Welcome to my eulogy.
Everybody dies sooner or later. I’m guessing I will be one of the sooner ones.
I’ve always detested most eulogies. They never seemed to match what the person REALLY was like and how they TRULY thought. I’m going to keep that from happening to me. That’s why I decided to start writing down my thoughts, feeling and random comments over the next months.
You see, last May, I was skipping through my house, splashing with my kids in the pool and raising hell. In June, I had my first major symptoms of Marburg's Variant of Multiple Sclerosis. My doctors tell me that I’m “special” cuz not many people have such an aggressive type of MS. Lucky me.
By October, I was using two canes to successful move around. We had moved from California in August so that Amy and I could be legally married and so she could make any required spousal decisions. She is so cool and good at that stuff. Like I said, I’m lucky.
Anyways, welcome to my ramblings. My hope is that someday, Amy and my darling girls will be able to read this and maybe know their mommy and lover a little better. You are welcome to come along on my wanderings if you wish…
Today, I finally admitted to myself that I would have to exclusively use the way cool “racing” wheelchair that I got for Christmas… so yeah, I’m pretty depressed today. I often try to expunge my depression by writing poetry. Most of my stuff sucks and is pretty somber because of this.
I’m not even sure that I WOULD call this a poem, but it was in my head and now it’s not:
Lies No One Believes
smiles : pain
“No, I’m fine here”
jealousy : family
*Come on kids, mommy wants to rest*
“That was fun; let’s go again”
wheelchair : shame
*You like it when I push you, don’t you mommy*
“I want you tonight, baby”
wishes : needs
“I’ll kick your ass if you do!”
worthless : worthy
“Oh, yeah… that’s who it was”
uncertainty : memories
The lies we tell ourselves; that we tell each other;
that we tell the world.
our own mortality.
Through the window I watch my children and spouse trying to make snowballs - unable to join them, no longer able to skip or throw. Where did the woman I knew just a few short months ago disappear?
This is going to be (hopefully) a long term project with thousands and thousands of daily up dates (*snerk*). Prolly not, but bear with me cuz I’m doing this as a way of showing you, my loving wonderful spouse and beautiful sparkly daughters, just how much I love you all.
Three of my favorite jokes:
What is a CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Femme Lesbians in little fur coats. (ME)
What is a DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss!
9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny Butch Lesbians in little fur coats. (AMY ;) )
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots of Vodka.
The bar tender says "had a tough day?"
The man replied "yeah I found out my little brother is gay".
The next day the same guy walks in to the bar again and this time orders 3 shots of Vodka.
The bartender says "another bad day?"
The man replied "yeah i just found out my older brother is gay".
The next day the same man walks in the bar and this time orders 5 shots of Vodka.
The bartender looked at him and said "Man doesn't anybody in your family like women?
The man then replied "yeah, My wife"
What does a lesbian bring on a second date?: A U-Haul...
What does a gay man bring on a second date?: No one knows, it's never happend before....
Random Observations for My Daughters
Observation #1: Wheelchairs make your ass hurt.
Observation #2: You girls are getting just too big for both of you to sit on my lap at once... but I'm glad you keep trying.
Observation #3: I ALWAYS have first dibs on your Poppi's lap. I saw her first!
Observation #4: I don't want to "almost" die. I asked your Poppi to roll me out into a snow drift somewheres if I ever get to the point that all I can do is stare into space and drool. She got REALLY mad at me. She even yelled! Can you imagine you Poppi yelling??? (and yeah, it was kinda funny ;) ). Anyways, she told me that I was mean to even think of doing that. She reminded me that there was always hope as long as your heart beats. She also said that even if I couldn't get out, she would still know I was in there and keep loving me none the less. Yeah, I cried. Big surprise, huh?
Your mommy’s favoritest poet of all times is Lefty McGee. Here is my favoritest poem by him:
by an impassioned
sense of lust
into staccato sequence.
into private discourse
from a public place.
although no one was watching
when her modesty slipped,
when she lied with her smile
and languorous caress.
P.S. If either of you girls want to marry him, you have my blessings, but you gotta wait till you’re at least done with college.