen Fisher store, I’m an Extra Small. Not just Small, mind you. Extra Small.  

When I look in… Read full post »
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AUGUST 27, 2012 7:22AM

This Is My Quest, To Follow That Star

Some people love adventure travel. Others seek luxury and comfort. There are globetrotters who head off to a new destination each time, and folks who always return to one much-loved place.  My nephew Isaac travels to wherever his favorite soccer team is playing, which has brought him to the unli… Read full post »
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AUGUST 13, 2012 9:00AM

Greener Than Thou: Saving The Earth, One Smackdown At A Time

Terry reaches over and shuts off the water as his wife brushes her teeth. “You don’t need to run the water when the toothbrush is in your mouth,” he chides. “You’re wasting a valuable resource.”

“Our marriage is a valuable resource too,” Deb responds.… Read full post »
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AUGUST 9, 2012 3:30PM

RANDOM ACTS OF EXCRUCIATING ANNOYANCE

“I hate people who use the automatic door opener when they don’t need to,” my co-worker Sara said recently.  
I always use the automatic door opener!  I used to struggle to open the heavy doors to the library where I work. Then they were replaced with… Read full post »
9 Comments
AUGUST 3, 2012 10:09AM

I Hate Everybody.. Starting With Me: A Shocking Book Review

Joan Rivers is a woman whose comfort zone is being outrageous.  What book reviewer in her fifties wouldn’t find that at least a little bit appealing? If you grew up in the middle of the last century, you were socialized to be nice, to be kind, to be supportive, and above… Read full post »
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JULY 24, 2012 2:04PM

Bert & Ernie: The Pre Nup

By Roz Warren and Janet Golden

Now that President Obama has endorsed gay marriage, it will soon become legal everywhere in America, including, of course, Sesame Street, which means Bert and Ernie can finally tie the knot! Their just signed pre-nup was leaked to us by a Muppet  whose identity… Read full post »
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Editor’s Pick
JULY 22, 2012 9:20PM

If You Are What You Eat, Then I Am A Cheerio

I know what I’m having for breakfast tomorrow.  Exactly what I had for breakfast today. When my baby teeth first grew in,  Mom began feeding me Cheerios, and I’ve breakfasted upon them daily ever since. In my 50+ years of life, I’ve gobbled billions. “CheeriOats,&r… Read full post »
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